. . . to feel that breastfeeding was an absolute waste of time?

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I breastfed my toddler (now 20 months old) for the first 5 months of her life, and stopped because I had to go on medication that wasn't compatible with breastfeeding. This was such a difficult decision, I felt like I was letting DD down, not doing the best thing for her, giving up etc. and cried buckets over it.

It's also worth mentioning that breastfeeding was an absolute nightmare for me - constantly trying to increase supply, painful, and I always felt like I was battling my own body.

I persevered for as long as I did because I thought it was best for DD in terms of her immune system, that she'd have some health benefits. However, she's had continuous coughs and colds (and other illnesses) since she started nursery at a year old. Honestly, it feels relentless, as soon as she gets better from one illness, she develops another.

It occurred to me recently that the reason I persevered with breastfeeding was to help build up her immunity. Which it clearly didn't. AIBU to think I may as well not have put myself through all that, and enjoyed the first few months with her instead of suffering the constant battle of breastfeeding?

Someone please tell me it was all worth it!

It did help with her immunity longer term. But breastfeeding isn't health silver bullet magic, and neither should you expect it to be.

@Jemand

Think about all the hours you saved not having to faff around sterilising bottles, making up feeds etc.

I don’t mean this in an argumentative way but just for balance as someone who is now in the thick of breastfeeding a 5 week old and not massively enjoying it… there seem to also be hours spent pinned to a chair cluster feeding every 30 mins. And dealing with poopy nappies after EVERY DAMN FEED. Faffing with a few bottles would certainly take less time then sat in a chair for 6 hours of the day feeding on demand. X

I breastfeed by son who still developed Asthma. It is not meant to protect a baby against all illnesses. There have been loads of studies that say it is better for babies. I have several friends who bottlefed their babies and their children don't have asthma and, when younger had better health than my DS. I don't think pushing through or mastering on etc. is necessary though. If it isn't working then so be it. It isn't the be all and end all.

I know what you mean, I bf all of mine but my son has every allergy going, hayfever, eczema, asthma! Oh and I also didn’t get the magical weight loss that it’s suppose to cause, however saying that I enjoyed breastfeeding so for me it was worth it as I’m not someone who ever had any issues or struggles with it.

I didn't breastfeed for the physical benefits I did it because of the bond between us and it's the way I wanted to feed my children. If it wasn't what you wanted then no it probably wasn't right for you. Another lesson learned for you to listen to yourself and do what is right for you.

O and yes 2 of mine have severe allergies and one had cold after cold after starting preschool.

Breastfeeding protects her while she is being breastfed and helps reduce hospital admissions for viral infections. Most under 1's admitted to hospital for viruses aren't breastfed. So you did help protect her in those months you fed her.

"not getting up to make bottles in night; 'on tap' milk when out etc.); closeness and snuggles."

Never made bottles in the night, always managed to take milk with me and had closeness and "snuggles". Wasn't sore or tired like you describe though.

Shouldn't comment really cause it doesn't affect me but I've seen new mothers struggling to adjust only then to be told they're not as close to their babies as someone who breastfeeds (and spends half their time moaning about it).

That’s how I feel, I done it because I wanted to, I didn’t want to formula feed so I didn’t so I don’t feel disappointment for that reason as I would still bf any other child I had

Too many people come on to these threads and talk about how someone is “doing the best for their baby; just keep persevering; you’ll look back and realise that the time has gone.” And so the list goes on.

There is nowhere near enough acknowledgement of the fact that many women find it incredibly difficult, and while bf is apparently meant to come naturally, in reality, it doesn’t and is a long process to get established.

People need to acknowledge that sometimes bf isn’t the magic answer, and that giving up bf isn’t the be all and end all.

When my sister was bf and her baby was throwing up blood because she had bleeding nipples, she was given an awful time by the MW who said that she would look back on this and be thankful that she’d done the best by her child. And yet the baby was bf solidly for 6/7 hours at a time.

I’m sorry but there is no benefit that can outweigh that, and I’m glad she switched to formula.

If people want to bf, then crack on. Whatever you decide.

If people genuinely want to continue and need support to do so then they should be given that.

But if people want to give up then nobody should be judging or even expressing an opinion on that.

The immunity benefits of breastfeeding - stopping ear infections, tummy bugs etc I think only really apply while children are actually breastfeeding so you wouldn’t expect to see that benefit past stopping at 5 months.
My 2 year old has had a couple of nasty colds and a mild bout of norovirus since starting nursery last year despite still being breastfed so I don’t think there’s a way to avoid it!
However you’ve probably still reduced their risk of diabetes and obesity as adults, and reduced your own breast cancer risk so I hope that makes you feel more positive about your choices.

Breastfeeding doesn’t stop coughs and colds
It gives her some of your antibodies.. to fight some things you have fought off.
Mostly it is good, child-responsive nutrition past 6 months- not necessary if you have ample and cheap supply of formula. So no need to persevere through pain, or feel guilty here.
When it works easily for mum, It is very simple way of establishing attachment, and so can improve sleeping/comforting arrangements for mum and baby. But is no means the only way, or the best way of establishing attachment and so no reason to feel guilt at stopping here. Or to persevere through pain.
There is some evidence that before 6 months the baby’s gut is undeveloped enough to carry high risk of infection, should they encounter bacteria commonly found in unclean formula bottles, or sometimes food- don’t feed baby solids before this point, but really- if you are capable of sterilising formula bottles, there’s is no reason to feel guilt at stopping or persevere through pain.

The WHO advice is often quoted here- and no one should feel uncomfortable for bf until a baby selfweans. However. The statements about bfing being best are written for a whole world context, and should be taken in that light.

@HeartsAndClubs

Too many people come on to these threads and talk about how someone is “doing the best for their baby; just keep persevering; you’ll look back and realise that the time has gone.” And so the list goes on.

There is nowhere near enough acknowledgement of the fact that many women find it incredibly difficult, and while bf is apparently meant to come naturally, in reality, it doesn’t and is a long process to get established.

People need to acknowledge that sometimes bf isn’t the magic answer, and that giving up bf isn’t the be all and end all.

When my sister was bf and her baby was throwing up blood because she had bleeding nipples, she was given an awful time by the MW who said that she would look back on this and be thankful that she’d done the best by her child. And yet the baby was bf solidly for 6/7 hours at a time.

I’m sorry but there is no benefit that can outweigh that, and I’m glad she switched to formula.

If people want to bf, then crack on. Whatever you decide.

If people genuinely want to continue and need support to do so then they should be given that.

But if people want to give up then nobody should be judging or even expressing an opinion on that.

I agree with this.

IMO, whilst comparing substances - breastmilk is better than formula milk.

But breastfeeding isn’t necessarily better than formula feeding if that makes sense.

Sadly I'm pretty sure I won't see any benefit to her teeth/jaw formation as my poor wee pet fell and knocked one of her front teeth out . . . I've been told to expect some issues when her adult teeth start coming through Oh and she has eczema and suspected asthma, except she's too young to properly diagnose the latter.

I was wondering if I could do the whole thing over again, would I choose to breastfeed . . . and the answer is no, probably not. Making a bottle with the Perfect Prep is pretty easy and I'd take that and the faff of sterilising bottles over the pain and the constantly wondering if DD was getting enough because she wasn't putting on weight. Also, I would still have had the cuddles and closeness just by holding her, and I carried her in a sling lots anyway.

Happy mother - happy baby.

@zenthoughtsonlythanks

I am not convinced breast feeding stops any coughs, colds etc. I am not sure it is worth it if you are in such pain, it 'feels like a battle' and feels hellish, because all of these negative emotions are passed on to the baby, and also taints the experience of motherhood, and can even interfere with bonding (after all who wants to be in pain) Introduce alternative feeding and look after yourself. Self care is vital too

I think this needs to be highlighted too, not necessarily for OP but for any mothers who might be reading this thread and feeling a lot of guilt.

I'm only one anecdotal case but I was never breastfed and I have an incredibly robust immune system, barely got ill as a child, perfect eyesight, teeth, no health issues, the whole caboodle. I'm not automatically damaged/disadvantaged because I was formula fed. So although BFing has undeniable benefits, it is not always something that needs to be "pushed through" when it just won't work out and you're not a bad mother/severely disadvantaging your child if it is not the right choice for you.

I think they feed you a load of shit that makes some people feel like breastfed children are invincible and the poor bottle fed kids end up with low IQs and immunity. It's entirely unbalanced

If it's any consolation, I remember wailing to my DM that I hadn't managed a full month back at work without DD going down with something from nursery.

She's now 14 and has the constitution of an ox. No time off sick from school since she started at 5, and she didn't get Covid last year when the rest of us did.

You will thank the nursery germs later.

I also don't think there is debate around the attachment and closeness a father develops with a baby through feeding, my husband felt very pushed out and surplus to needs and adored feeding her when we switched. It made him so happy to hold her in his arms and be part of such an important part of parenting. It also took the pressure off me, and that had massive benefits for all of us. So I do think balance is important, and there are some drawbacks to breast feeding, in the same way there are some drawbacks to bottle feeding. None are wrong. What is right for the mother, will always be right for the infant.

Most children get all manner of sniffles and viruses when they start nursery. It's almost like an overload to their immune system! It's perfectly normal.

I BF my first child but bottle fed 2&3 and tbh, DD1 has had the most health issues but I don't think it means that BF was a waste of time at all. All kids are different.

@Tinpotspectator

It did help with her immunity longer term. But breastfeeding isn't health silver bullet magic, and neither should you expect it to be.

^ This

Bottle feeding is awesome tbh. Or it was for me. Easy. Painless. We even had snuggles and cuddles and closeness. I didn’t even try breastfeeding, not for me at all.

My girls are now 7 and 4. Healthy. No allergies. Good teeth. Good skin. Went through their phase when they started nursery of bringing home every cold going but neither of them have barely been sick a day in their lives since.

I’ll continue to advocate formula feeding because on an individual level it really, really doesn’t matter. When they are five years old and running around the school playground, you really can’t tell the difference.

As someone that did breast feed one and not the other, it has made no difference at all to either child I am sorry to say. Given the lengths I went to, to continue, it does feel it was pointless. I felt a greater bond when I was no in agony and could enjoy being snuggled up with her without crying with the pain. It was impossible to feel any level of contentment, comfort or joy. I was actively dreading the next feed.

The benefitsit's you've given through breastfeeding are life long lasting.

See, this is an issue. Some people are saying "the benefits of breastfeeding are only experienced while you're actually breastfeeding", whereas others are saying "the benefits of breastfeeding last a lifetime".

Which is it??!!