To have lost my shit on Facebook?

[TheStein]

Ex used to constantly bang on about a coat I had. It was a general black winter coat with a furry lined hood (not real fur, think it was bought from Tesco). He would go on about it all the time saying it was frumpy, grandma coat, council estate coat etc etc - constantly trying to get me to throw it out. Anyway we split (not because of the coat! 😂) but remained friends on Facebook. A few years later I bought a mew coat, similar style, black long coat with furry lined hood however this one was expensive (Barbour). Last night a memory came up from earlier in the year where I was on a lively dog walk. I happened to be wearing the Barbour coat. I’m feeling really down lately so shared the memory as it made me smile. He commented saying “I see you still have that granny coat haha”. I replied saying “this is a different coat” and he said “suuuurrre” with a winking face. Well I lost my shit and replied:
“Who the fuck do you think you are trying to tell people what they should and shouldn’t wear? I don’t need your shitty opinions thanks, especially when you clearly don’t own a fucking mirror yourself. You’re a joke. Absolutely pathetic. You put me down for years in the past trying to control what I wear and I’m not fucking having it anymore. Go and look at yourself, you absolute tit”.

He replied instantly with a shocked face and no words. Then a few of my friends put shocked reactions on my comment. I then got a couple of messages from friends asking if I was ok. Now I’m mortified that I went off like that but I guess I’m still harbouring resentment for the shit I put up with??! I’ve deleted it now and blocked him but I feel like deleting Facebook completely. I’m so embarrassed, my work colleagues would have seen that, as well as seniors and juniors. My son also saw it and sent me a joke message saying “shit, someone pissed in your cornflakes this morning?”

But then I’m still angry that he mentioned the bastard coat again!!!!

I mean, you weren't wrong, but this is why its rarely a good idea to have exes on fb. I know some of mine would absolutely give me the rage!

Understandable why you did it.

Delete Facebook for a couple of weeks, you’ll be amazed at how much you don’t miss it.

Ah, it happens. It will have given people something to gossip about for 15 minutes but won't be remembered for long.

I don't have to tell you that you need to think about offloading on SoMe, but no-one died. Anyone who knows you well and knows about your relationship will probably think he had it coming. Everyone else will move on from it.

Tomorrow's digital chip paper.

Aw honestly, don’t be embarrassed. It’s not about the coat, it’s about the way he has made you feel for a long time.

If I saw one of my friends write that, who were otherwise fairly chill etc I wouldn’t think badly of them. I would want to make sure they’re ok.

Yanbu at all . I lost my shit today on FB . Then People saying #BeKind ... that saying is like a get out of jail free card for people that think they can say what they like without consequence. Be glad you stood up for yourself and wear the damn coat at every opportunity and with pride

I don’t think it’s ever reasonable to lose your shit on FB.

Just defriend/block anyone who might cause you to

We all make mistakes when angry. It’s a good rule to never post on Facebook/social media when you’re angry. I’ve been there. Lesson learnt. I now always wait until I calm down for this very reason. Angry replies don’t get your point across, they make you look emotionally unhinged. You can’t change what’s happened though.

keep your head high. If anyone mentions it again just say like you said in the post, that you had years of him making shitty comments about your clothes and appearance and trying to make you feel crap with his jokes, that it was the final straw and hes blocked now

I think you could have got the point across without going to the lengths you did and that would have the right kind of impact without you looking crazy. Your reaction will be laughed at rather than him taking you seriously. But it happens and we've all done or said stuff that we regret later. Don't beat yourself up.

To be perfectly honest OP, my first thought was 'nice one!'

But as others have said, it will all be forgotten in a few days so try not to let it worry you.

If he was controlling and emotionally abusive, why have him on FB? Your Son sounds old enough to communicate directly with him. But you wasn't wrong. He decided to go public, so he got it back, publicly.

I'm sorry for laughing OP but it is kind of funny, sounds like maybe this guy needed someone to fuck him out of it, might make him think twice before commenting on peoples clothes in the future

You obviously had some feelings still weighing on you.. but I've never liked it when people argue publicly on facebook. idk. dont think there's technically a right or wrong here. but I think for your own dignity maybe try to keep your composure next time and handle any arguments privately and not for everyone to see.

My first thought was good on you, even though maybe it wasn’t the best idea. And I think this is a good reason why it’s better to not have colleagues as fb friends (unless they become genuine friends outside of work).

Just wanted to say this
And I think this is a good reason why it’s better to not have colleagues as fb friends

If need be, have two accounts one for work and one for personal which is locked down completely

Well, he should've kept his thoughts to himself! That told him 😁

Good for you sometimes people just need telling! Let's hope he won't bother you again.

Must feel kinda cathartic though ;)

This is why you shouldn't have exes or colleagues on Facebook.

You were unreasonable to have such an aggressive rant when he was just joking when you could just have easily blocked/deleted him or removed his comments.

Well, it's obviously not about the coat.

I think it was ill advised, although clearly there was a lot of context. Maybe just delete the post.

He had it coming. Might make him think twice about criticising people in future though, now that he knows others have seen it. And it will allow others to know the shit you had to put up with when you were with him. Don't stress over it. No point deleting Facebook now that it's been seen and deleted. Block him from all your SM accounts and from your phone now in case he tries to contact you about it.

Those who are saying "delete Facebook", I presume you meant putting your account as inactive? If you need to, just do that for a couple of weeks rather than leaving the site.

Or just put that person on mute and keep him on mute. I had a "friend" who later turned out to be a perv. He was writing dirty stuff on my page that I didn't want other readers to see. So I deleted his comments and muted him. He's still muted 2 years on.

I think I can understand why you lost your temper but the way you phrased it sort of brought you down to his level. Now you're feeling embarrassed because your family and colleagues will have seen that, whereas if you'd been more calm and measured you'd probably feel empowered about your response.
You live and learn.

Nothing wrong with what you said to him.

But… talk about a lesson in not having your random work colleague on fb🙈

Good for you OP the snarky bastard deserved that.

If anyone says anything to you, just say the reason he's an ex is because you had years of his shit and you don't have to take it any more.

And just keep him blocked.