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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have lost my shit on Facebook?

109 replies

TheStein · 08/09/2021 12:30

Ex used to constantly bang on about a coat I had. It was a general black winter coat with a furry lined hood (not real fur, think it was bought from Tesco). He would go on about it all the time saying it was frumpy, grandma coat, council estate coat etc etc - constantly trying to get me to throw it out. Anyway we split (not because of the coat! 😂) but remained friends on Facebook. A few years later I bought a mew coat, similar style, black long coat with furry lined hood however this one was expensive (Barbour). Last night a memory came up from earlier in the year where I was on a lively dog walk. I happened to be wearing the Barbour coat. I’m feeling really down lately so shared the memory as it made me smile. He commented saying “I see you still have that granny coat haha”. I replied saying “this is a different coat” and he said “suuuurrre” with a winking face. Well I lost my shit and replied:
“Who the fuck do you think you are trying to tell people what they should and shouldn’t wear? I don’t need your shitty opinions thanks, especially when you clearly don’t own a fucking mirror yourself. You’re a joke. Absolutely pathetic. You put me down for years in the past trying to control what I wear and I’m not fucking having it anymore. Go and look at yourself, you absolute tit”.

He replied instantly with a shocked face and no words. Then a few of my friends put shocked reactions on my comment. I then got a couple of messages from friends asking if I was ok. Now I’m mortified that I went off like that but I guess I’m still harbouring resentment for the shit I put up with??! I’ve deleted it now and blocked him but I feel like deleting Facebook completely. I’m so embarrassed, my work colleagues would have seen that, as well as seniors and juniors. My son also saw it and sent me a joke message saying “shit, someone pissed in your cornflakes this morning?”

But then I’m still angry that he mentioned the bastard coat again!!!!

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 08/09/2021 13:09

Your reaction was extreme I'd have ignored him or responded with I suppose your penis is still tiny too signing off with a smile.
Block him.
FB is very public people forget that.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/09/2021 13:13

You just need a simple sentence for anyone who asks you about it.

"Yeah, after all those years of his putting you down you finally snapped over a bloody coat" and grin!

Don't delete it, don't let anyone make you feel bad for having posted it. Just use your simple sentence and own it - which, for some, will make him have to own his shit too!

Constellationstation · 08/09/2021 13:13

I think good for you! The fact that you said he put you down for years and tried to control what you wore will surely show people that there’s a lot of history there and not just you going off on one because you were in a bad mood.
Perhaps some of your colleagues have experienced rubbish relationships in the past and also think ‘good for you!’

Lobelia123 · 08/09/2021 13:14

Well I for one am cheering in the grandstands for you, Twats like this contrinue their snideness and low key bullying because no one ever calls them out on it. Well his luck ran out and you did and you did a SPLENDID job!!! Brilliant!!!! If I saw this on Facebook I would totally NOT judge you, Id absolutely know that heres yet another woman fed up to the gills with a pratt.

shouldistop · 08/09/2021 13:16

Honestly, if i were your friend or colleague I'd be applauding you. Try not to worry too much about it.

Gothichouse40 · 08/09/2021 13:18

Leave Facebook, for the sake of your mental health. I can't understand (unless you have children), why you would have an ex on your Facebook page, in particular an ex who sounds quite nasty. This is not a normal reaction over a coat from either of you. He is using it to goad you and you are reacting. Get off Facebook and I speak from experience, it's the best thing I ever did.

LemonFantaGin · 08/09/2021 13:18

Hood on you for speaking up.

But YABU about leaving Facebook, I mean by all means leave, if thats what you want, but noone will remember it in a few days.

Porridgealert · 08/09/2021 13:19

I don't think what he said was really bad. You say you've had your new coat for years so it must have been quite a while since he ribbed you about it. So I think it was a massive overreaction. But sometimes it's a straw and a camel. Obviously you've been harbouring resentment for a loooong time. 😂

Honestly if anyone says anything about it, just say, he never stopped going on about my bloody coat...Everyone will nod and understand. And I bet you get a lot more respect at work. Fear does that. Lol.

But if he's a friend that you like, don't block him. We've all said things we shouldn't or taken things too far. Obviously keep the block if you're happy he's gone. Most of all don't be embarrassed. It'll be old news by tomorrow. I never send send responses to emails that have annoyed me for 24hrs after writing it. I'm amazed how many times I've reread the original mail and it was not at all saying what I had thought. I learnt that lesson the hard way.

LemonFantaGin · 08/09/2021 13:20

*good on you, not hood 🤦🏽‍♀️

Silvercatowner · 08/09/2021 13:20

Seriously why do you even have a platform on which you can make comments like that? My Facebook is full of crochet, gardening and cute cats. It's a therapeutic space and I like it like that.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/09/2021 13:21

He sounds like an arse and that he had it coming.

Personally, I don't think you should stay friends with exes on FB for reasons like this!

Realyorkshiretea · 08/09/2021 13:22

Sorry Op but you were really OTT in my opinion. It sounds like things between you were relatively cordial to still be fb friends, and the coat sounds more like a running joke than ‘clothing control’. Albeit a slightly annoying one. Just delete the post, drop him a message to say having a bad day and leave it there.

LazyMareofEastown · 08/09/2021 13:26

I think something succint and scathing might have been fair game but your response was completely disproportionate and leaves you looking a bit deranged tbh.

Also, YABU for being an adult who a) has Facebook, b) has their exes on their FB and c) uses FB to rant at said exes.

SweetPetrichor · 08/09/2021 13:29

You will have given everyone a laugh if nothing else…it was a rather OTT reaction. A scathing response would have been one thing but you sound like you just went deranged!

Mandy8888 · 08/09/2021 13:32

Never good to lose it on FB but it's done now, there will be a lesson there somewhere, maybe it's time to remove friends you don't need? Good luck and stay happy

Tal45 · 08/09/2021 13:33

Your only mistake was in not making it a private message.

HeartsAndClubs · 08/09/2021 13:39

I really don’t think people will be thinking “good on you.”

I think people will be embarrassed for you. Your response was completely OTT and it’s incredibly undignified to live out your private life on facebook.

Your response was cringeworthy.

saraclara · 08/09/2021 13:40

Why on earth make your meltdown public? As one of your friends I'd be cringing with awkwardness. It should have been a private message, surely?

I'm surprised that so many posters are cheering you. It's soap opera stuff really, and you've made yourself look unhinged, in public.
Some of your friends might enjoy the drama in a tee hee kind of way, but others will be thinking a lot less if you. It's a coat FFS.

babouchette · 08/09/2021 13:41

I wouldn't judge you, I'd assume you were having a bad day. I would also think his sarcastic "suuure" comment made him sound like a total dickhead.

Don't beat yourself up, we all have these moments sometimes and anyone who is judgy pants about it needs to get a life. It's Facebook, you didn't graffiti it on his front door.

MuthaFunka61 · 08/09/2021 13:44

Well done @TheStein for drawing your line firmly in the sand,it'll be a while until anyone else tries to bully you.

Enjoy your push back and standing up for yourself. Now you know the sky doesn't fall in you'll hopefully give yourself permission to draw a line and address any future attempts to undermine you at the offset.

Flowers
TakeMeBackTo1980 · 08/09/2021 13:45

I would have just said ' no, I upgraded to a more expensive version 🙂'

And left it at that. Your ex sounds like an arse though.

myotherusernameistaken · 08/09/2021 13:47

Hood on you for speaking up

Superb Grin

Cocomarine · 08/09/2021 13:47

@TakeMeBackTo1980

I would have just said ' no, I upgraded to a more expensive version 🙂'

And left it at that. Your ex sounds like an arse though.

Or, “no - I upgraded, just like I did with my boyfriend 😝”
Cam2020 · 08/09/2021 13:48

Now I’m mortified that I went off like that but I guess I’m still harbouring resentment for the shit I put up with??!

Ya think?! Honestly, don't worry about it. You deleted it and not everyone will have seen it before you did - even if they did, so what? It doesn't sound like you normally go posting things like that, so people who know you will know there's a reason for you to react like that. I hope you feel some sort of catharsis once you get over the embarrassment. Your ex sounds like a knob!

EgSk · 08/09/2021 13:50

I wouldn’t worry ! We’ve all lost our shit before! It’s embarrassing when it’s on social media but oh well ! This will be forgotten about soon.

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