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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have lost my shit on Facebook?

109 replies

TheStein · 08/09/2021 12:30

Ex used to constantly bang on about a coat I had. It was a general black winter coat with a furry lined hood (not real fur, think it was bought from Tesco). He would go on about it all the time saying it was frumpy, grandma coat, council estate coat etc etc - constantly trying to get me to throw it out. Anyway we split (not because of the coat! 😂) but remained friends on Facebook. A few years later I bought a mew coat, similar style, black long coat with furry lined hood however this one was expensive (Barbour). Last night a memory came up from earlier in the year where I was on a lively dog walk. I happened to be wearing the Barbour coat. I’m feeling really down lately so shared the memory as it made me smile. He commented saying “I see you still have that granny coat haha”. I replied saying “this is a different coat” and he said “suuuurrre” with a winking face. Well I lost my shit and replied:
“Who the fuck do you think you are trying to tell people what they should and shouldn’t wear? I don’t need your shitty opinions thanks, especially when you clearly don’t own a fucking mirror yourself. You’re a joke. Absolutely pathetic. You put me down for years in the past trying to control what I wear and I’m not fucking having it anymore. Go and look at yourself, you absolute tit”.

He replied instantly with a shocked face and no words. Then a few of my friends put shocked reactions on my comment. I then got a couple of messages from friends asking if I was ok. Now I’m mortified that I went off like that but I guess I’m still harbouring resentment for the shit I put up with??! I’ve deleted it now and blocked him but I feel like deleting Facebook completely. I’m so embarrassed, my work colleagues would have seen that, as well as seniors and juniors. My son also saw it and sent me a joke message saying “shit, someone pissed in your cornflakes this morning?”

But then I’m still angry that he mentioned the bastard coat again!!!!

OP posts:
TakeMeBackTo1980 · 08/09/2021 13:52

@Cocomarine yes, that exactly!!!

TDMN · 08/09/2021 13:58

I am also cheering for you!!

Its easier said than done to 'let go' of hurt from past relationships and i dont think our attitude of 'you have to be 100% fine and never be bothered by anything ever again and if not you need therapy' i think its normal and fine to be '99% of the time fine and dont ever think about it but sometimes the button gets pushed'

Chloemol · 08/09/2021 14:18

Well now he gets it

Don’t worry about it, all it’s done is show everyone the shit you had to put up with

Keep him blocked

Anordinarymum · 08/09/2021 14:21

@TheStein

Ex used to constantly bang on about a coat I had. It was a general black winter coat with a furry lined hood (not real fur, think it was bought from Tesco). He would go on about it all the time saying it was frumpy, grandma coat, council estate coat etc etc - constantly trying to get me to throw it out. Anyway we split (not because of the coat! 😂) but remained friends on Facebook. A few years later I bought a mew coat, similar style, black long coat with furry lined hood however this one was expensive (Barbour). Last night a memory came up from earlier in the year where I was on a lively dog walk. I happened to be wearing the Barbour coat. I’m feeling really down lately so shared the memory as it made me smile. He commented saying “I see you still have that granny coat haha”. I replied saying “this is a different coat” and he said “suuuurrre” with a winking face. Well I lost my shit and replied: “Who the fuck do you think you are trying to tell people what they should and shouldn’t wear? I don’t need your shitty opinions thanks, especially when you clearly don’t own a fucking mirror yourself. You’re a joke. Absolutely pathetic. You put me down for years in the past trying to control what I wear and I’m not fucking having it anymore. Go and look at yourself, you absolute tit”.

He replied instantly with a shocked face and no words. Then a few of my friends put shocked reactions on my comment. I then got a couple of messages from friends asking if I was ok. Now I’m mortified that I went off like that but I guess I’m still harbouring resentment for the shit I put up with??! I’ve deleted it now and blocked him but I feel like deleting Facebook completely. I’m so embarrassed, my work colleagues would have seen that, as well as seniors and juniors. My son also saw it and sent me a joke message saying “shit, someone pissed in your cornflakes this morning?”

But then I’m still angry that he mentioned the bastard coat again!!!!

Way to go ! And don't apologise or back down. Draw a line under it and wear your coat - any coat in fact with pride OP
earthyfire · 08/09/2021 14:24

Nothing wrong in what you said to him...if it was done via text message. Smile I don't have colleagues on my facebook, list them under the associates option so they see very little on your facebook. I prefer to use LinkedIn for colleagues. But even that platform is turning into facebook.

thatsnotmyzoo · 08/09/2021 14:31

Probably not your most balanced reaction OP but as the saying goes if you talk shit, expect to get shot down. He clearly undermined you for years so you go!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/09/2021 14:34

You definitely weren’t in the wrong!

I think I’d just have deleted his comment though.

saraclara · 08/09/2021 14:37

I'm so glad that I had a moratorium on having colleagues as FB friends. Even the ones I loved.
I couldn't have gone back into work after responding like that. Senior colleagues would have thought less of me, juniors would never again have any respect for me.

The cheerleaders on this thread really aren't thinking this through.

Anothermothernamegame · 08/09/2021 14:40

This is exactly why I don't have any social media anymore (not including MN of course Wink)

TreeSmuggler · 08/09/2021 14:41

Oh dear, yep you embarrassed yourself OP. I see why his comment was annoying but to a third party it seems mildly poking fun in good humour so it would have been suprising to read your response.

I admit if I was on your fb I'd be screenshotting that and sending it to my friends to have a laugh. But don't worry, we've all done something a bit silly at some point, I've had so many I could fill up own thread with cringe worthy moments.

grapewine · 08/09/2021 14:41

@HeartsAndClubs

I really don’t think people will be thinking “good on you.”

I think people will be embarrassed for you. Your response was completely OTT and it’s incredibly undignified to live out your private life on facebook.

Your response was cringeworthy.

Yeah, sorry agree with this...

Maybe remove your colleagues from your friend list?

honeygriff · 08/09/2021 14:41

I think you did well at taking a stand against a sneering ex. Good on you!

MerlinsButler · 08/09/2021 14:51

Seriously OP. If you were my friend / colleague / family member I would have had the same response as your son and sent you a little wink. And thought bloody good on you.

It is really no big deal and it will be forgotten by tomorrow. Not everyone will have seen it as Facebook doesn't show everyone everything so unless they were online and looking most people will have missed it so please don't worry. And wear the coat with pride.

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 08/09/2021 14:52

"you absolute tit" LOVE IT hahahha

DixonD · 08/09/2021 14:52

Well done! The tit clearly needed to be told! Hopefully he’ll think twice next time.

MerlinsButler · 08/09/2021 14:53

And all the doomsayers saying they would need to leave a job etc really need to get a grip. Senior managers / directors really do have more important things to worry about than an employees mild rant on FB. Unless obviously it discriminatory etc.

They won't have given it another thought.

bamboocat · 08/09/2021 15:06

I've got to be honest, I think I'd have done the same as you, OP!

As for the #BeKind FB brigade mentioned by another pp, I'd be inclined to tell them to #MindYourOwnBusiness.

AdmiralCain · 08/09/2021 15:23

You utter legend!!! Great for you. Internalized anger is bad for you, it's great you could get it out and put it where it rightfully belongs!

QueenBee52 · 08/09/2021 15:24

GOOD ON YOU OP .. He was still trying to put you down.. after all these years.... and all the idiots that followed with the same shocked emoji's are just as bad... sheep following the first reply..

Well done for getting your frustration out... lol Flowers

GladAllOver · 08/09/2021 15:32

Many thanks OP,
for another reason why I don't do Facebook.

Beautifulbutterfly22 · 08/09/2021 15:50

For you op Flowers.. What a knob and thank your lucky stars you are not with him now.... You must still be on his mindGrin wanker!

Beautifulbutterfly22 · 08/09/2021 15:52

Put a link from here on his social media so he can see that he is a knob!!!!

RealHousewifeOfSheffield · 08/09/2021 16:02

I agree it was very poor form of you OP.
I suppose it depends on the individuals sense of humour but my friends and I often take the P out of one another. You obviously don’t, so he shouldn’t have made the dig.
But regardless, your reaction was way OTT

GetMeOut22 · 08/09/2021 16:07

Why do you have an ex and your work colleagues on your Facebook?

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 08/09/2021 16:10

If what he says affects you that much then it's best you are not Facebook friends. Don't give him the opportunity.