AIBU about people who say ‘they worked hard to get to where they are’?

[MessyMissyMe]

Generally these are highly paid people who were able to go to University (support from parents/inherited intellect/confidence and self belief built up by secure, happy childhood) or had the resources to start their own business and were lucky enough to get remunerated by employment that they enjoyed and were good at, didn’t have outside influences or stressors that made things harder/took up time they needed to study or build a career.

They basically are just LUCKY and don’t deserve their success anymore than a cleaner or a care worker living hand to mouth in social housing deserves their lack of.

AIBU to get annoyed at people who say this?

@BroccoliFloret

In my experience it's a lot more about being prepared to take risks - move out of your home city/country for a job, push for a promotion you might not get, change companies, invest in training or studies.

You have to be open and receptive to possibilities and have an enquiring mind to seek out opportunities rather than waiting for them to drop in your lap.

Reducing the ‘secret of success’ to personal attributes over luck ignores a whole host of issues that contribute to poor social mobility and an infatuation with a class system.

Lots of people work hard, have enquiring minds, are open to possibilities and seek opportunities but without luck simply won’t find them because the structure of society is engineered to keep success an exclusive tier.

If it was just down to personal attributes we wouldn’t feel the need to question Oxford/Cambridge (for example) about the socioeconomic and cultural background of students that make up their student body.

Sometimes being able to take advantage of an opportunity does come down to 'right place, right time', and if a certain sequence of events (a lot of which were outside my control) didn't play out exactly as they did I would not be in the position I am today. That said, the fact that I did work hard, gained qualifications and put in the hours allowed me to take advantage of those opportunities.

@RyanReynoldsHusband

Are you saying people who go to university don’t work hard?

You sound extremely bitter.

No, the OP is saying that other people work equally as hard, but just don't get paid as much. Often due to circumstances or lack of finance / opportunity.

What sticks in one's craw is well-off people using the "I worked hard" soundbite to insinuate that poor people are workshy layabouts and the architects of their own misfortune.

The OP is probably, like me, not bitter - just insulted.

YABU. Not all of us have had luck thrown our way. I hold down a professional job and have two family children. I had to work very hard for all I have. My parents weren't financially able to help me and my mental health was so poor during my childhood I required hospitalisation. I struggled through University spending every waking moment studying and then had more struggles trying to have a family. We have a lovely home and a nice car none of which has come from any handouts or luck elsewhere. That said I can't see the words, "I've worked hard to get where I am" ever coming out of my mouth as I always see myself needing to be better at some area of my life and never take any of what I have for granted.

Depends on what degree you did…some are harder than others…

And the biggest luck of all ... good health. If you have a chronic health condition or look after someone with one it usually severely hampers your earning power.

So yes, everyone successful is lucky to some extent.

Why would you assume "I worked hard." meant anything more than "I worked hard." though? Is there a context that hasn't been expressed?

I didn’t go to college or university, had no parental financial support, left the family home at 16, I worked really hard, 16-18 hour days putting 40k plus business mileage in, was away Monday-Friday frequently. I earn over 150k plus bonus and other income. So yes, I can honestly say, without irony that “I’ve worked really hard to get where I am”.

Work ethic is vital if you want a decent salary

@Candleinthebreeze

I don’t really want to reveal my job but I left school with no qualifications, worked hard in retail and ended up on 40k ish a year by about 2010 i retail management.

I chanced on a job ad that was mon-fri, with car but less pay. I applied and got it. The job was tedious but quickly evolved to become very interesting and the pay has quadrupled since I took it on in 2011. In reality most days I work 2 hours at most, from home. If I want to go to a location anywhere in the country, I can, and don’t have to justify myself.

The downsides are that when the phone rings it’s serious, I need to make huge decisions more or less immediately and I need to get them right.

I love the job and would never leave, there’s only a handful of us in the country and it’s not a job anyone has ever heard of that I’ve met.

I got bloody lucky, really lucky

I wouldn't say lucky. You thought about it and decided to take the risk of lower pay than you had. Lots of people telling you you were lucky would laugh at someone taking a paycut. Often people consider only sideways or up and anything else is thrown out.

Yes of course. Same as most of us won the global lottery by being born in a western/developed country offering free universal education and free/affordable healthcare.
Don't you realise how lucky you are through no merit of your own? One stroke of luck stopped you possibly being one of those poor people attempting to escape Syria of Afghanistan.

If you have a comfortable start in life, there is no doubt that everything - educational opportunities, job prospects etc are easier.

I think some people are able to overcome a bad start. Not everyone is, for various reasons.

digitalsynopsis.com/inspiration/privileged-kids-on-a-plate-pencilsword-toby-morris/

My most successful friends have graciously said they worked hard at the it "specialty" but also had huge dollops of luck. They are very v. Wealthy.

Pils however middle of the road very comfortably off always trying to tell us how hard they worked at it... Really undermining their own son.

@Briony123

Yes of course. Same as most of us won the global lottery by being born in a western/developed country offering free universal education and free/affordable healthcare. Don't you realise how lucky you are through no merit of your own? One stroke of luck stopped you possibly being one of those poor people attempting to escape Syria of Afghanistan.

Agree with this, too.

Someone was whinging about waiting in a queue the other day, and the bloke behind said "Never mind, pet - at least you're not trying to get out of Kabul airport."

Same as most of us won the global lottery by being born in a western/developed country offering free universal education and free/affordable healthcare.

Wouldn't know that from all that moaning tbh

www.boredpanda.com/privilege-explanation-comic-strip-on-a-plate-toby-morris

This post raises so many more questions than it answers. Success is subjective, for a start. A recovering drug addict who has managed to get clean & hold down a menial cleaning job might consider that they’ve had to work hard to get to where they are.

There’s a lot of mention of luck in your post, but what is “luck” exactly? Again it’s a subjective term isn’t it, depending on the situation. Not all those born into a life of financial privilege consider themselves lucky. It’s got nothing but nothing to do with how hard they work.

It's such a combination of factors I think. I come from a working class background and was first in the family to go to further education. We had no money but there was a belief in the importance of education, reading, having ambition - even if was limited to finding a good husband. I worked part time since 15, and had to make difficult choices sometimes - moving long distance for an opportunity, not taking long maternity leave or having as many kids as I might have wanted. Working long hours, further study in my free time etc. I am proud of what I have achieved with no hand outs, no inheritance, no family contacts. Some of it is background, some of it is risk, some of it is right place right time, a lot of it is hard work - of course it is. Attitude and resilience also plays a big part. You have to take a deep breath and do things sometimes.

@SnarkyBag

Some people work hard and become highly paid. Some people work hard and are poorly paid. Some people have shit luck and lots of hurdles but still become successful. Some people have no hurdles and opportunities available but don’t become highly paid in their jobs 🤷‍♀️

Just about sums it up!

Maybe they found it a struggle, you don't know unless you know them well and they confide. I've known many people with quite good advantages, who did have to work hard in all sorts of ways. It was a real achievement that they managed to 'get there' in the end, but on the outside you wouldn't guess.

One thing I have noticed about those particular people is how kind and encouraging they are to younger colleagues and great with their children, on whom they put little pressure.

Interesting.

I was raised in a single parent / disabled / below poverty line household. I didn't go to university. I now have a £70k job where almost all peers went to university. So yeah hard work got me where I am.

@MsTSwift

What’s that saying? “The harder I work the luckier I get”…the kids at Dh and I school who pissed about and disrupted our lessons and did sod all work are now are not successful and have dead end manual jobs. Hey ho. Don’t have it in me to feel particularly sorry for them. They could have worked hard too but were too busy being cool and slagging people like us off for being boring squares 😁

Do you click your fingers at them in restaurants as well?

I agree and I went to uni and have done alright for myself (I'm not rich but I have a decent paid job). I know people who have grafted all their lives in very low paid jobs but are very intelligent, it's just the opportunity wasn't there for them to get the qualifications or to work their way up in a decent paid job. I've worked hard for some of my qualifications, but I was lucky I could get into uni and had a supportive family, the opportunity was there for me and I took it. I'm not from a wealthy background so I know some people are just unlucky and lack opportunity (granted some people are just lazy too!).

Do you think this bunch of silver-spooners had to work hard to get on the golden ladder?

No - but heaven help us they control all our lives.

I do think pretty much anyone with enough grit and ambition can get to anywhere they want to.

Of course you do. Because that is how you reconcile your life experiences to yourself and feel secure.

It's still incorrect.

By your logic trafficking victims who cannot escape brought it on themselves and the Afghan women who have just been blocked from education, employment and governance all aren't trying hard enough. Disabled people in the UK living in poverty because their care fees exceed their income are just lazy. People who die from cancer instead of going into remission were too negative.

If only they were all more like you the world would be a better place ...

Our society's structure is a pyramid. It literally cannot accommodate everybody being given resources and status in exchange for their grit and determination, never mind all the other factors as to why your silly statement is false. You can only have a tiny number of people rise to the top, otherwise who does all the grunt work beneath them or buys their services? If all the warehouse cleaners rise to the top of the business who is cleaning the warehouse?

Good for you Pootle! You are a success story.

There are many ways of measuring success.