AIBU about people who say ‘they worked hard to get to where they are’?

[MessyMissyMe]

Generally these are highly paid people who were able to go to University (support from parents/inherited intellect/confidence and self belief built up by secure, happy childhood) or had the resources to start their own business and were lucky enough to get remunerated by employment that they enjoyed and were good at, didn’t have outside influences or stressors that made things harder/took up time they needed to study or build a career.

They basically are just LUCKY and don’t deserve their success anymore than a cleaner or a care worker living hand to mouth in social housing deserves their lack of.

AIBU to get annoyed at people who say this?

I’m a single parent and I have worked extremely hard to get to where I am so no I don’t get annoyed because for me this is the truth. You want a nice life with prospects you work hard

It impacts your life if she thinks you're lazy because you're less successful. That doesn't impact my life at all. Why should I care what she thinks? I know I'm not lazy, I know why I am where I am, what she thinks is totally immaterial.

A friend's relative is a landlord and he believes all his tenants are feckless because he thinks everyone who doesn't own a house is feckless.

Again, why would you care what he thinks? He can think what he likes but it doesn't make it true.

It would be nice if everyone recognised luck, privilege or personality. But some don't, and they never will. You have to live your life for you, not base it on what other people might think about you.

Yes YABU. I’m pretty happy with where I’ve got to. I had a child at 18, worked full time since leaving school then decided to go back to uni, also worked a part time job in an area with no family help. Finished university whilst pregnant for the second time and now a full qualified medical professional and went back to work when my second was 6 weeks old. I believe I’ve worked pretty hard for it and now getting the reward.

Born in 1969 to a DA Survivor
Didn’t get along with step dad
Treated differently all along to Step sister
Left Home at 17 and lived in digs
Rubbish qualifications - 4 - below a level
worked hard
got rewarded
worked harder
got rewarded
made friends finally when i was 20 - 7 years of loneliness
worked hard
new manager despised me because i didn’t have any qualifications
unemployed
got a temp job in office angels
worked hard
got made permanent
worked hard
got transferred to a new role
worked hard
got headhunted
age 27 - first girlfriend
got promoted
worked hard
lost girlfriend
worked hard - life was lonely again
got promoted
worked hard
got promoted again
did a degree part time, got a 1st
continued to learn my thing my career, things not related to my job

during all this, as well as being on the spectrum, had three major health issues, one heart problem and two respiratory issues related to birth issues

All of the above was prior to age 40
working hard was all i had

YABU.

My brother says this - he's now rich retired at 55 yo (though still seems to work a few days a week) suggesting my sis (who left school at 16 and sometimes held down 2 jobs to support the family with her equally hard working hubby) and I, who went to uni, haven't worked hard. I consider myself lucky cos of the work I've done and experience I've gained and the fact I have directed or been involved in some fabulous outcomes (eg Zambian government signing the Basel Convention, an employer paying staff in US dollars so they weren't subject to the fluctuating value of local currency, NGrid having the only carbon strategy of its kind globally since 2006 and Blackfriars Bridge Station PV is there cos of me to name a few). I'm now 55 and can't retire, I'm not wealthy enough, but I know my brother didn't work harder than either my sister or I, he worked in sales and earnt more. He now thinks going to uni isn't worth it cos he didn't. I say go to uni, live the experience, have the right attitude, work smart and you will be rewarded not in money necessarily, but in lots of ways that money can't buy. I am proud of what I've done so far. I have great work ethics and obvs seem to be fairly persuasive. Could my brother have done what I did, possibly but he'd never have got a job in my field cos he doesn't have a degree.

My MIL says this constantly and without irony. She hasn't worked since DH was born in 1966 and an inheritance paid for their house outright.

The extremely successful people that I know are also incredibly hardworking. They may have also been lucky, but they haven’t only lucky.

"Luck" or privilege plays a huge part in how successful you are in life.

https://www.boredpanda.com/privilege-explanation-comic-strip-on-a-plate-toby-morris/?utmsource=google&utmmmedium=organic&utmcampaign=organic

I completely agree that it's all down to luck. Aside from parents, genes, and money I'd add good health. I've completely missed out on my early twenties due to being bed ridden for a couple of years after an accident. Those years feel like a bad dream now, I don't feel likeI I lived through them, I feel like I've had my life suspended and have spent that time hovering over my bed, floating in pain and watching the world go by. There's no life to be had if you don't have an able body and accidents happen, each day they don't is a lucky day.

I don’t think you are being completely reasonable. I can’t comment for everyone in this situation but neither can you. Yes, there will be a lot of people who had a lot of luck behind them but equally an incredible amount who have worked hard to get where they are! It would annoy me no end if anyone suggested any success I have is due to luck! I have worked from having nothing to get what I have now. I didn’t finish school, had no GCSEs or A levels and had 2 children by the age of 18 with zero support from family. No childcare, no babysitting, no help financially in anyway. I took myself back to college when I was pregnant with my second and managed to get to uni by the time I was 23. I now have two degrees, a bucket load of post grad training and a good job that pays well. None of it was luck and I did it on my own.

Definitely not lucky. I think I have a successful job i surrounded by others who went to private school during my grad programme (I’ve been there since then). My parents are not well off , came to the UK many years ago and worked many jobs including day job and night shifts etc. I do think I worked very hard, my school wasn’t good, I’m not naturally intelligent. I do think I worked hard and many hours studying, part time jobs , to get to and through university, to get great GCSEs and a levels. Then prepping for interviews for hours and hours to get onto a grad program. My babies in the other hand will probably have it easier in that sense , I hope I can send them to better schools etc

Lots of people had a much bigger silver spoon than me but I still recognise that I've had good fortune.

I went to a sink comp, but I was fortunate to be in top sets so I did get some education. Friends in lower sets have wry different memories of that school to mine.

We weren't wealthy and I think there were periods when my parents were very worried about money but we never went without.

My parents were happy and are still together. I know it's unfashionable to say this is important for children but it is. I think it's a large part of my feelings of security even now

I've had very good health all my life (touch wood) never missed any schooling or been unable to work

Luck is cited by those who have been unlucky or not worked hard i suspect.

This. I came from a broken home but put myself through university by winning a scholarship and then working every minute I wasn't studying. Today I run my own business. No I don't think it's all down to luck. It's down to choosing to study when there was little to no encouragement, to not go out but stay in and study or work when others went out partying. To saving every penny when others went out drinking, eating or shopping. So no, I don't think it's down to luck

@InTheNameOfAllThatIsHonest I don’t think it’s all completely down to luck either but I do think luck can completely change the course of a persons life.

You literally say yourself you ‘won’ a scholarship. There will be someone who didn’t win who was likely every bit as hard working/clever/dedicated as you were to win that scholarship and in another year may of won the same opportunity but may have had the course of their life changed by not getting that scholarship.

@Bard6817

Luck is cited by those who have been unlucky or not worked hard i suspect.

I wouldn’t consider myself either of those but still think luck plays a part in success.

Yeah, DH and I have been lucky, but we have also worked very hard.

@SkinnyMirror

It's a combination of luck and hard work.

However, I've seen threads like this before and there are some people who take great offence at the suggestion that luck has played any part in their success!!

This. I just think of the phrase 'the lady doth protest too much' when they start almost screaming that they worked their fingers to the bone to get where they are. Nothing wrong with admitting you've been lucky and had help.

I've been very lucky. Got two degrees (and honestly, the masters was easier to get, it wasn't difficult in the slightest), I've got a house, a horse and savings. But I've had help from parents, so I'm lucky. I'm still paying off student debt and will be forever as Scotland just reduced what I pay back per month for some reason. If I had worked harder and spent my time researching more about my field, taking courses etc I'd maybe be further up the ladder, but I know people who do who are no higher than I am. I'm also not interested in promotions, I like working to live, not living to work.

I disagree with you OP. My FIL was born into a very poor family, and he was the first of his family to go to university. He worked his butt off, at school and then at university. He sacrificed spending time with his family as his children were growing because he was hard working and dedicated. He’s now retired, in a very good financial situation, and he has completely done it all himself. No one gave him a leg up - he really did work incredibly hard to get where he is.

@Bard6817

Luck is cited by those who have been unlucky or not worked hard i suspect.

No, it isn't. It's just arrogant and deluded to think you're so wonderful that you did it all by yourself and nobody else ever helped and you never had any luck.

My twenties were very difficult. I graduated into a financial crisis, had no family support and ended up working multiple horrible menial jobs to keep a roof over my head. It took lots of effort and persistence to gradually climb out of that, especially with physical and mental disabilities and the ableism and bullying I faced at work.

I still can't claim I wasn't lucky in some ways. I did encounter some nice people who helped me and gave me tips to put me on the right track. I ended up meeting a guy on Tinder who encouraged me to get into tech, which I would not have thought of otherwise. I had suspected cancer but got the all clear - the alternative would have been horrendous. I had some great flatmates with good jobs who encouraged me to aim higher and aspire to more. And so on and so forth. Little things that went right that contributed to becoming more successful as I went into my early thirties. Things that someone who believes they 'did it on their own' would just gloss over and dismiss.

Luck is cited by those who have been unlucky or not worked hard i suspect.

Or in my case a university academic who researches, teaches and writes about this for a living 🤔🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh and 'bad' luck is still luck!!!

@Geamhradh I also had free school meals. A combination of an abusive step parent then a single parent family. Homeless as a teenager. Encouraged not to get an education.

I worked every part time job under the sun whilst studying. I got good gcses and A levels. I did a degree whilst raising children and working and got a 1st.

I am still stuck in social housing claiming benefits with nothing to show for everything, why? No supportive family to help with childcare. A disabled partner. A disabled child. Bad decisions I made when I was a teenager and I had no one to guide me to a better place. These consequences still impact my life now. No financial support. The list goes on.

I see so many people who have had things so much easier and don't seem to have worked hard to deserve half of what they have got.

Yes, working hard helps. Most of it is luck.

Hmm… but taken to its logical conclusion, NOBODY should be given credit for achieving anything. It was all fated/preordained by DNA and patents and environment.

There’s a big middle ground between “it’s all luck” and “it’s all hard work”.

Particularly for people who end up making a lot of money in business, strangers don’t usually see the multiple failures, years of scraping by, years of risk taking, years living where they don’t really want to live but where they need to be based. They just see the end result.

I think people who make a lot of money haven’t worked harder
, but sometimes they’ve taken “risks” and short term “sacrifices” (in the broadest sense of the term) which many other people with similar intelligence and opportunity decided not to take. Obviously you can only compare people who started from a position of roughly similar privilege. But clearly privilege doesn’t explain it all, otherwise all working class people would be earning the same and all middle class would be earning the same etc. Putting down all differences within these similar groups to just “luck” doesn’t cut it.

Yes! You are BU!
Everyone has the opportunity to go to uni!
My DH did - with no financial support from his family. He got a student loan.
He worked bloody hard for 3 years - leaving me and our DS back home - to get a good job when he finished. And he still managed to pay it back over 10 years.
Student loans shouldn't be called "student loans." When you finish uni; they take a small percentage of what you earn each month. If you can't pay it all back, it gets written off.
We sacrificed and worked hard to have the stable life we have.
Everyone gets the opportunity - it's up to everyone to apply them selves.

@Cornettoninja

This. I came from a broken home but put myself through university by winning a scholarship and then working every minute I wasn't studying. Today I run my own business. No I don't think it's all down to luck. It's down to choosing to study when there was little to no encouragement, to not go out but stay in and study or work when others went out partying. To saving every penny when others went out drinking, eating or shopping. So no, I don't think it's down to luck

@InTheNameOfAllThatIsHonest I don’t think it’s all completely down to luck either but I do think luck can completely change the course of a persons life.

You literally say yourself you ‘won’ a scholarship. There will be someone who didn’t win who was likely every bit as hard working/clever/dedicated as you were to win that scholarship and in another year may of won the same opportunity but may have had the course of their life changed by not getting that scholarship.

Maybe won was the wrong word. I had to get top grades in all my A levels. It was the same for all applicants.