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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH shouldn't blame me...

78 replies

mishroom · 07/09/2021 09:34

For not putting our family staycation in the main family calendar? I spent literally a whole evening discussing the long weekend with him and booking it. I put it into my calendar on my phone but didn't think to select 'family' for it to appear in both mine and DH's calendars.
I think DH should have put the holiday into his own calendar at the time we booked. He either forgot or relied on me to do it.
Anyway, I'm now waiting to feel his rath when he realises he's booked a work event plus golf plus a clubbing night over this weekend.
He's going to be furious. I should have put it in the family calendar but then surely he should have made sure he had put it in too... waiting for him to realise as I've now added it and it will pop up on his phone. He's working upstairs.

OP posts:
Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 07/09/2021 09:37

Yabu.
Family event surely goes on the family calendar?

LaurieFairyCake · 07/09/2021 09:37

Well if you're staying at home it doesn't matter Smile

Have a lovely weekend doing whatever you like

TakeYourFinalPosition · 07/09/2021 09:38

How does your system usually work? Is it that whoever books something puts it in the family calendar?

I’m guessing if the usual system was that you both put it in your own calendars, you wouldn’t have a family one…

To be honest, he’s probably forgotten, we all do. And he shouldn’t blame you, unless your agreement is that you should have put it in the calendar - but even then, anymore than minor irritation is overkill. He just needs to decide if he’s going on the staycation or doing the work/clubbing/golf events.

takehomepay · 07/09/2021 09:38

YANBU. He could have put it in the family calendar.

He was aware it was booked so no excuses.

mrsm43s · 07/09/2021 09:41

Actually I think this sounds like you cocked up a job you were meant to do. If you were the one taking responsibility to put it in the calendar, you should have put it in the right one. It makes no sense for the job to be duplicated and for you both to put it in individually when you have a set up where it can be added to both at once.

That said, you shouldn't be worried about him being "furious" or worried about feeling his wrath. It's just a mistake, they happen. You are married partners who love each other, you shouldn't be scared of his reaction to you making a simple mistake. It's not a big deal or life and death, plans can be moved.

Cryalot2 · 07/09/2021 09:44

He should have put the dates in himself . If you both booked it and he was aware then his place to take note.

Lockheart · 07/09/2021 09:44

If it's a staycation you'll be at home anyway, so maybe he can squeeze in the work event?

Original poster
mishroom · 07/09/2021 09:48

Thank you. Mixed views here. It would have been easier for me to put it in the family calendar, but I didn't as I got very stressed booking it all and just pressed on 'add to calendar' when the booking confirmation email came through. We don't really have a system so to speak, but I do think he should have made a note of it. I think I'm going to apologise and then he'll have to undo or move all his other stuff... one of which is his new product release date 😟

OP posts:
Original poster
mishroom · 07/09/2021 09:48

@Lockheart

If it's a staycation you'll be at home anyway, so maybe he can squeeze in the work event?
We're staying in a hotel a few hours away. Maybe I didn't mean staycation. A holiday in this country!
OP posts:
LastGirlSanding · 07/09/2021 09:50

Do you normally take charge of the family planning? Or do you both split it?

Regardless of who should have put it in the family calendar it’s a bit sad he’ll be so angry.

Whinge · 07/09/2021 09:51

I think I'm going to apologise and then he'll have to undo or move all his other stuff... one of which is his new product release date

If you're staying at home why does he need to move / cancel all his plans? Confused

If he's launching a new product then cancelling / rearranging will be very difficult and impact many others.

Whinge · 07/09/2021 09:53

Ah cross posted with you there OP. I took staycation to mean staying at home, but taking time off work.

TaraR2020 · 07/09/2021 09:54

Yanbu

He's a grown man capable of being responsible yes? Then he should have thought before he double booked.
Having a family diary is no excuse for one person absolving themselves of responsibility for the mental load.

He's a husband and father, not a child or Prince.

LastGirlSanding · 07/09/2021 09:54

Ah right X post. I think a launch for a new product is pretty important - how close to the time away are you because that could be very hard to postpone, especially if people knew it was for this reason, it just doesn’t look professional.

I think though if it’s no ones job as such to book these things in he ought to have put it into his calendar at the least, as well as check the family one because surely it was on his radar as coming up? Or is it your role to remember this stuff?

sirfredfredgeorge · 07/09/2021 09:55

Sounds like a good staycation, some golf, some clubbing, shame he has to work. Surely this is the main advantage of a "staycation" you're not stuck doing things with just the family?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/09/2021 09:56

No body is necessarily right or wrong about the calendar putting - it depends on your system. You’ve said you don’t have one,’so probably as well to decide one now.

That said, no one should be furious or displaying “rath” at the other - that’s not normal, healthy behaviour, and nor should you be scared of him.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/09/2021 09:57

Also, the sort of weekend he’s booked in would surely need a verbal, face to face conversation to make sure it’s ok with you for him to do this! Ie are you happy to cover childcare that weekend.

Ozanj · 07/09/2021 09:59

@mishroom

Thank you. Mixed views here. It would have been easier for me to put it in the family calendar, but I didn't as I got very stressed booking it all and just pressed on 'add to calendar' when the booking confirmation email came through. We don't really have a system so to speak, but I do think he should have made a note of it. I think I'm going to apologise and then he'll have to undo or move all his other stuff... one of which is his new product release date 😟
Sorry but you need to move the hotel stay or expect him to spend a chunk of it working in the hotel. A product release date is vital!!
ComtesseDeSpair · 07/09/2021 10:01

I wouldn’t be furious or wrathful if DP had booked something but not put it in our joint calendar, and your OH would be a dick if he was. But in our house the rule is that if you make the booking then you update the calendar and I wouldn’t be rearranging important work stuff like a product launch if he hasn’t. I imagine you have to be prepared for your OH to say the same.

Ponoka7 · 07/09/2021 10:02

So normally he gets to do golf and go clubbing, but will now be angry because he's got to go on holiday and actually spend time with the family? The only issue is work, the rest don't matter, unless he goes with friends who have full calendars and he's really letting them down. If it's a group growing, it doesn't matter if he drops out.
Could he not do the work thing and join you later?

Planty13 · 07/09/2021 10:04

You planned it, you booked it, I really feel like you should have added it to the family calendar.

Me and OH always do and it works well. What is the point in you having a family calendar if you are not going to add events when you were in charge of booking?

FinallyHere · 07/09/2021 10:04

one of which is his new product release date

Several of the teams I work with are all involved in a new product launch. At times, we have all been working round the clock in order to deliver. It's been tough but it has really bonded us and we are all really invested in the success.

I wouldn't think much of someone who decided to change the date just so .... they could go on a holiday that they had forgotten about.

Not in the diary, doesn't exist , at work and at home, so that whoever wants it to happen puts it in the diary. In your shoes, I would expect to be going on the holiday. Sorry.

Pedalpushers · 07/09/2021 10:05

He's not going to be able to move a product release date so you both need to start thinking about what you're going to do.

NewlyGranny · 07/09/2021 10:05

This is a classic "wife-work" scenario. It took me ages to work out why DH always blamed me if anything went missing in the house - "You must have thrown it out or put it somewhere stupid when you were tidying!"
Well yes, inevitably, because I was the only one doing any tidying. 🙄

I got a basket for him and dumped anything of his left lying around in it, but needless to say he didn't like that either. 🤷🏼‍♀️

LawnFever · 07/09/2021 10:13

Bit worrying you think he’s going to be furious about this, is that his usual reaction to a simple mistake?

I’d be a bit annoyed if I was him because if DH was making plans I’d think he’d add it to the calendar but once we realised the mistake I’d just sort it out - why don’t you go and tell him rather than wait for him to spot it?

I’d just go and say, oh damn I’ve just realised this clash, and sort it out.