Page 3 | To think DH shouldn't blame me...

Chloemol · 07/09/2021 19:23

You are both responsible for putting stuff on the family calendar. But I would also expect him to remember when the holiday is

Chloemol · 07/09/2021 19:25

@Lockheart

Definition of staycation

staycation
[steɪˈkeɪʃ(ə)n]
NOUN
a holiday spent in one's home country rather than abroad, or one spent at home and involving day trips to local attractions.
synonyms:
break · rest · period of leave · day off · week off · month off · recess · [More]
VERB
take a holiday in one's home country rather than abroad, or at home with day trips to local attractions.
"we have been busy sourcing the best spots to staycation this summer"

So it’s not staying at home

FlowerArranger · 08/09/2021 00:34

Not sure what this 'staycation' involves, but the OP's fear of her husband's wrath is deeply concerning.

Also, in what universe is it considered acceptable that a grown man with family responsibilities books himself 3 (THREE!!!!) major activities for a single WEEKEND ???

RiverSkater · 08/09/2021 00:49

If you discussed it together why didn't he put it in the diary??

Just say that. Look surprised that he didn't and ask him why he didn't pass his man weekend by you either. 🙄

Naunet · 08/09/2021 07:36

@girlmom21

I think I'm going to apologise and then he'll have to undo or move all his other stuff... one of which is his new product release date 😟

In your OP it was just a day of golf and a night out. This makes it seem like you did this intentionally - if he's planned a large number of events for the same weekend...

Ahh yes, because the poor men folk can’t remember plans even when you’ve discussed them with him, but women are mind readers who know all about their husbands commitments, even when he hasn’t told her about them. 🤨

SkinnyMirror · 08/09/2021 07:38

@Regularsizedrudy

Ffs my husband doesn’t need a family calendar because he’s a grown up not a child and is perfectly capable of remembering what is happening in his own life.

This!!!

DrManhattan · 08/09/2021 07:41

Let him go on his golf weekend, if he stresses over this I would enjoy the time he's away.

Cocomarine · 08/09/2021 07:49

So was he “furious”? 😕

Just so you know, in a good relationship, what happens is this:

fuckadoodle John, I just realised you’ve booked stuff on the holiday weekend, and that it wasn’t in the family calendar!
noooooooo! I should have realised, I knew the date. Fuck.
can you cancel?
hmmmm - golf and clubbing of course yes, but I do need to work that product launch - why don’t I call the hotel, in case they’re flexible?
thanks! How’s the launch prep going?

UserAtLargeAgain · 08/09/2021 07:51

Ahh yes, because the poor men folk can’t remember plans even when you’ve discussed them with him, but women are mind readers who know all about their husbands commitments, even when he hasn’t told her about them. 🤨

Not sure what point you're making - clearly DH has told OP about his commitments (made since holiday was booked) or she wouldn't know about them.

Quartz2208 · 08/09/2021 07:55

@NewlyGranny

This is a classic "wife-work" scenario. It took me ages to work out why DH always blamed me if anything went missing in the house - "You must have thrown it out or put it somewhere stupid when you were tidying!" Well yes, inevitably, because I was the only one doing any tidying. 🙄

I got a basket for him and dumped anything of his left lying around in it, but needless to say he didn't like that either. 🤷🏼‍♀️

This

Rugsofhonour · 08/09/2021 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

DoubleEx · 08/09/2021 08:14

Did he not discuss his golfing and clubbing weekend with you or did he just go ahead and book it without checking with you first? The mistake would have been caught then. But it sounds like he just does whatever the fuck he wants and knows you’ll always be at home sorting the kids and doing the wife work.

It’s concerning that you’re scared of his ‘wrath’.

Dacquoise · 08/09/2021 08:18

I really don't understand why the Op is feeling guilty about not putting it in a particular calendar. It was openly discussed with her DH when it was booked so he knew about it. She's not responsible for his memory if he's booked something over it. They're both adults. Why didn't he put it in his own diary? Women are not responsible for ALL the mental load although she clearly thinks she is by beating herself up with guilt and worry.

UserAtLargeAgain · 08/09/2021 09:12

@DoubleEx

Did he not discuss his golfing and clubbing weekend with you or did he just go ahead and book it without checking with you first? The mistake would have been caught then. But it sounds like he just does whatever the fuck he wants and knows you’ll always be at home sorting the kids and doing the wife work.

It’s concerning that you’re scared of his ‘wrath’.

It depends on their family system. We don't discuss things like this because our family "rule" is that if it's not in the calendar it's not happening. So booking something on a date that had nothing against it without discussing it, would be perfectly fine/normal. If we did have a conversation about it it would be along the lines of "I'm going to book a golfing weekend - there's nothing in the calendar, so shouldn't be an issue." and the other person would nod. (This works both ways so nothing to do with wife work).

If OP and her DH have a "discuss everything before booking and maintain their own diaries system" then this is different, of course.

TempName01 · 08/09/2021 09:43

In my family we would absolutely check verbally with the other parent before arranging anything that they were free and happy to have the children for that time, especially for the full weekend it is a courtesy to ask and not just assume the childcare (always seems to be the men who do this). I would not be happy with something just appearing in the calendar that therefore ties me up with the kids for the entire weekend.

Palavah · 08/09/2021 10:13

Surely it was his responsibility to book his own time off work. Has he not done this?

Lolapusht · 08/09/2021 10:19

Are product releases not planned quite far in advance? Did they not have a date for the release? Was he responsible for setting the date for the release? So, you spent an entire evening discussing this particular trip on these particular dates, he then forgot about the entire evening’s discussions and subsequently arranged the product release for that exact weekend, the dates not once sounding familiar? If that’s what happened then he’s a total div who has no right being furious about anything as he’s solely responsible for his own incompetence.

As pp have said, how does he get to arrange 3 things on the same weekend without mentioning them to you? How does that happen?!

Dixiechickonhols · 08/09/2021 10:25

If you booked it and would normally add it family then I can see why he’d expect that. If he can’t go on holiday can you move dates or take your mum etc instead. If he’s working he’s working.

Polkadots2021 · 08/09/2021 10:27

@mishroom

For not putting our family staycation in the main family calendar? I spent literally a whole evening discussing the long weekend with him and booking it. I put it into my calendar on my phone but didn't think to select 'family' for it to appear in both mine and DH's calendars. I think DH should have put the holiday into his own calendar at the time we booked. He either forgot or relied on me to do it. Anyway, I'm now waiting to feel his rath when he realises he's booked a work event plus golf plus a clubbing night over this weekend. He's going to be furious. I should have put it in the family calendar but then surely he should have made sure he had put it in too... waiting for him to realise as I've now added it and it will pop up on his phone. He's working upstairs.

Why don't you take kids on your own? Then he can do all his stuff, and you promise eachother to book something later in the year too even if it's something small.

People make mistakes OP it's no big deal, don't stress about it. He shouldn't either. It even gives him time to work on the product launch which tbh he'd need time and space for anyway.

FreeBritnee · 08/09/2021 10:28

I’d just go and stay in a hotel on my own. It sounds wonderful!!

EL8888 · 08/09/2021 10:30

@NewlyGranny exactly, that’s why I avoid wife work like the plague

Why did he agree time away at the same time as a key work date?! That’s not your issue surely. He’s not a child and needs to take some responsibility

AryaStarkWolf · 08/09/2021 10:39

We're staying in a hotel a few hours away. Maybe I didn't mean staycation. A holiday in this country!

Don't worry they knew what you meant, you don't usually need to book a night in your own bedroom

DoubleEx · 08/09/2021 10:58

@AryaStarkWolf

We're staying in a hotel a few hours away. Maybe I didn't mean staycation. A holiday in this country!

Don't worry they knew what you meant, you don't usually need to book a night in your own bedroom

Staycation/holiday is the new vagina/vulva.

DeliaOwens · 08/09/2021 10:58

OP, it is unfortunate that the family calendar was not updated. But, you are a human, not a robot and sometimes, mistakes happen. Unless you are paid and employed as his PA, I would consider this an error. It is sad and worrying that you are concerned your husband will be furious...does he get furious often?

DoubleEx · 08/09/2021 11:00

@TempName01

In my family we would absolutely check verbally with the other parent before arranging anything that they were free and happy to have the children for that time, especially for the full weekend it is a courtesy to ask and not just assume the childcare (always seems to be the men who do this). I would not be happy with something just appearing in the calendar that therefore ties me up with the kids for the entire weekend.

Yes exactly. If you’ve no young children at home then I guess it’s fine to just arrange your own plans. Although it does seem a little too much like ‘ships passing in the night’ for how I’d like my relationship to be.

But if you have young children you absolutely should not feel it’s okay to unilaterally decide that your partner will be doing all the childcare for the weekend while you fuck off on a jolly. I’d be incredibly pissed off of DH did that to me.