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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH shouldn't blame me...

78 replies

mishroom · 07/09/2021 09:34

For not putting our family staycation in the main family calendar? I spent literally a whole evening discussing the long weekend with him and booking it. I put it into my calendar on my phone but didn't think to select 'family' for it to appear in both mine and DH's calendars.
I think DH should have put the holiday into his own calendar at the time we booked. He either forgot or relied on me to do it.
Anyway, I'm now waiting to feel his rath when he realises he's booked a work event plus golf plus a clubbing night over this weekend.
He's going to be furious. I should have put it in the family calendar but then surely he should have made sure he had put it in too... waiting for him to realise as I've now added it and it will pop up on his phone. He's working upstairs.

OP posts:
Seiheiki · 07/09/2021 10:13

I'm more concerned about his anger
and that you've said you'll "feel his rath".

Flatdisco · 07/09/2021 10:20

@Brollypackedforscottishholiday

Yabu. Family event surely goes on the family calendar?
But why should op be the one putting it into the calendar?

I think there's an issue if he's going to be furious and you will feel his wrath.

Regularsizedrudy · 07/09/2021 10:21

Ffs my husband doesn’t need a family calendar because he’s a grown up not a child and is perfectly capable of remembering what is happening in his own life.

NekoShiro · 07/09/2021 10:31

Wtf this is really weird to me, specially the people saying you are being unreasonable.

Isn't he looking forward to a staycation with you? Have you not been talking about it and looking forward to it together?

Let him do whatever he's planned by himself and you should go enjoy your planned staycation by yourself.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/09/2021 10:32

You need an agreed system. We have an actual calendar in the kitchen and everything, including kids stuff goes in there.

patchoulicloud · 07/09/2021 10:33

@LaurieFairyCake

Well if you're staying at home it doesn't matter Smile

Have a lovely weekend doing whatever you like

😄 My god, this staycation bollocks makes me more furious than is reasonable.

STAYCATION MEANS STAYING AT HOME!!!!!!

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 07/09/2021 10:34

Op booked it....

AtlasPine · 07/09/2021 10:38

Blimey it’s not just her husband’s wrath she needs to look out for…

AtlasPine · 07/09/2021 10:39

Can you cancel and rebook for another weekend?

Juno231 · 07/09/2021 10:44

@mishroom pfft what are you, the household manager? I'd just go without him and maybe he'll learn his lesson that you're not his PA

Classic wife duties...

patchoulicloud · 07/09/2021 10:44

Seriously though, it is not your responsibility to manage his calendar. In this house we sit down together and agree dates of things and make bookings. We are then both responsible for keeping a note of the dates and booking any leave.
My husband did mess up his annual leave a while ago and he realised it was his fuck up and he sorted it.

It is a bit concerning that you're worried about his reaction though, do you often worry about his anger?

Ultraopaque · 07/09/2021 10:50

Why can't you have a simple conversation and say to him "sorry there's a clash on the calendar; you've booked work things when we were meant to be away. What do you want to do and how will we prevent this happening in future?"

I don't understand why either of you should be cross with one another. Stuff like this happens all the time, it's how you deal with it that matters.

TwooThirty · 07/09/2021 10:55

Have you got children? If so it’s pretty odd that he booked three things into a weekend without talking to you about it first - did he just assume you’d do the childcare?

ChateauMargaux · 07/09/2021 11:12

In our house, it would be a
'fuck', we have a clash, I didn't put it on the family calendar,...

'oh shit, I totally forgot that it was this weekend'
'what are we going to do'
'i can move the golf and the clubbing, but I still need to do the product launch'
'let me see if we can move the hotel and book for another weekend, I am sorry I didn't put it on the right calendar'
'I'm sorry I forget it was the same weekend'

I would walk away being annoyed that he couldn't keep more than one piece of information at a time and was so focussed on his own sphere that he completely forgot the entire evening of planning and the fact that he expects me to be responsible for the house and family admin.

DH would walk away, being annoyed that the system should have worked and he shouldn't have to remember everything as if the system worked, he wouldn't have to.

I would walk up there, or send a message, saying we have a problem... I presume the product launch has to go ahead, so what do you think, should I try to move it to another weekend, or should I go ahead with the kids, maybe you could join us for part of the weekend.

takehomepay · 07/09/2021 11:14

Don't apologise, OP. When DH books a holiday, it's my responsibility to check my diary and add it in to my personal and work diaries.

Why are you taking responsibility?

BlotBangRub · 07/09/2021 11:19

You discussed it with him then booked it. He was aware of the date I assume.
As far as responsibility goes, you've done your bit.
I'd be telling him where to get off if he started on about it.
As in shut the fuck up dear and either change your plans or I'm taking my best mate instead.
There, the discussion ends.

LjSebs · 07/09/2021 12:56

It was a mistake.. These things happen. He shouldn't be furious.

Naunet · 07/09/2021 18:29

He has no right to be furious with you over this. Yeah, ideally you would have put it in the family calendar, but it’s not something you’ve done wrong by not putting it there. You’re not an employee, it’s not in your job description, he is presumably a fully functioning adult who should be aware of family/joint plans. You discussed it with him, he was made aware, if he has a brain like a fish, he should be setting himself reminders rather than relying on you to act like his secretary.

Howshouldibehave · 07/09/2021 18:32

This was this morning, has he now realised?

WallaceinAnderland · 07/09/2021 18:46

@mishroom

Thank you. Mixed views here. It would have been easier for me to put it in the family calendar, but I didn't as I got very stressed booking it all and just pressed on 'add to calendar' when the booking confirmation email came through. We don't really have a system so to speak, but I do think he should have made a note of it. I think I'm going to apologise and then he'll have to undo or move all his other stuff... one of which is his new product release date 😟
Why should you apologise? You discussed it with him, you both agreed the dates. Did he check with you before he booked his stuff in - no.

Just shrug and say he knew about it, he should have put in his diary.

FromEnglandWithLove · 07/09/2021 18:52

Do NOT apologise. He's an adult just as much as you are, you both agreed the dates. Of course he should remember! You wouldn't forgot would you?

girlmom21 · 07/09/2021 18:58

I think I'm going to apologise and then he'll have to undo or move all his other stuff... one of which is his new product release date 😟

In your OP it was just a day of golf and a night out. This makes it seem like you did this intentionally - if he's planned a large number of events for the same weekend...

FromEnglandWithLove · 07/09/2021 18:58

And I'm going to hazard a guess thst he wouldn't forget about his golf or clubbing night even if it wasn't on the calendar

UserAtLargeAgain · 07/09/2021 19:02

@FromEnglandWithLove

And I'm going to hazard a guess thst he wouldn't forget about his golf or clubbing night even if it wasn't on the calendar
I'm going to hazard a guess that OP might well forget about his golf or clubbing weekends if they weren't on the calendar.

If the family has a family calendar system (we do too) then it's up to the person organising things to put them in. Otherwise the first item in the calendar "wins" any clashes.

RazorSharp · 07/09/2021 19:10

You booked it, you should've put it in the right calendar!

It's not his fault you got stressed and just did add to calendar.