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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not to offer the photographers a wedding breakfast?

406 replies

realteal · 06/09/2021 19:12

Just wondering if this is cheeky or not. Maybe this is the done thing and I don’t know about it!

We are hoping to get married next year. There will be one photographer and his assistant. Their photos are great to be fair and we are very happy to have booked them.

We’ve just got the contract through. They have asked us to order two wedding breakfasts that they will eat in a side room.

AIBU to think this is a bit cheeky? We are paying them a four figure sum. Why can’t they bring a flask, a lunch bag and a packet of crisps like everyone else who goes out to work?!

Is this a common request?

OP posts:
TractorAndHeadphones · 07/09/2021 20:24

@Bb16103

My photographer added this to his contract - a hot meal; - I had a covid wedding & pointed out he’d be working 2 hours instead of the contracted 8 hours; and that he would be finishing long before food! I think I took it a bit personally as the wedding planning was a bit of a nightmare with all the uncertainty & new rules. The venue (hotel) luckily had an outside restaurant so I could still feed the guests, but weddings at the time were limited to 15, and the venue advised me as others would be eating in the outside restaurant we couldn’t really have a photographer there for the reception part, so he was only there for ceremony & 1 hour afterwards. Maybe selfish but we were allocated 15 spaces only in the restaurant, we had to be out in an hour & I really had to fight to get even that, I didn’t want to uninvite a guest for the sake of feeding the photographer, we’d already dropped 45 guests from the list due to covid restrictions. The original wedding plan was to eat in their indoors restaurant & naturally people wanted to go out to eat as soon as they were allowed, spaces were limited for everybody eating out in April when I got married so I physically couldn’t fit him in, they were fully booked. I was a bit upset as it felt like everything was so difficult & he sent this request on email 6 days before the wedding, it was frustrating. I did have a guilt attack after the conversation, I felt a bit mean & transferred him £30 to get himself something to eat. I was glad I did because he was a nice man, he worked very hard for us on the day & I don’t think it was him trying to be difficult, I think it’s just a normal thing that they ask for.
Your photographer took the piss - but given that he’d have lost a considerable amount of his income due to Covid and government help for the unemployed was less than stellar I can’t blame him for trying get everything he could out of you. I’d have been cheesed off though even understanding why he did it
Heliachi · 07/09/2021 20:28

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Heliachi · 07/09/2021 20:29

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GreyhoundG1rl · 07/09/2021 20:30

If not we'll arrange to have a plate made up for her from our buffet.
Or you could just let her join the buffet as if she's a real person like the rest of you?

hoxtonbabe · 07/09/2021 20:39

I never realised this was a thing, but thinking about how our weddings and parties are where it tends to be a buffet affair even if it’s lots of dishes at the table on a lazy Susan the photographer, videographer, wait staff etc always get something and we just expect them to help themselves as and when they get hungry or thirsty ( making sure they take photos or recording of the key moments of course, lol)

I remember my mums party, I think it was her 80th and it was a big 8 hours affair, had camera and video man, I had not long returned from Lanzarote and brought back an huge bottle of the ovenproof vodka that I put out for everyone to help themselves too, what I didn’t bargain for was the videographer who at that point was in the hall with only 10 or so guests ( it was at the start ) to guzzle a quarter of the bottle! How he produced us with a decent video is still beyond me, lol

pollymere · 07/09/2021 21:23

I have no idea what my photographer and assistant ate! I certainly didn't feed them.

linsey2581 · 07/09/2021 21:39

Yes this is common practice. Our photographer asked for a just a small plate to be made up but his assistant wouldn't require one as he would only be at the church. As the photographer was a friend of my parents (he did our photography for free as my dad did a favour for him) we invited him to sit at the tables with everyone else. Turned out it was the best idea as we got some cracking off the cuff shots. You are being very rude if you don't offer them any food.

lobsteroll · 07/09/2021 21:45

You don't have to give them the 3 course meal you give to your guests. Ask the caterers for supplier meals. Usually something simpler - they'll do a big lasagne for whatever suppliers need food and it's a fraction of the cost of guest meals.

They just need (and deserve) a hot meal at some point during the day. I'm gobsmacked that so many people are horrified by this. Why wouldn't you want to keep the person who is creating the tangible memories of your day, happy, fed, and watered.

Betty65 · 07/09/2021 21:58

Absolutely normal practice to feed photographers, musicians and any other supplier that’s there for the long haul.
That said they don’t have to have same meal as your guests. Quite often your caterer will prepare lasagna or similar for suppliers to eat separately ....

Fleshmechanic · 07/09/2021 22:15

If you don't want to give them anything fancy then you should at least provide them with some sort of food to last when they're working. Sandwiches brought from home obviously won't last the entire time. I understand you're paying loads but they're human beings, will you next begrudge them a break because of how much they're being paid?

lalafafa · 07/09/2021 22:27

@SmallPrawnEnergy

I am feeding ours. They have spaces in our table plan too. Imagine treating them like people not slaves Shock
I've looked at mine twice in 20 years, right waste of £
Millicentsparty · 07/09/2021 22:41

l@lalafafa
I've looked at mine twice in 20 years, right waste of £

Get a friend and a Canon camera. Invest the money in a savings account. Use it 30 years later for a cosmetic surgeon. Guarantee you, you won't care about a precious moment that's missed. You will care that all you wrinkles are gone.

WomanStanleyWoman · 07/09/2021 23:01

@GreyhoundG1rl

If not we'll arrange to have a plate made up for her from our buffet. Or you could just let her join the buffet as if she's a real person like the rest of you?
Oh for heaven’s sake 🙄 Not making your photographer part of the wedding party doesn’t mean you see them as sub-human. Dial down the drama.
Sydendad · 07/09/2021 23:25

Having been a supplier to many weddings in Europe I am very surprised that the majority thinks contractors should be fed. I never asked for it and always brought my lunch / dinner. Would never have dreamt of asking to be fed. But that's Europe maybe.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 07/09/2021 23:39

We asked our photographer what he and his assistant would need to eat and he said a burger and a drink. The place we booked offered that at a reasonable price. I saw it as them not having an excuse to leave midway for lunch as it was provided. You could ask the place to give them sandwiches even.

Sydendad · 07/09/2021 23:47

Can't believe some of the comments 'treating them as humans' ? Bollocks! It's a professional service and as a professional you plan your job and for a wedding you expect to arrive in the morning and not leave before the night is over. You bring a bag with enough food and snacks to keep you going, you don't drink and you don't eat with the guests. You eat when it works out quickly and spend the rest of the time roaming around to get nice shots of everyone. I often found though that apart from the official pictures pictures by guests portray the event much better.

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 08/09/2021 00:08

I had to google what a wedding breakfast was!

Bertiebiscuit · 08/09/2021 00:10

No - they are at (very well paid) work, so like all workers they should sort out their own lunch, drinks etc I would say - I think they've got a nerve expecting you to pay for their food and drink as well as paying them very well

DrCoconut · 08/09/2021 00:19

Our wedding photographer came to the church then the reception. But he didn't stay the whole time, just long enough to photograph a mock up of cutting the cake and a couple of pics of the flowers and then he was on his way.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 08/09/2021 00:38

We paid for a meal and drinks in the separate bar for both the photographers and the band. We invited our cake maker (a friend of a friend) to stay for the evening do, but she was pregnant and declined.

skyisblue21 · 08/09/2021 00:48

There's a photographer lady on tiktok that says she expects to be fed and it's in the contract, people went mental over it!

It is normal to feed them, they would sit in a separate room and doesn't have to be a 3 course meal.

What I don't get is why can't the photographers then pay for their own meal at the venue? I'll count you in as getting a meal but you'll be paying for it. Why do they expect it for free!?

Heliachi · 08/09/2021 00:50

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Hogwarts4Christmas · 08/09/2021 00:52

I think it's cheeky that they're insisting on being fed.
OTOH, we fed our drivers, photographers DJ, etc, at my 1st wedding and they had the same meal as everyone else and also ate in the same room as us on their 'own' table, but they didn't expect it at all and we're really pleased/surprised that we'd thought of them in that way.

Tbf, this was 25 yrs ago though so things were different.

For me, it's the expectation and telling you what to order that is rude.

KhoshkaKatya · 08/09/2021 02:19

Conviviality bypass alert.

Angel2702 · 08/09/2021 06:29

Our venue allowed them to order from the bar menu and provided an area for them.

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