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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to offer the photographers a wedding breakfast?

406 replies

realteal · 06/09/2021 19:12

Just wondering if this is cheeky or not. Maybe this is the done thing and I don’t know about it!

We are hoping to get married next year. There will be one photographer and his assistant. Their photos are great to be fair and we are very happy to have booked them.

We’ve just got the contract through. They have asked us to order two wedding breakfasts that they will eat in a side room.

AIBU to think this is a bit cheeky? We are paying them a four figure sum. Why can’t they bring a flask, a lunch bag and a packet of crisps like everyone else who goes out to work?!

Is this a common request?

OP posts:
pcl09 · 07/09/2021 18:22

I never for a second considered feeding the photographer….. it was 20 years ago and I’m feeling very guilty now… all the people he must have bad mouthed me to after that!!! Is it too late to get him a deliveroo 20 years later???

Gwenhwyfar · 07/09/2021 18:25

@AmadeustheAlpaca

I am also very surprised that a wedding band who are generally only there in the evening would expect the wedding couple to provide food and drinks and not bring their own. If that’s the case, shouldn’t you be providing food for the DJ if you have one instead of a band?
The band will be playing inside I suppose and quite often you're not allowed to bring your own food and drink to a hotel. I thought drinks for bands was quite common when they do gigs.
blubberyboo · 07/09/2021 18:25

@Millicentsparty

Who the hell wants to eat a sandwich that’s been sitting in a car all day? Maybe you?

Plus often the photographers role takes up so much of the day it covers 2 mealtimes lunch and dinner. Warm sandwich for lunch and warm sandwich for dinner… yum

aSofaNearYou · 07/09/2021 18:30

Why do people employ such incompetent people that can't make or buy a sandwich in advance?

Well tbf, since more than half of people seem to provide food, a lot of the time you don't bring food because you're expecting it to be there.

Hesma · 07/09/2021 18:32

CFery IMHO , you’re paying enough already

PeachyPeachTrees · 07/09/2021 18:38

I didn't know this was a thing either.
We had a few no shows on the day and their meals were going spare, so we offered one to the Toastmaster and he was pleased. The photographers could have had one each but they didn't ask. They were at the venue from 1 hour before ceremony until Wedding breakfast, then went to their office and uploaded and saved photos and I presume ate lunch. Then they returned for a few hours in the evening and took more photos.

Mirw · 07/09/2021 18:47

If you want them there for photographs during and after the meal, feed them. Anything else is just mean.

Anitarest · 07/09/2021 18:49

Must remember to tell the head that I should get a school dinner for free as I’m there all day. The amount we paid for the photographer, he could well afford to buy his own.
We did offer the photographer and DJ a drink for the toast, but they didn’t expect it.

GreyhoundG1rl · 07/09/2021 18:53

We did offer the photographer and DJ a drink for the toast, but they didn’t expect it.
I'll bet they didn't, when you were too tight to spring for a meal.

aSofaNearYou · 07/09/2021 18:57

@Anitarest

Must remember to tell the head that I should get a school dinner for free as I’m there all day. The amount we paid for the photographer, he could well afford to buy his own. We did offer the photographer and DJ a drink for the toast, but they didn’t expect it.
Photographers are generally there for a good deal longer than teacher's hours.
MimiDaisy11 · 07/09/2021 18:57

I think some people have made a good case for feeding the photographer in terms of location though I don’t get the point that if they made a sandwich it would be gross to eat later on in the day. Making your own lunch and dinner to bring to work is a thing many people do and it would mean it’s left sitting until lunch and dinner time.

caspersmagicaljourney · 07/09/2021 19:02

It's the norm to cater for your suppliers, although I agree it's a bit cheeky for them to 'demand' it.
Normally the venue will supply it at a reduced cost as long as the supplier consumes it in a side room. Sometimes the meal is less fancy than what is being served to the guests but that's something you can discuss with event organiser.

purplebunny2012 · 07/09/2021 19:05

I didn't expect to feed mine! That was nearly 20 years ago, though

Bb16103 · 07/09/2021 19:08

My photographer added this to his contract - a hot meal; - I had a covid wedding & pointed out he’d be working 2 hours instead of the contracted 8 hours; and that he would be finishing long before food! I think I took it a bit personally as the wedding planning was a bit of a nightmare with all the uncertainty & new rules.
The venue (hotel) luckily had an outside restaurant so I could still feed the guests, but weddings at the time were limited to 15, and the venue advised me as others would be eating in the outside restaurant we couldn’t really have a photographer there for the reception part, so he was only there for ceremony & 1 hour afterwards. Maybe selfish but we were allocated 15 spaces only in the restaurant, we had to be out in an hour & I really had to fight to get even that, I didn’t want to uninvite a guest for the sake of feeding the photographer, we’d already dropped 45 guests from the list due to covid restrictions. The original wedding plan was to eat in their indoors restaurant & naturally people wanted to go out to eat as soon as they were allowed, spaces were limited for everybody eating out in April when I got married so I physically couldn’t fit him in, they were fully booked. I was a bit upset as it felt like everything was so difficult & he sent this request on email 6 days before the wedding, it was frustrating.
I did have a guilt attack after the conversation, I felt a bit mean & transferred him £30 to get himself something to eat.
I was glad I did because he was a nice man, he worked very hard for us on the day & I don’t think it was him trying to be difficult, I think it’s just a normal thing that they ask for.

ImInStealthMode · 07/09/2021 19:08

It's a bit cheeky to ask for the full wedding meal! Our photographer requests a meal but is very clear that it doesn't need to be the same as the guests. Our venue also has a cafe so assuming it's still open at the time we're eating (obviously we'll check in advance) we'll happily send her there and pick up her bill. If not we'll arrange to have a plate made up for her from our buffet.

ConkerBonkers · 07/09/2021 19:09

To be fair I go to work all day and my employer does not feed me. Sometimes my husband works 12 hour shifts. He takes a pack up. Why in earth your suppliers are demanding a 100 pound meal each, and can't make do with a sandwich for just one day on which you are presumably already paying hundreds or thousands of pounds for their time, does seem very entitled of them.

CandyLeBonBon · 07/09/2021 19:14

[quote Millicentsparty]@blubberyboo
I’m off to find a garage somewhere to get a sandwich

Why do people employ such incompetent people that can't make or buy a sandwich in advance?[/quote]
It's not incompetence I can assure you. That's really quite unpleasant.

Callingallskeletons · 07/09/2021 19:16

We didn’t order one for our photographer (and she was amazing!) she took her “break” in a side room whilst we were all eating though and came back for the speeches etc

CandyLeBonBon · 07/09/2021 19:17

@hedgehogger1

I'm at work all day and don't expect to be fed
You also get employee benefits. A self employed photographer does not. Additionally if you are required to attend an event off site or at a different location, your employer has to pay you mileage, and accommodation abd subsistence costs if away from the office. You probably also have a fridge to store your food in.

It's like comparing apples and bananas.

Moonwatcher1234 · 07/09/2021 19:54

@Anitarest

Must remember to tell the head that I should get a school dinner for free as I’m there all day. The amount we paid for the photographer, he could well afford to buy his own. We did offer the photographer and DJ a drink for the toast, but they didn’t expect it.
But you’re not lugging around your whiteboard, projector, entire supply of class tablets and textbooks are you. I’m honestly surprised so many people are too tight or officious to feed people who are working so hard (and often go over and above) to help deliver the most wonderful day for them, irrespective of the fact they are being paid.
NamechangedGamechanged12 · 07/09/2021 19:55

It’s absolutely expected at a full day wedding. I am
a wedding photographer and I only want to be fed if it’s a full day i.e. 10am to 10pm. I cannot survive on sandwiches and I definitely wouldn’t be doing my best work after 6pm without a meal. Often the venues are in the middle of nowhere so I can’t pop out to buy something. I never ever expect a wedding breakfast though, soup and sandwiches or a burger in a separate room is enough. Once I wasn’t offered food and it was at a remote castle. I did bring sandwiches but that wasn’t enough to fuel me for the full day. It’s now part of my contract.

Millicentsparty · 07/09/2021 20:05

[quote blubberyboo]@Millicentsparty

Who the hell wants to eat a sandwich that’s been sitting in a car all day? Maybe you?

Plus often the photographers role takes up so much of the day it covers 2 mealtimes lunch and dinner. Warm sandwich for lunch and warm sandwich for dinner… yum[/quote]
For goodness sake. Every week I worked a 33hr shift from 9am to 6pm the following day. And every 6th weekend I was on call from 9am Saturday to 9am Monday. I covered the whole of the county. I was often out til 1 am, sometimes having to go out a second time in the night. I couldn't go, "oh, no, I can't come to that emergency. I need to go home to make a hot meal." I drove and worked outside in all weather's. I organised my food. All my coworkers managed the same. If you feel your sandwich us going to get to an unfavourable temperature 🙄, get a cool bag and put it in there.
Do I have to do the thinking for the thinking for the entire country. 🤷 😄

Burgess67A · 07/09/2021 20:05

Seems like a cheek to me. Can’t they bring butties? My employer doesn’t feed me

Millicentsparty · 07/09/2021 20:12

@CandyLeBonBon

Why do people employ such incompetent people that can't make or buy a sandwich in advance?

It's not incompetence I can assure you. That's really quite unpleasant.

Of course it's incompetent. If you know you're not getting lunch, you take lunch with you. Unless agreed beforehand, it's unreasonable to wander off looking for a sandwich.
You wouldn't expect the teacher of your child to miss the lesson after lunch because they didn't bring a,sandwich so they decided to go to a supermarket and got caught up in a queue.
Think ahead!

Bleachmycloths · 07/09/2021 20:15

Seems a bit mingey not to give them proper refreshments