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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to offer the photographers a wedding breakfast?

406 replies

realteal · 06/09/2021 19:12

Just wondering if this is cheeky or not. Maybe this is the done thing and I don’t know about it!

We are hoping to get married next year. There will be one photographer and his assistant. Their photos are great to be fair and we are very happy to have booked them.

We’ve just got the contract through. They have asked us to order two wedding breakfasts that they will eat in a side room.

AIBU to think this is a bit cheeky? We are paying them a four figure sum. Why can’t they bring a flask, a lunch bag and a packet of crisps like everyone else who goes out to work?!

Is this a common request?

OP posts:
Explosivefarts · 06/09/2021 22:33

@AmadeustheAlpaca

In Scotland. I have never heard of anyone offering the wedding photographers meals at the ceremony or reception. Ever. Might offer snacks if they are in your house taking photos of the bridal preparations but not a sit down meal. They are paid a large amount of money to take photos of the ceremony, speeches and the guests at the post wedding drinks reception plus the dancing. Completely unheard of in central Scotland. It’s not meanness, just not a tradition.
I’m in Scotland and never heard of anyone not offering .So I don’t know where you are getting completely unheard of from .
Millicentsparty · 06/09/2021 22:35

I used to work 9 til 6, and one night a week I used to work 6pm through to 9am on top of that. So each week I'd do a 33hr shift. I often couldn't get back to my house to make anything. I just had sandwiches or maybe a flask of soup. And I paid for it myself. People are totally bonkers with 'they can't go without a hot meal'. They bloody can, and if it were my wedding, they bloody would.

HollowTalk · 06/09/2021 22:35

Never ever piss off your wedding photographer! You won't like any of the photos he takes if you do.

whenwillthemadnessend · 06/09/2021 22:35

As an ex wedding photographer it was a nice to have but I never expected it and mostly had a sandwich I was too busy to take a real break anyway

Explosivefarts · 06/09/2021 22:38

@Millicentsparty

I used to work 9 til 6, and one night a week I used to work 6pm through to 9am on top of that. So each week I'd do a 33hr shift. I often couldn't get back to my house to make anything. I just had sandwiches or maybe a flask of soup. And I paid for it myself. People are totally bonkers with 'they can't go without a hot meal'. They bloody can, and if it were my wedding, they bloody would.
In that case they just wouldn’t take you on a client if it’s clearly in their contract.
beigebrownblue · 06/09/2021 22:43

@Millicentsparty

I used to work 9 til 6, and one night a week I used to work 6pm through to 9am on top of that. So each week I'd do a 33hr shift. I often couldn't get back to my house to make anything. I just had sandwiches or maybe a flask of soup. And I paid for it myself. People are totally bonkers with 'they can't go without a hot meal'. They bloody can, and if it were my wedding, they bloody would.
Monty Python.. For those of us who still don't get he joke... 'We lived int cardboard box on motorway'. 'We got up before we went to bed...'

Point being.
No point being reduced to lowest denominator

f

beigebrownblue · 06/09/2021 22:44

Long and the short of it is.

Don 't get married girls.

Save yourself the bother.

Kite22 · 06/09/2021 22:45

I'm with the OP. Nice to be offered, but cheeky to ask.
So if you have a tradesman working at your house all day, he should be fed?
Given what they're charging, they should either bring their own food or suck it up as an additional cost.

This ^.
If you want a photographer following you around from early in the morning until late at night (and why you would is beyond me, but I know some people do), then I would expect them to have meal breaks, but I would expect anyone who is employed to do a job to sort out their own meal arrangements - which might well include them having a conversation with the venue to see if they might buy something there, or even heat something through, but I wouldn't expect to be ordering them a "wedding breakfast"

gwenneh · 06/09/2021 22:47

which might well include them having a conversation with the venue to see if they might buy something there, or even heat something through

Unless your venue is actually a restaurant, this generally isn't permitted.

Lorw · 06/09/2021 22:49

When I had plasterers in over a few days I made them all bacon sandwiches and made sure they had hot/cold drinks and biscuits. So yes I would still feed tradesmen if they were gonna be there all day especially for the sake of a bit of bread and bacon 😁

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 06/09/2021 22:50

It’s standard. But your venue should do a supplier meal - chips & burger - doesn’t have to be 3 course full shebang.

Photographers often work 16 hour days, very physical work. They need more than a sandwich to get through, and vast majority of venues won’t serve other food beyond what is ordered by the wedding. The other option is they go offsite and find a McDonald’s or somewhere that does food. Fine if you are happy to risk them getting stuck in line/traffic and missing photographing the speeches.

beigebrownblue · 06/09/2021 22:52

@WomanStanleyWoman

The following is not 'rude' by the way, it is an opinion. and as such I'm entitled to it.

You do realise that the previous poster was entitled to her opinion that you were being rude?

Lovely, yes. doesn't mean i have to agree with the person in question, now does it?
TractorAndHeadphones · 06/09/2021 22:52

@Millicentsparty

I used to work 9 til 6, and one night a week I used to work 6pm through to 9am on top of that. So each week I'd do a 33hr shift. I often couldn't get back to my house to make anything. I just had sandwiches or maybe a flask of soup. And I paid for it myself. People are totally bonkers with 'they can't go without a hot meal'. They bloody can, and if it were my wedding, they bloody would.
Just because you could and did doesn’t mean everyone else should. Also were you on your feet all day carrying heavy equipment and running up and down? And remember - you can’t prevent your wedding photographer from physically leaving. Even if they left and missed something and you complained and refused to pay or whatever - you’d never get the moment back!
sabs22 · 06/09/2021 23:01

We have a full meal to our photographer, he didn’t ask and it wasn’t in his contract, but I just assumed it was the done thing when he was there for over 12 hours! We also ensured the band were fed at night and covered their drinks.

MeredithGreyishblue · 06/09/2021 23:03

It's quite common. It was 20years ago too.

bonfireheart · 06/09/2021 23:05

Need that Nish Kumar "white people" meme....

thenewduchessofhastings · 06/09/2021 23:08

I use to work catering at weddings;it's quite common and the polite thing to do.Their wedding most of the day at your wedding and need food.

thenewduchessofhastings · 06/09/2021 23:11

*working

CandyLeBonBon · 06/09/2021 23:16

@Millicentsparty

I used to work 9 til 6, and one night a week I used to work 6pm through to 9am on top of that. So each week I'd do a 33hr shift. I often couldn't get back to my house to make anything. I just had sandwiches or maybe a flask of soup. And I paid for it myself. People are totally bonkers with 'they can't go without a hot meal'. They bloody can, and if it were my wedding, they bloody would.
In which case, most good, experienced and highly professional photographers would take note of that mindset, prior to any booking conversation, and subsequent avoid working for you, if that is in their standard contract. There are plenty of others who are prepared to work in poor conditions, for peanuts and 'exposure bucks'. I guess that's the kind of person you'd probably want to hire. Everyone is different.
Millicentsparty · 06/09/2021 23:35

@beigebrownblue
Point being.
No point being reduced to lowest denominator

No. Point being. People can live without a hot meal for a few hours.

Millicentsparty · 06/09/2021 23:41

@TractorAndHeadphones
Just because you could and did doesn’t mean everyone else should.
That's why I qualified with "if it were mine".

Also were you on your feet all day carrying heavy equipment and running up and down?
I drove and worked outside, sun, wind, rain, snow. I'm pretty sure I carried things heavier than a camera and a tripod. But, even if I didn't, I bet my working conditions were a lot harder than taking photos in a church, gardens and country house. And yet still I survived on sandwiches and soup.

Balonzette · 06/09/2021 23:42

It's happened at every wedding I've been to.

Millicentsparty · 06/09/2021 23:50

@CandyLeBonBon
"In which case, most good, experienced and highly professional photographers would take note of that mindset, prior to any booking conversation, and subsequent avoid working for you,"

They wouldn't need to bother avoiding me, I'd have already sacked them off. And if meant others heard on the grapevine and declined to consider me, good. It'd save me time listening to them and then sacking them off too. For the prices they charge, they can sort their own food out.

Makegoodchoices · 06/09/2021 23:57

Well you learn something new every day! This was not a thing at the time I got married. However standard was that photographer did home, church, group, venue and cake pics before the meal - then they were done for the day.