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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you forget to reply to messages?

88 replies

AlmostAlwyn · 05/09/2021 11:36

I don't ever forget to reply to someone if they've sent me a message. I just don't. I really don't understand how it happens. Are people so really busy that they can't fit in 30 seconds to reply to a message?

My brothers do this, but most recently a friend has just not replied to my last couple of messages. I don't live in my home town but am back visiting my parents. A while ago, I sent her a message saying I'd be back on X dates. She replied saying it would be great to see you, usually free on this day, etc. Then recently I sent another message suggesting a specific day and just... nothing. It's been read though!

Has she just forgotten? Does she hate me? She lives about 40 minutes away from my home town by car and when I was out running the other day, I passed her in the park so she's not comatose or anything.

Do I message her again, light and breezy? Should I say I saw her in the park? Just not message her at all because she's obviously not that fussed about meeting me?

Help!

OP posts:

shouldbeworkingmore · 05/09/2021 11:38

I forget all the time, often I miss the notifications. But I try not to be on my phone that often so won't even know there is a message that i'm ignoring.

KatherineOfGaunt · 05/09/2021 11:39

Yes, I do. I don't mean to usually. I'll perhaps read a message then DS will need attention and I'll forget. I try to leave them unread until a time when I can reply but it doesn't always work that way.

shouldbeworkingmore · 05/09/2021 11:39

It seems odd that she was keen then nothing. Maybe wait a bit.

PivotPivotPivottt · 05/09/2021 11:39

No it makes me anxious if I don't reply to someone's message. I don't open it if I know I don't have time to reply.

ragged · 05/09/2021 11:40

Sometimes people don't reply because they can't make a decision or figure out answer to what you asked.

libertybonds · 05/09/2021 11:40

Yes

libertybonds · 05/09/2021 11:41

...but i would probably write your friend off if it's multiple messages she's missed

standupsitdownturnaround · 05/09/2021 11:41

I forget all the time and my favourite friends are the ones who don't mind.

CorpusCallosum · 05/09/2021 11:41

This happens to me often. I'm sure she doesn't hate you! Especially if she's done it before. A bit rude if it was about meeting up and not just a what you up to type thing though.

Follow up one more time if you like then let it drop.

BarryTheKestrel · 05/09/2021 11:43

Yes I forget. I have young children. I'll read a message, they'll ask something, need something and I'll put my phone down, walk away and when I get back to it I've forgotten because the notification has gone.

Also, texts, emails, WhatsApp messages etc are to be sent and replied to at will, not necessarily immediately but when you have time. If you want an immediate response or answer, call.

TeenMinusTests · 05/09/2021 11:43

Yes.
If I think I should do a long answer but I can't right now as busy or need to think how to word it.
Or if like quite a lot of the time these days I'm struggling just to get through the day, answering a message just feels like another 'job' that needs doing.

Janek · 05/09/2021 11:43

If I don't answer straight away then I forget to answer. I will do it at some point, but it is likely to be a while. Reasons I might not answer straight away are that i'm at work/busy, or that I don't know the answer for whatever reason (eg can we meet/can you do me this favour? - I may not want to, but need to think about what i can do/what excuse/reason to give). I try to leave messages unread if I'm not going to respond straight away to remind me to do it, but I am quite organised (despite what I just wrote).

In answer to your question, I would text one more time, but with a more 'doesn't matter if you're not available' attitude. but then leave it, and probably think twice about contacting her next time i'm in town. unless she gets back to you of course.

GoWalkabout · 05/09/2021 11:44

If someone gets your message when they are in an appointment or doing something and don't reply then and there its easy for your message to fall down the list and people are busy, its not necessarily personal. However, if I am ambivalent about meeting someone I might also not reply straight away - its not usually 'I wish they'd not contact me' but more 'I'm feeling busy that week, will I want to go' , or I'm not sure how much either of us is getting out of this / will she be moany and negative like last time /will I find it hard to find interesting things to talk about /does she find me boring /a show off'. Some of my friends are just not on their phones much and take days to reply.

UserStillatLarge · 05/09/2021 11:44

I always reply to messages but don't see the need to reply within 30 seconds. If you only sent the message "recently", she might well still be working out when she is free - particularly as this is a time of year where lots of things are starting up again, so she might be waiting to hear about dates for other things first.

If you're not about for long (so she does need to reply quickly) I'd send her a reminder though.

UnsuitableHat · 05/09/2021 11:45

Yes I sometimes forget to reply to messages. It’s nothing to do with the length of time it takes to type; I just sometimes need to be in the right headspace, or I don’t reply immediately then it slips my mind. People do this to me too and I don’t know anyone who gets unduly bothered. Nothing wrong with a friendly nudge though if you need a quick answer.

icedcoffees · 05/09/2021 11:46

Constantly. I'll read a message quickly at work/between jobs but don't always have time to reply. I then get distracted and forget about it completely.

Newmumatlast · 05/09/2021 11:46

@AlmostAlwyn

Do I message her again, light and breezy? Should I say I saw her in the park? Just not message her at all because she's obviously not that fussed about meeting me?

Help!

Adhd can cause this too and there are a lot of undiagnosed adults. I'm not saying your friend has adhd just that you may not always know all the reasons for someone's behaviour and the reasons arent always negative towards you

Ostryga · 05/09/2021 11:47

Allllllll the time. My friends are used to it and will message ‘Oi!!’ when I don’t reply.

But I do have (diagnosed with a psychiatrist) adult ADHD, so that is my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 05/09/2021 11:47

Yes, forget a lot. My phone is not my priority and I can put it down somewhere and not check it for hours even days. If someone messages but I don't see it til I look at my phone late at night I might think oh it's too late to reply now, I will in the morning. Then I forget they even messaged me.

flowerpootle · 05/09/2021 11:49

I never forget. But I don't always reply if I don't want to or don't know what to say. I know that's not great but I hate confrontation / used to be a people pleaser.

ScrumptiousBears · 05/09/2021 11:49

All the time. I try to not open messages until I can reply otherwise I often forget and never reply.

SquirryTheSquirrel · 05/09/2021 11:50

I don't forget but I don't use my mobile phone much - I check it about once a day for messages. I always reply but it might be the following day.

SlamLikeAGuitar · 05/09/2021 11:50

I do it all the time
With 3 dcs under 6, my house is a clusterfuck of carnage most of the time. I will often read a message, put my phone down and say “I’ll reply to that when I’ve done xyz”....then just forget
Luckily my close friends know that I’ve got a brain like a sieve and don’t take offence to it though

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 05/09/2021 11:51

It can take me ages to reply to a message and I have friends who are the same, no one has ever mentioned it as being an issue and I have no problem with double messaging (if that's the right term) and totally understand that people are busy, forget stuff, get distracted. It's no biggie at all

plodalong12 · 05/09/2021 11:52

I do this all the time. Sometimes it’s because I genuinely don’t see it, other times I’ll hear or feel the notification go off but I’m busy, and sometimes I pull the tab of my phone down to read the message but don’t click on it so the sender can see i’ve read it, just because I don’t feel like responding at that particular moment.

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