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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I in the wrong? Feel stupid now.

198 replies

MiaAnnabell3 · 04/09/2021 15:29

In town today, very busy shopping centre.

Whilst paying for parking a little boy came running past me - very distressed, you know that "blind panic" when they've lost their parents. Shouting mummy repeatedly.

As he was heading through the doors to the multi story car park I left my own kids with my husband and was thankfully able to get myself in front of him before he made it out - I never touched him, just blocked his way.

I asked him if he knew where to find mummy but he was so distressed it was hard to understand, was just shouting for his Mum.

A couple came through the doors and I said "Is this boy with you?"

To which two women appeared and said "No he's with us. We were watching him from over there. He was having a tantrum and you gave him the attention he wanted. You want to keep your nose out!" Then sort of snatched him up and walked off. One of them also shouted "Karen!" over her shoulder.

Feel really stupid now. Sad

OP posts:
Bollindger · 04/09/2021 17:25

Better to stop a child and make them safe, than see them hurt.
Thank you.

ufucoffee · 04/09/2021 17:27

I'd have done the same as you. They are cruel and nasty woman.

MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 04/09/2021 17:33

OP, you weren’t in the wrong here!

They were letting him blindly run off in a panic in a car park?? Bloody hell! Incredibly stupid and irresponsible from the people supposedly looking after him.

I read today about another woman contacting the supermarket security to make a tannoy announcement after spotting a child of about 5yrs left alone in a car with the window open after more than five minutes had elapsed since she started watching the car. Apparently, the parent had been shopping in the supermarket and left a snotty ‘mind your own business’ note on the concerned woman’s car windscreen.

Who the hell thinks it’s ok to leave a 5 yr old alone in a car, to go shopping as if they were a dog?? Which isn’t really acceptable either.

Crazydoglady1980 · 04/09/2021 17:34

You did nothing wrong, and people should never worry about approaching a distressed child. 30+ people saw James Bulger when he was with his murders and although people asked questions they didn’t check he was okay. If one of those people had asked further questions, the outcome might have been different.
Although this situation is different, I think that one should fee they have done something wrong by trying to support a young child. You never know what is going on

Pollythecat15 · 04/09/2021 17:43

You definitely did the right thing.

I still have memories of this happening to me as a small child.
I was in a busy play park with my Dad.
I lost sight of him and became very distressed.
My Mum had gone to the nearby shops so I started walking out of the park to try to find my Mum (as I couldn't see my Dad anywhere).
I wish someone had come to help me (I'd only be about four) but no-one did.

It was only years later when my Dad confessed to me that he had conducted the whole thing as an "experiment".
He was curious to see how I would react to "being lost" and was watching my distress while hiding behind a slide!
He didn't expect me to actually leave the park to look for my Mum (busy town shopping centre with main roads) and came running to grab me just before I reached the road.

I just look back on it now and can't believe how cruel he was.

CheltenhamLady · 04/09/2021 17:46

You did exactly what most people would have done. I hate the sort of parents who behave like that. I wonder what goes on behind closed doors.

Bloodypunkrockers · 04/09/2021 17:48

They sound awful. That's beyond a tantrum, the poor soul sounds as if he was distressed and panicking. Twats.

Plus anyone thick enough to use Karen as a jibe is unlikely to be anything other than a twat anyway. And there is no "right" way to use it.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 04/09/2021 17:48

Yanbu.
It's a question of whether you can live with yourself I reckon.
I would have done the same as you simply on the basis that I couldn't forgive myself if he had been run over or gone missing.

manchote · 04/09/2021 17:51

The fact they used the awful Karen slur in the completely wrong context just shows how classy they are. They've used a term which has been weaponised against women to connote nasty behaviour but are mindlessly shouting it at you seemingly only because it's fun and somehow cool to do that, without any relevance to the fact that you were doing something actually responsible and kind! This just reflects poorly on them, not you. Don't give it another thought.

BoredZelda · 04/09/2021 17:54

And if I told what I’d do to someone who called me Karen, I’d get deleted and/or banned.

I don’t think quietly seething and walking away would get you banned.

Niffler92 · 04/09/2021 17:54

I’d love to know who clicked YABU and why.

BarbaraofSeville · 04/09/2021 17:55

You weren't in Leeds were you? If not, it must be national neglect your child week as I had a very similar experience yesterday.

I was walking along and there was a 2/3 YO girl sat outside a shop crying. I looked around and couldn't see a parent. I watched her for a minute and looked around, and asked the girl where her mum or dad was, but she didn't respond. I thought she may either be scared of me or not understand English so I went in the shop to ask if they'd seen the girl or knew anything about her.

They said they'd seen the child but sent her outside because she was running around the shop pulling things off shelves. At this point it still wasn't clear if there were parents around, but I went outside by which time two women and a boy about the same age had appeared and by now they were shouting at the children and trying to march them along.

The women were literally striding along at fast adult walking pace with the two toddlers running as fast as they could trying to keep up with them. After a while they did slow down but what can you do? They didn't look like the type of people who would have taken kindly to having a stranger say anything to them.

MotherOfGodHoulYerWhisht · 04/09/2021 17:55
Hmm
Lweji · 04/09/2021 17:56

They sound very cruel to the boy, if he was looking for mummy.
As well as twats for the Karen.

PurpleOkapi · 04/09/2021 17:56

YANBU. Walking away from a tantrum may be fine in one's own home, but anything that results in a child careening unsupervised towards a car park is bad parenting. It doesn't really matter that they were watching him, because they were too far away to stop him from running out and being hit by a car.

Dixiechickonhols · 04/09/2021 17:57

You were 100% right and very kind.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/09/2021 17:57

Shame you found such scummy people, OP - you were of course completely in the right

Put the idiots out of your mind, as I did when I had similar after stopping a toddler who was making fast for a busy road. Unfortunately that's the standard of some parenting - they're probably the type who parrot "shouldn't judge" at every verse end too

Biancadelrioisback · 04/09/2021 17:59

My DS slipped out my hand in the changing rooms at the swimming pool while I was putting stuff in a locker. He was only 2 or 3 at the time and went running towards the pool. It was a parent a child swim too and not a single person that he ran past (ran along a corridor where the lockers were, through the open door, through the water well thing (presumable to rinse feet maybe?) And toward the actual pool) even attempted to stop him or help me, despite me shouting his name and dropping all our belongings on the floor to chase him. Not even the life guard seemed arsed and my heart was pounding.

I wish there had been someone like you there OP. Obviously I had 'worst case scenario' playing in my head so we ended up going home.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 04/09/2021 18:02

You did exactly the right thing OP. You stepped up and were the adult in that situation where someone needed to be.

Please accept a well done and a bunch of flowers from me. 👏💐

Lovemusic33 · 04/09/2021 18:11

I would have done the same OP, who allows their child to run out a door towards a car park? He was obviously upset, doesn’t mater if it was a tantrum, they should have been keeping him safe.

GoodnightGrandma · 04/09/2021 18:14

Two women peddling misogyny. I really do give up.
I need to buy an island for one.

cookingisoverrated · 04/09/2021 18:17

They were cunts demonstrating their shitty parenting skills. Imagine they'd be singing a different tune had you let him run through the doors to the parking garage and he'd gotten hit by a car.

You did the right thing. Poor kid.

Whattheduck · 04/09/2021 18:20

They sound a delight
You were definitely right to do what you did surely any responsible person would have done the same .I know I would have as I’d never forgive myself if something had happened to them.

godmum56 · 04/09/2021 18:22

I have no kids and would ALWAYS intervene in such a situation. You couldn't have been more in the right if you were the Mayor of Right City on the Planet Right

SquirryTheSquirrel · 04/09/2021 18:24

@godmum56

I have no kids and would ALWAYS intervene in such a situation. You couldn't have been more in the right if you were the Mayor of Right City on the Planet Right
I don't have children either. I don't know any children, I am no good with children ... but you can bet your life I would do something if I saw a child running into danger.
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