Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle this for me please!

95 replies

Myusernameisunique · 02/09/2021 22:24

So no backstory or anything to this really but please can someone tell me if AIBU or if, as I think, I'm being fair enough.

I'm having a small party at home soon for DC's birthday, 4-8 year olds coming if that makes a difference. I have a Ddog who is a pest with food and things so have arranged and paid for them to be looked after for the day to save me stressing and poor Ddog ending up locked away somewhere. DP, who for context doesn't live with me and has no DC or anything, has asked me if his DB's dog can come along to the party. No backstory with in-laws or anything and usually I wouldn't have a problem. This is the first time DP's DB will be coming to my home. I've said no on this occasion as I've already arranged for my dog to be looked after for the day to alleviate the stress of them running about all the kids and stealing food and stuff. Both dogs are small breeds but still I'd just rather there was no stress. DP thinks AIBU to say no and should let DB bring the dog and he's fallen out with me a bit over it. There is somewhere the dog could go so it's not preventing him coming. DP's making me feel terrible. I'm not usually one to say no to things as I hate hurting peoples feelings so I feel extra bad! Am I in the wrong? Should I just let them bring the dog? It's my DCs first proper party with their own friends and things as well because of stupid Covid so I'm working extra hard on a tight budget to make it special. It's just taking the shine off it all a bit having this to worry about. DP suggested I message DB to say the dog can't come as well which I've said I'm not comfortable with and I feel like he's trying to make me feel guilty. I don't know DB that well, only exchanged the very odd couple of sentences a couple of times. So it would be strange for me to say anything I think and make me look a bit mean. Any advice/opinions welcome!

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 02/09/2021 22:29

yanbu

MountainAshley · 02/09/2021 22:32

yanbu

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/09/2021 22:34

YANBU, DP gets no say in this because its not his house.

There will be noise, excitement and food. Not a place for dogs you don't know very well.

LublinToDublin · 02/09/2021 22:34

Yanbu

NatriumChloride · 02/09/2021 22:34

Yanbu. It’s still a stress.

marly11 · 02/09/2021 22:35

Nope. YANBU. Your party, your decision and it's easier not to have to look out for a dog you don't know well when you are looking are other people's DC. DP is not organising the party and perhaps he is not used to effectively anticipating problems and the hassle of running these things; you are being realistic and planning ahead

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 02/09/2021 22:36

Yanbu and your partner is being a right prick. I would uninvite him as well.

AdaColeman · 02/09/2021 22:36

Stick to your guns, your arrangements for the party sound sensible. Your DP is being unfair in trying to guilt trip you into doing what he wants.

takealettermsjones · 02/09/2021 22:37

YANBU. I hate it when people ask to bring their dog to another person's home. Wait until the homeowner offers.

annacondom · 02/09/2021 22:37

Yanbu.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 02/09/2021 22:38

Yanbu
It's not fair on the dog or you and not every child likes dogs even when owners say breezily "oh it's ok hes friendly he wont hurt you " Hmm

RoseGoldEagle · 02/09/2021 22:39

You are definitely not being unreasonable. It’s a kids party and you’ve already paid money to make sure there isn’t a dog (yours) there, why would you then say it’s fine for another dog who doesn’t know the house and will be stressed to turn up?

Kattya · 02/09/2021 22:39

NoYanbu when we have lots of people round we arrange for our dogs to be elsewhere. It saves stress for us and stress for the dogs
We had a party recently and someone asked if they could bring their dog. And we said. We have made arrangements for ours due to the number of people and they took the hint

Samanabanana · 02/09/2021 22:40

YADNBU

notyourrealaunty · 02/09/2021 22:43

YANBU - it is not you who is in the wrong and falling out with you a bit when you hate hurting other people? I think you deserve better. Stick to your guns and enjoy the party- it's a lovely thing you are doing.

Wolfiefan · 02/09/2021 22:43

DP is being an arse. This is a child’s party. Small children and food plus a strange dog? Only an idiot would think that was a good idea.
Plus your dog getting back and the house smells of a strange dog? Pee. Lots of marking.
Does he always have his head this far up his arse? Or do parties just bring out the utter cockwomble in him?

Wafflethefuckinwonderdog · 02/09/2021 22:45

Yanbu

Marmalady75 · 02/09/2021 22:46

YANBU if I was taking my ds to a birthday party I wouldn’t appreciate overexcited dogs I don’t know running around. You have spent money to ensure your party is dog free, so do should respect that.

notthemum · 02/09/2021 22:47

You have arranged for your own dog to be out for the day.
A small dog that none of you are familiar with, excited children, honestly OP ? Be reasonable of course the dog doesnt come.
However there is no reason why you should not text the brother. Be honest , just say that you have arranged for your dog to be cared for elsewhere for the day and you do not want to have animals in the house.
He will probably respect you being straight with him. If not he's an arse and you need to repeat No.
Unless you are hosting the rest of DPs family why is his brother even coming to a small kids birthday party ? You have said you don't know him well.
Finally, your DP gets no say. It is not his house.

Chloemol · 02/09/2021 22:48

YANBU. Your house, your rules, also bearing in mind your own dog is going elsewhere it’s not fair to have someone else’s dog there with all that entails

And your DP should accept that

And if he doesn’t I would be telling him to stay away as well

AlCalavicci · 02/09/2021 22:49

Yanbu at all , why on earth does be want to bring his dog to a kids party.
Surely he realises that young children + food + strange house ( for the visting DCs and dog ) is not tve place to bring a dog to.

The DCs are likely to feed the dog alsorts of inappropriate food and the poor dog will be sick ( pref in his car on the way home )

If you are feeling genourouse you could suggest meeting up later in the week at a dig friendly park / pub / cafe .

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/09/2021 22:53

Yanbu at all

Your dp is being a dick. It’s not even his house!

When you’ve gone to effort to make sure the party is dog free, why would you bring another dog into the mix?

Chattycatty · 02/09/2021 22:54

Your dp is hoping you will give just send the message saying "Hi it'd be lovely to see you for the party. Hope you don't mind not bring the the dog thanks so much see you on party day" then put your phone down its done no need to overthink it. Do it fast and forget.

lottiegarbanzo · 02/09/2021 22:55

YANBU

Stick to your guns.

Lots of young DCs aren't comfortable with dogs. The ones who like it will wind it and themselves up. Others will be jumpy and uncomfortable. All will distract from the party.

Is DP your DC's dad? If he was, you'd think he'd prioritise what's best for his child and for the child's enjoyment of the party.

Iloveacurry · 02/09/2021 22:56

Your DP is being unreasonable. He doesn’t live there, it’s not up to him. Your dog isn’t even going to be there!