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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle this for me please!

95 replies

Myusernameisunique · 02/09/2021 22:24

So no backstory or anything to this really but please can someone tell me if AIBU or if, as I think, I'm being fair enough.

I'm having a small party at home soon for DC's birthday, 4-8 year olds coming if that makes a difference. I have a Ddog who is a pest with food and things so have arranged and paid for them to be looked after for the day to save me stressing and poor Ddog ending up locked away somewhere. DP, who for context doesn't live with me and has no DC or anything, has asked me if his DB's dog can come along to the party. No backstory with in-laws or anything and usually I wouldn't have a problem. This is the first time DP's DB will be coming to my home. I've said no on this occasion as I've already arranged for my dog to be looked after for the day to alleviate the stress of them running about all the kids and stealing food and stuff. Both dogs are small breeds but still I'd just rather there was no stress. DP thinks AIBU to say no and should let DB bring the dog and he's fallen out with me a bit over it. There is somewhere the dog could go so it's not preventing him coming. DP's making me feel terrible. I'm not usually one to say no to things as I hate hurting peoples feelings so I feel extra bad! Am I in the wrong? Should I just let them bring the dog? It's my DCs first proper party with their own friends and things as well because of stupid Covid so I'm working extra hard on a tight budget to make it special. It's just taking the shine off it all a bit having this to worry about. DP suggested I message DB to say the dog can't come as well which I've said I'm not comfortable with and I feel like he's trying to make me feel guilty. I don't know DB that well, only exchanged the very odd couple of sentences a couple of times. So it would be strange for me to say anything I think and make me look a bit mean. Any advice/opinions welcome!

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 02/09/2021 22:58

Oh right, not the dad. Just being a selfish idiot.

Do he and his brother need to be there at all? Sounds like they're using the occasion as an excuse to meet up and do their own things anyway.

Wowcherarestalkingme · 02/09/2021 22:59

YANBU. Not his house, he gets no say. And he is being a prick to try and guilt you in to it.
My DS would be petrified if there was a dog at a party he was going to. You don’t know the dog and how it will behave around children or vice versa

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 02/09/2021 22:59

YANBU. Big dog lovers on my family but none of us would assume our dog was invited somewhere without knowing beforehand, and we wouldnt take it along to the home of someone we didnt know for a childrens party. Your DP is being an arse. His brother is being really odd too, you don't need to take your dog everywhere, and you really dont need to take it to your brothers girlfriends DCs party with food and noise and children running about.

angelikacpickles · 02/09/2021 23:01

YANBU

Tirediam · 02/09/2021 23:02

Why the f would he even want to bring his dog? Is he very attached to it? Ridiculous YADNBU

3luckystars · 02/09/2021 23:04

Say one of the kids has an allergy and that’s why your own dog won’t be there. Your partner is being unreasonable and I would get rid of him for being a big stupid head.

FunTimes2020 · 02/09/2021 23:08

Every poster says YANBU, including me! Show your "D"P this thread, and stick to your guns. Who cares if his brother gets the hump and doesn't come!

Brindisi32 · 02/09/2021 23:15

Yanbu. You don’t know the dog and how he/she will behave around a group of young, excited children. You’ll have enough to do without the added stress of a dog and children annoying one another.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 02/09/2021 23:17

Why would your dp even think he gets a say in what happens in YOUR home?

StoneofDestiny · 02/09/2021 23:20

You put your dog away and he wants another dog to come? 😂😂😂
He's nuts - and has a hell of a nerve to imagine he can decide what comes over your threshold.

PieceOfString · 02/09/2021 23:21

You say 'not even my dog is welcome in the house that day so no your db dog can't come'.
Don't feel guilty! That's reasonable. Any other response than 'oh OK, just thought I'd ask' it's a dick move

unsportyspice · 02/09/2021 23:24

Yanbu.

Sittingonabench · 02/09/2021 23:27

He asked and you gave him your answer - end of discussion. If he’s asking you to text DB then it would make me suspect he is trying to play off your vulnerabilities which is absolutely not ok. Tell him he doesn’t have to come if he wants to spend time with the dog

BoredZelda · 02/09/2021 23:28

Enjoy the party, bin the partner. Life’s too short to be with someone who acts that way.

Original poster
Myusernameisunique · 02/09/2021 23:29

Wow! That's overwhelming. I thought I was maybe being a bit, as DP put it, "awkward" as he really didn't seem to understand that it would be unfair on me to have another dog in the house after paying to have mine away from it! For context his DB is bringing his children to the party! I also wouldn't normally say no and would have the dog here no problem. It's just that mine won't even be here and I've paid for that! I totally agree as well with other posters wondering why some people think they can just bring their dogs to peoples houses or ask to bring them. I'd never put mine upon anyone and always have him looked after, even if he's invited! Mostly because he's a pest though. Thank you for all the replies. I just wish that DP had the same way of thinking as everyone else. Best of it is, he's not even an animal lover! Think it was more the fact I said no and he doesn't get that from me a lot.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 02/09/2021 23:31

Yanbu. Stick to your guns. Make sure that dog doesn't come. Text that person yourself to say he is welcome to come, but no dogs for the day.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 02/09/2021 23:33

Worst case the ddog bit a dc.

Who explains that to the dps?
An unknown ddog at a dc's party is madness regardless of the cfery involved...

jackstini · 02/09/2021 23:41

Just say there is an issue with some of the guests being allergic to dogs and you've arranged for your own dog to be away, definitely can't have any in the house

YANBU

PieceOfString · 02/09/2021 23:49

Agree with pp, having an unknown dog in a house full of excited children is unwise. If it did bite one foot any reason you would be in a very difficult position trying to explain that situation to the parents! I would have no qualms telling dp to f off in his attitude to this!

Howshouldibehave · 02/09/2021 23:54

@Brollypackedforscottishholiday

Why would your dp even think he gets a say in what happens in YOUR home?
I would be very wary of this man, sorry but he sounds like a pushy twat who thinks you should do what he says in YOUR own home! It doesn’t bode well for the future.
godmum56 · 03/09/2021 00:02

Yanbu and I say this as someone who loves my dog to bits. Its not just cheeky to expect it, it is likely to be hugely over stimulating and horrible for the dog. Stick to your guns and well done for being a sensible caring mum and dog owner.

Suzi888 · 03/09/2021 00:05

YANBU as you don’t know the dog. I wouldn’t.

I have a dog and I love dogs! But I would most definitely need to know the dog extremely well. It will add to your stress and it’s your house.

Recessed · 03/09/2021 00:08

Who brings their bloody dog along to someone's house when they have never even met?! That's weirdo behaviour - why would he want to bring his dog? I adore my dog but you don't bring them to random houses Confused it would never enter my head to!

As an aside - how's this "D"P generally? He doesn't seem to like it when you say no to him. He's trying to make you feel bad when you have a perfectly reasonable explanation, even if you didn't have a reason it shouldn't matter, it's your house, your child's birthday and you said no. Why is he so intend on pushing your boundaries? He's ruining this for you. Sounds like a bit of a prick to me...

Viviennemary · 03/09/2021 00:09

No a dog certainly cannot be invited to a children's party. What if one of the children is afraid of dogs. Or even not used to them. Its a recipe for disaster.

Recessed · 03/09/2021 00:11

Just say there is an issue with some of the guests being allergic to dogs and you've arranged for your own dog to be away, definitely can't have any in the house

No don't say this. You don't need to lie to placate a grown ass man. You said no. That's it. Stick to your guns OP