Traumatised by being smacked

[Babyparrotdog]

Sounds dramatic to some maybe but am I the only one who feels they are genuinely traumatised from being ‘smacked’ as a child? I feel so much worse about it since having my own child.

YANBU. I’m definitely traumatised by being ‘smacked’ (well, hit) by my father when I was a kid.

He never removed any of my clothes though and frankly I think anyone who does that is a pervert as well as violent.

YANBU. My parents both smacked when I was a child. My mother smacked both my brothers and me but my father only used to slap me, and used to boast about "never having to hit the boys" except for one sole occasion. Like it was something to be proud of.
For me, he would slap round the face and I still remember the initial pain and shock, the ringing in my ear and the hot feeling on my cheek. Then that hateful "let's make friends" moment afterwards. The last time he did it I was nineteen. It's definitely affected me. I told my middle brother about it and he confronted Dad who denied it.

The amount of people saying "but I deserved it" in this thread is horrible to read.

Noone deserves to be assaulted by anyone, especially not as a defenceless child.

If anyone even threatened to hit my child, I have no idea what I would do because even seeing strangers shouting at their children makes me see red.

I was hit a lot, and I distinctly remember hiding from my mum behind the sofa because I hadn't tidied my room. She hit me, dragged me upstairs by my hair and threw a wooden jewellery box at my head. Luckily I moved in time, or I'd probably have received quite an injury.

I didn't deserve that. I can understand why my mum was upset, but I'd never condone her behaviour.

I was never hit, but my sister was and has definitely been affected by it.

My husband’s dad hit him on rare occasions and my husband still refers to it with a mix of sadness and incredulity.

I definitely think it’s abusive, no matter what anyone says. Either way, it’s crappy parenting.

I grew up somewhere that getting the ruler/cane/slipper as punishment was normal and my parents would hit me quite often as well. Never really given it much thought if I'm honest

I definitely deserved it!

@Marshmallow91

I get what you’re saying. But those posters who have defended their parents have one thing in common. They love their parents and believe that they parented in the way that they thought best, and the way that they themselves were brought up.

Basically, if you love your parents, it’s an instinctive thing to ways to explain their actions to yourself. This is why they say that they ‘deserved’ to be smacked, I think.

That’s where I’m at. I know that my DM made mistakes when bringing us up. She smacked us herself more than she has been willing to admit, and she wasn’t approachable to her children. Which is why she never saw what else was going on under her nose. (I accept her word that she didn’t know about it, though at times that’s been quite hard.)

Ultimately, it’s easier to put all the blame on the parent who is dead and was at the end of the day the one who really was guilty of abusing us.

I’m shocked at the amount of posts mentioning physical punishment in schools. When was corporal punishment outlawed? I was never hit by any of my teachers.

I think traumatised is a bit extreme. I remember to 2 occasions I was smacked with discomfort, but not trauma. I think if it's a regular thing in a child's life or done with violence and screaming it would be more upsetting

I look back and remember being smacked/hit. Not often. I think it is achieves nothing and didn't do it myself, nor did I shout except once which still makes me feel a bit ashamed.

@CurryLover55

I was smacked in primary school, in the mid 1970s. Only with a hand, not a ruler or any other implement. One teacher smacked children a lot. Late 70s and early 80s, it was just the fact that there was a cane in the headteacher’s office, I think,

Then corporal punishment was banned. I remember hearing that it was, I don’t remember exactly when.

YANBU
This type of thing definitely has an impact on some people.

We lived in fear of my dad being in a bad mood because we knew if he smacked us he would lose control.

I hardly give it any thought now but my sister is still traumatised by it, she even has counselling.
Same experience totally different outcome.

@PumpkinKlNG

I definitely deserved it!

No you didn't.

It's not funny.

Where did I say it was funny! On mn obviously everyone’s kids are little angels but not all children respond well to the naughty step or time out, we are talking about teenage tear aways here not a toddler getting a smack for drawing on the wall, I don’t blame my mum one bit.

@PumpkinKlNG

Where did I say it was funny! On mn obviously everyone’s kids are little angels but not all children respond well to the naughty step or time out, we are talking about teenage tear aways here not a toddler getting a smack for drawing on the wall, I don’t blame my mum one bit.

Haha. Never saw a teenage tearaway whose home was a calm haven where the parent/s consistently modelled self control and good methods of conflict defusement and resolution. The fact that so many of these parents have managed to fail their children three times over - once by modelling shit behaviour, twice by hitting children for imbibing it and three times for making the kids think it was their fault - is absolutely tragic.

And a toddler who draws on the wall was left unsupervised when they shouldn't have been. If anyone deserves a slap for that, it's the parents again. You didn't learn that either?

I was slapped in primary school, in the 80s, with rulers, pieces of wood from the edge of the blackboard, hands etc and I was a really quite, studious child and this was par for the course for wrong answers in homework, being accused of day dreaming etc

At home my mother had a REALLY short fuse and was a stressy, anxious short tempered parent. My dad worked a lot and never really hit me that I can remember, he excelled in the 'guilt' chat - 'you've really disappointed me etc' which I hated with a passion.

My mother hit me a lot, with her hands on bare legs or arms, very stingy & smarty. Or sometimes with the back of a hairbrush. Very hard. She used it as her no 1 go to method of discipline for my whole childhood until I hit my teens. My sister is much younger and she never hit her, which always felt v unfair to me. She took all all her frustrations out on me and it was a wider family 'joke' how quick she was to anger & how impatient with me she was (not that I ever found it funny)

The absolutely infuriating thing is, much like the OP, she totally re-invented herself once she became a grandmother to my dc who were the first grandchildren. She's positively earth mother now and would intervene if I spoke in a firm voice!

I have never once put a hand on my children in anger or frustration and they're now teens. And I never will, neither has dh, despite a very troubled upbringing. I am really proud of that. We were not a shouty family either , my mother was very shouty.

She seems to have whitewashed her own behaviour in her own head and has no recollection. But I have not forgotten. Nor will i.

There is literally no excuse worthy of hitting children imo

No not traumatised at all.

I never said a child deserves a flap for that 🤦‍♀️ You obviously misread, my point was that would be when it was completely uncalled for, we are talking about kids who run away from him, join gangs, steal etc, sorry but even that happens to “good parents”

Him=home*

Flap=slap! 😑

Oh...and in the absence of additional needs etc, positive reinforcement and time out work very well, as long as they are used consistently and with patience. Modelling the behaviours you want your kids to learn is the best thing you can do.

Not something hitters want you to know.

I don't feel at all traumatised by the few smacks i had.

@PumpkinKlNG

I never said a child deserves a flap for that 🤦‍♀️ You obviously misread, my point was that would be when it was completely uncalled for, we are talking about kids who run away from him, join gangs, steal etc, sorry but even that happens to “good parents”

And kids who join gangs and steal won't stop if their parents hit them! What planet are you on?