Traumatised by being smacked

[Babyparrotdog]

Sounds dramatic to some maybe but am I the only one who feels they are genuinely traumatised from being ‘smacked’ as a child? I feel so much worse about it since having my own child.

@RiversideAnne

I don’t feel traumatised exactly but now that I have my own baby I truly, truly can’t understand why my parents smacked me. They didn’t do it often at all - I only recall 2 or 3 occasions. And it was a quick smack with the hand. But it is hard to understand how they could have been ok with it when I feel like I would chew my hand off before I hit my son.

I just remind myself that it was a different time with different standards. It’s not exactly an excuse, but it’s an explanation.

Because many people thought it was being a good parent to discipline their children. My dad told me how his own dad had given him the slipper for deliberately breaking a neighbours window, and afterwards he caught his dad crying it had upset him so much to do it, but he felt it was his duty and he would have been failing my dad in not teaching him a lesson. This was the 1940s, but was the attitude my parents grew up with and which influenced their own parenting. I'm in my 50s and while I didn't smack my children I didn't think it was terrible either as I'd been smacked in a loving household. The change in attitudes has been gradual.

I'm so sorry OP, please don't try to minimise your feelings about what smacking has done to you, your feelings are valid
I was smacked with a leather belt up until the age of about 9 I think, always dished out by my father over his knee with my pants pulled down, it always makes me feel disgusting when I think of it now, I'm 45yrs old. My dad would get home from work and I'd hear my mum tell him whatever I had done and then I'd hear the footsteps up the stairs. Begging and pleading, hiding, running away, he was bigger than me so I was always going to get my punishment. It stopped when my sibling was born in the 80s, I have no idea why they decided to parent them differently but they never got a smack for being naughty.
Like other posters, I tend to think of something else if it ever pops in my head. Funnily enough, my dad has apologised on many occasions and says he regrets it, wishes he could go back in time and says that's just how he was bought up. My mum never discusses it but I don't know how she could sit downstairs listening to the crying and screaming above her and not want to stop it.
Unfortunately I think it helped shaped me into what I am today, people pleaser, afraid to speak up for myself, not be able to deal with confrontation, I sometimes feel I go about life apologising to anyone for anything, even existing in some cases I'm a well behaved adult now though, a model citizen in society so I guess it worked huh?! 🙄😂
I accept my childhood, all I can do is live the best I can and break the chain of "that's how I was bought up" to my children.

Not traumatised. Occasional smack on bum, when definitely old enough to know full well I had done something bloody naughty. Haven't done it to my kids as times have changed, but it wasn't really a big deal when I was a child.

No as it never happened often and was what happened to all my friends so see a tap or light smacking as normal back then
One of my friends dAds used fo actually full on hit her hard and I knew that was not the type of smack the rest of us received

My mum and her siblings were really badly hit as children. All of her siblings have gone on to hit their own children although not to the same extent. My mum has never laid a finger on us and I never will with my children.
I can never fathom why an adult thinks they have the right to inflict pain on a defenceless child simply because they birthed them.

I don’t remember what age it stopped for me but I was still scared of it happening way into my teens and think it would have if I got on the wrong side of them. I always avoided going anywhere with him in public for fear of the humiliation of having my trousers pulled down and smacked in front of people. I used to try and draw absolutely no attention to myself if we were out anywhere so that I wouldn’t accidentally do something that would warrant it.

I’m 30 now so this was in the 90’s, I don’t think a lot of my friends were smacked but one friend in particular was and I remember her saying to me when we were about 10 that she was so happy because she hadn’t been smacked for a whole week and feeling really jealous and wishing I could go a whole week without a smack. We are both NC with our fathers. As are all other children they had.

Not traumatised at having been smacked, but I would never ever hit a child so more confused that it was considered normal back then.

I'd never hit a child or animal. Or anything that was weaker than me and not a physical threat. It makes me wince to see parents hit children. Such a lack of control.

Yup 😔 My dad used to "smack" my bum, up until ages 13 or so. The humiliation and the bruising afterwards are so vivid in my memories.

I couldn't get changed easily for PE in late late primary/early secondary as the bruising - that lasted ages - was on my thighs as well as bum.

The last time he did it when I was 13, I brought up in one of those "family meetings" that used to be popular in the 1980s how embarrassed I felt in PE and my parents instantly dismissed me and told me of course they never marked me and I was exaggerating it.

But they never did it again so 🤷🏻‍♀️ hopefully I embarrassed them a bit into realising it was wrong.

I also relate to being forced to cuddle afterwards and told it "hurts me more than it hurts you". Utter crap. It was power and humiliation and pain done in anger.

I wasn't a naughty child at all 😔

I have never hit my children.

My mother would always slap first and ask questions later. I think it was wrong but I am not traumatised by it. I grew up in the 70s and 80s and it was an accepted punishment. I once had my head shoved under a tap by a teacher to wash my make up off! Forget about it op, times have changed and you don’t need to be dwelling on it.

@Dizzy1234 I have no memories of sitting on my mums knee or being cuddled either. I was the scapegoat (middle child) Its made me extremely independent and resilient but it’s not a nice feeling is it?

To clarify...

My parents never:

• bruised me or left a mark
• removed clothing/underwear
• smacked with anything other than palm of hand

I think going beyond any of those would have put it in a different league for me and probably caused more trauma but everyone's different.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

To clarify...

My parents never:

• bruised me or left a mark
• removed clothing/underwear
• smacked with anything other than palm of hand

I think going beyond any of those would have put it in a different league for me and probably caused more trauma but everyone's different.

I think this is the difference. Not that I condone any smacking at all. My mum used to tell people a story about me not being able to do PE lesson because I had handprints on my legs so she had to make an excuse, like it was a funny story to tell? Really weird and no one I’ve heard her tell ever laughed

Just reading some of these stories and I am a bit shocked by the removing underwear and leaving marks on skin. No wonder people are traumatised.

My partner's family also all hit their kids. My partner wouldn't dream of it. His sister told us proudly how her toddler had been playing up so she held her hands above her head and smacked her all over And his family laughed. And they wonder why my children have never been alone with any of them.

We were smacked, I'm not traumatised.

But it seems you were smacked a lot more and a lot more violently too. Also it stopped a lot earlier, not sure what age, but I think after about 8 years old I wasn't really smacked.

I think it was the norm years ago and it’s the realisation that it was actually abuse that have left a lot of people feeling traumatised.

My mum reacts like I’m really harsh for speaking to my child with a firm voice if he does something dangerous! She seems to have forgotten her own behaviour and reinvented herself as a grandma! Or maybe it’s because she’s now married to someone who was and is nice to his children

His sister told us proudly how her toddler had been playing up so she held her hands above her head and smacked her all over

That's awful. The poor child. That's the sort of thing that makes me want to give the parent a piece of my mind - my dad used to hold me upside down by my ankles to 'slipper' me when I was small enough for him to be able to do that and I instantly remember how terrified and powerless I felt. It shocks me even more that it's still going on in 'modern' times.

I know how you feel, OP. My mum used to hit / smack / kick me. It was called a 'good hiding'. I've never forgiven her and never will. Keep her at arms length. Never laid a finger on mine but feel the urge at times when DS shouts he hates me, and I hate myself for it. I just have to leave the room for 5.

No not at all. I remember being smacked clearly but can't say it was traumatising long term though obviously no fun at the time.

@SquirryTheSquirrel

His sister told us proudly how her toddler had been playing up so she held her hands above her head and smacked her all over

That's awful. The poor child. That's the sort of thing that makes me want to give the parent a piece of my mind - my dad used to hold me upside down by my ankles to 'slipper' me when I was small enough for him to be able to do that and I instantly remember how terrified and powerless I felt. It shocks me even more that it's still going on in 'modern' times.

I'm not the kind of person who thinks all smacking is abusing but things like this are really hideous. The other thing I hate is children being restrained by adults. It's really distressing, as a child it's like being trapped under a Boulder, you're completely stuck.

A tap on the hand or a swat on the arm is one thing but yeah, things like this go way beyond. Just adults tormenting a kid

I wouldn’t say I was traumatised, but I do vividly remember the incidences when I was smacked and a couple of when my brother was smacked. I don’t have very clear memories of that many things at that age, so they were definitely formative events.

Not at all. We were only smacked if we were really naughty. And I have no doubt we deserved it.

I got smacked with a ruler twice in school in the 80s and remember how light a tap it was- unlike the discipline in our house, all meted out by my mum with a "sally rod" ... she would purposefully pick the whippiest one out of the hedge. I remember it would leave horrible welts up the legs and was also extremely painful on the hands. We got it a lot. In Ireland, people getting hit with the wooden spoon was a thing too, and I remember being jealous of friends who got hit with the wooden spoon, as I always thought it would be a breeze compared to the sally rod.