Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holidays are ending and I'm feeling like a failure.

83 replies

Kales29 · 02/09/2021 16:28

Hello all. Not really an aibu but posting here for traffic...

I have two kids. Nearly 11 and 6. My eldest has sen. They go back to school next week.

It's suddenly dawned on me how little we've achieved in the holidays whereas my newsfeed is full of people who have had numerous days out and holidays etc.

I've been at home with them whilst dh has worked long hours. I don't have much confidence taking them out on my own as mr son can be unpredictable.

We live in Cornwall, it's so busy so we've not done that much unless it's been first thing to avoid crowds or walks around our village! We've been to a small theme park right at the beginning.

Hasn't helped that I had minor surgery at the beginning of the holidays. I had to isolate prior to going in then recovery wasn't as swift as anticipated so we were stuck in.

We've been to the park a few times, walks, beach just one time (hoping for sunny September weekends when it's quieter), one theme park trip (local). Visited family a couple times, they never come here. Haven't managed to meet up with any friends but Dd has met with her friend just once in the holidays. That's about it. I did take the kids shopping with pocket money once or twice for a treat. We've also had a McDonald's treat a couple times. But they've been off for nearly 7 weeks and I feel like we've achieved nothing. We haven't been swimming or anything. No cinema trips! Just the same stuff we always do!

Other parents on my fb have been out every single day! I'm just exhausted to do that. DS doesn't sleep much as I sometimes haven't got the energy to get everyone ready.

Thankfully we do have a big garden and they've had their paddling pool out once or twice when the sun came out.

But there's been several days just stuck home doing absolutely nothing apart from play or watch tv.

Friends have been away for weekends.

I'm just feeling like such a failure that we haven't made many memories.

Does anyone else feel this way?!

I am worried that they will be discussing what they've done and we've done naff all. We haven't even manage to bake or do any crafts or anything!

Anyone else feeling like this?

Hoping for a sunny September and weekends that will be quieter than it has been!

OP posts:
Ticklemycarpets · 02/09/2021 16:47

Sounds like a lovely holiday to me. Some families like day trips, others don't - you do you.
I like pottering at home and the kids do too. Most of the summer we just do standard things like taking the dog for a walk, visiting family, seeing a few friends. I don't really enjoy 'days out'. I dislike being around lots of people who I don't know, crowds, queues - yuk.

Bagelsandbrie · 02/09/2021 16:47

Please don’t feel bad about this. I bet they feel they’ve had a nice summer. You’ve been unwell and still sound like you’ve tried to give them a nice time! There will be kids out there who would have loved to have done even one of those things. Your kids know you love them and you’ve tried to make them happy, that’s all that matters.

Halfofyou · 02/09/2021 16:47

I’m in a similar boat to you. My son is 16 and is non-verbal and autistic, my daughter is 13 (NT). DS is now taller and stronger than me so we don’t go out alone much, my daughter is obviously old enough to go out with friends etc alone now but for many years summer holidays have been as you describe. Try not to feel guilty about it, I’m sure you’re doing your best. I know where you’re coming from with the lack of sleep too. When mine were younger I used to have my parents or in-laws take my daughter out so that she at least had nice day trips etc. They also came along when it was both children for extra support as my son could be quite difficult. Do you have family who can help? Do you qualify for short breaks respite at all? We have previously had direct payments and I used this to pay someone from my sons school to take him out while I spent quality time with my daughter. Even with the above my daughter still didn’t have summer holidays anything like her friends but tbh I don’t think she really noticed. My son may not be like yours, he can be very difficult to handle, so my focus was always keeping him happy but mainly concentrating on giving my daughter lots of my time where possible, and trying to make sure she didn’t feel like she was missing out. But as I said don’t feel guilty about this summer, you can’t compare it to other peoples as you have completely different circumstances.

CornishTiger · 02/09/2021 16:50

Hey I have had the last few days as my poor children have done nothing this holiday.

Take yours to Rogue theatre. It’s reasonably priced and you will smile loads

CornishTiger · 02/09/2021 16:52

And it’s totally relaxed. We had an adult me behind us who had verbal outbursts. All was well.

Mrsjayy · 02/09/2021 16:55

I imagine Cornwall was rammed this Summer it's probably best you didn't venture out and about, you did what you could though and that really is the main thing it doesn't matter what everyone else had on their timeline . You didn't fall anybody.

DomPom47 · 02/09/2021 17:01

If your kids are happy and content I would not worry at all. Forget others and what they have done and just focus on your unit. If they are safe, loved and well and were fine with the summer they have had you should not worry and compare to others. Xx

Airyfairymarybeary · 02/09/2021 17:29

Are your kids happy though?
Delete social media- comparison is the thief of all joy!

Justmuddlingalong · 02/09/2021 17:33

I'm sure your kids have enjoyed their time away from school. Pottering is fine and I'd bet the busy, busy Facebook kids would have loved the chance to potter.

minipie · 02/09/2021 17:33

But you wouldn’t want children who expect to be taken places every day would you? I think you’re doing a great job if you can keep kids happy without having to lay on expensive entertainment.

stepupandbecounted · 02/09/2021 17:34

This is social media!

You have had a lovely chilled holiday with your dc, they don't need to be on the go all of the time, the point of all holidays is to relax and have fun, not to be run ragged. Children enjoy all of the things you describe. I am sure they have had a great time.

Mn753 · 02/09/2021 17:35

Also a lot of parents splash out to assuage the guilt of having to work in the hols

ittakes2 · 02/09/2021 17:38

Please don't worry we are like you and have not done much. Its been a weird year cut yourself some slack.

Gaaaahhhhhhhh · 02/09/2021 17:41

Sounds like a nice relaxing summer holiday!
Those of us brought up in the 70s were just turfed out of the door every morning in the hols then trailed home in time for dinner Grin- not a trip in sight.
Being bored is good for children.
Your children have had much needed down time. Lovely. Be kinder to yourself Flowers

PennyWus · 02/09/2021 17:42

Sounds lovely to me! Our kids are often over scheduled and just space to relax and decompress is often exactly what kids need. Don't feel guilty. Some of my happiest childhood memories are of playing in the garden with my brother for weeks on end.

HelplessProcrastinator · 02/09/2021 17:42

I feel guilty because I only had 2 weeks leave this summer. We did too much in that time because I try to cram in 6 weeks of holiday activity into 2 weeks and weekends. I’m knackered and so envious of people who get the whole holiday with their kids. My DD has ASD so we avoid crowds. We live in Devon and holidayed in Cornwall and avoided crowds by going to quieter areas or later in the day.

Were your kids happy? I’d yes you have nothing to feel guilty about. If they were a bit bored maybe think about some uncrowded places you could go or inviting friends over a little more often.

RandomDent · 02/09/2021 17:44

I always think this because I assume the holidays are loooong, why didn’t I do anything? But it is only really the equivalent of half a term. No time at all really. Don’t beat yourself up.

IrishMamaMia · 02/09/2021 17:45

We didn't do much in our long school holidays (Ireland) when I was growing up. I look back on the time at home with my mom fondly and I still love lazing around at home to this day.
I think some people are doing extra at the moment after such a long winter at home. Maybe you could arrange a nice day trip for the October holidays if you're feeling up to it?

Streamingbannersofdawn · 02/09/2021 17:47

Don't feel guilty. My two haven't done much either. I only feel guilty when friends on Facebook seem to be out #makingmemories all the time.

They've done an activity they each like and the rest of the time it's been walks, parks, being out in the garden. The normal things. They both have SN and get a bit overwhelmed with loads of activities. Honestly I don't think children need endless days out, activities and entertainment. Plus it can cost a fortune.

The last term was very busy and the last year tough all round. Just pottering is totally okay.

Marni83 · 02/09/2021 17:48

Ok I’m going to be flamed.

You should have definitely been out more

Ans by that I don’t mean spending money on big things

But children those ages should be outside and burning off energy at least once a day. And absolutely not many consecutive days just watching tv and computer.

Every day - fresh air and a walk. Picnics. Amazing stuff been going on at different park.

Marni83 · 02/09/2021 17:49

Perhaps next holiday do a bit of research before and have a vague plan.

Needn’t be hectic and full.

Maybe a couple of swims, some new parks, trip to theme park and their friends around

Streamingbannersofdawn · 02/09/2021 17:51

Oh and like others the best memories from my childhood are playing in the garden with my brother. Playing cricket (badly) with my family, reading for hours...making Jam tarts with my Mum.

SnuggleWuggle · 02/09/2021 17:53

@Marni83

Ok I’m going to be flamed.

You should have definitely been out more

Ans by that I don’t mean spending money on big things

But children those ages should be outside and burning off energy at least once a day. And absolutely not many consecutive days just watching tv and computer.

Every day - fresh air and a walk. Picnics. Amazing stuff been going on at different park.

You do realise that some parents work FT and can’t be out every day having idyllic picnics?
TravellingWanabee · 02/09/2021 17:53

Firstly, you may feel like your social medai is awash with people having amazing times, but on mine (aside from the serial "look at what weeeeeee've done!" people), most people have posted maybe one day trip or holiday. So if you have 20 or so people posting one thing, all of a sudden it feels like everyone is out doing things.

My DD is super sociable and wants to see people all the time. We've ended up doing a fair amount of that these last 2 weeks, and even she's said all she wants to do is be at home quietly without seeing anyone. It doesn't have to be something different every day. It's exhausting for them (and you!) and actually, like PP said, some of my best summer holiday memories are just hanging out at home making card castles or playing in the garden,.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Those who post constantly on social media about all the amazing things they do are just looking for validation from others to say what great parents they are, but they're no better than anyone else really.

FreezerBird · 02/09/2021 17:55

I have been feeling exactly the same this summer. It's the summer between gcses and college for my son and he's been off since May. He'll probably never get another opportunity for such a long break and I feel like we've frittered much of it away. We did a few bits before term ended (some of them quite big but that feels like long ago now!) but then in the summer holidays proper my daughter was also home of course. they have such different needs it's hard to do stuff with both of them. DS is 16 so has some level of independence but not as much as others of his age for various reasons. DD is 13 but has SEN and the gap between them is bigger then the years if that makes sense.

It's been hard, and I feel useless.

But they both claim to have enjoyed their summer!