Holidays are ending and I'm feeling like a failure.

[Kales29]

Hello all. Not really an aibu but posting here for traffic...

I have two kids. Nearly 11 and 6. My eldest has sen. They go back to school next week.

It's suddenly dawned on me how little we've achieved in the holidays whereas my newsfeed is full of people who have had numerous days out and holidays etc.

I've been at home with them whilst dh has worked long hours. I don't have much confidence taking them out on my own as mr son can be unpredictable.

We live in Cornwall, it's so busy so we've not done that much unless it's been first thing to avoid crowds or walks around our village! We've been to a small theme park right at the beginning.

Hasn't helped that I had minor surgery at the beginning of the holidays. I had to isolate prior to going in then recovery wasn't as swift as anticipated so we were stuck in.

We've been to the park a few times, walks, beach just one time (hoping for sunny September weekends when it's quieter), one theme park trip (local). Visited family a couple times, they never come here. Haven't managed to meet up with any friends but Dd has met with her friend just once in the holidays. That's about it. I did take the kids shopping with pocket money once or twice for a treat. We've also had a McDonald's treat a couple times. But they've been off for nearly 7 weeks and I feel like we've achieved nothing. We haven't been swimming or anything. No cinema trips! Just the same stuff we always do!

Other parents on my fb have been out every single day! I'm just exhausted to do that. DS doesn't sleep much as I sometimes haven't got the energy to get everyone ready.

Thankfully we do have a big garden and they've had their paddling pool out once or twice when the sun came out.

But there's been several days just stuck home doing absolutely nothing apart from play or watch tv.

Friends have been away for weekends.

I'm just feeling like such a failure that we haven't made many memories.

Does anyone else feel this way?!

I am worried that they will be discussing what they've done and we've done naff all. We haven't even manage to bake or do any crafts or anything!

Anyone else feeling like this?

Hoping for a sunny September and weekends that will be quieter than it has been!

Sounds like you've done plenty of nice things. But I do think letting your kids get bored sometimes is one of the best things you can do for them.
I have a friend who seems to have done days out most days and posted them on social media. We went to the zoo with them one day and she literally spent the whole day shouting at her son. Then insisted the day go on about an hour or so too long so everyone was tired and cranky and losing the will to live.
Keep it simple! And don't trust Facebook/Instagram stories they are bullshit

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Get yourself off FB for a bit and see how much you enjoy life without it. You are not a failure at being a parent by a long shot.

I feel like we've achieved nothing

You have - you've had a chance to relax a bit and have some downtime, and maybe that's what you all needed. Kids love the park and playing in the garden. That is making memories. Stop being so hard on yourself.

You could end with an outing like the cinema or whatever and then when they get asked they can talk about that. Anyway, with kids it's often stuff we don't think is a big thing that they'll talk about, such as the time you got McDonalds or whatever.

Social media is bullshit don't pay it attention it's not a competition.

My summer has been similar to yours and i feel the same. I normally do lots with my children and this summer we have barely done a thing. The first couple of weeks we had to isolate. Then I had other health issues, a child unwell. Lots of other difficult stuff going on and I feel I’ve done nothing but nag and tell them off.
One thing I keep telling myself is that we can do nice things at other times. So it doesn’t all have to be about what we did in August. Also I do think there will be other people like us who feel they haven’t done enough. But it’s ok! Better days coming.

Did the kids enjoy chilling out around the house? If so then I wouldn't feel too bad, sounds like you've had a lot in your plate this year with the operation.

Other parents on my fb have been out every single day! I'm just exhausted to do that.

I grew up in a constantly-doing-things family. I think you can definitely take it too far! I'm glad we did lots of cool things but it would have been lovely to have a bit more relaxed free time, without being constantly scheduled.

Maybe aim for a happy medium next holiday?

@MMMarmite

Did the kids enjoy chilling out around the house? If so then I wouldn't feel too bad, sounds like you've had a lot in your plate this year with the operation.

Other parents on my fb have been out every single day! I'm just exhausted to do that.

I grew up in a constantly-doing-things family. I think you can definitely take it too far! I'm glad we did lots of cool things but it would have been lovely to have a bit more relaxed free time, without being constantly scheduled.

Maybe aim for a happy medium next holiday?

Yes I can identify. I normally do too much I think and sometimes the children just want to relax. It’s a novelty. It’s just that I’ve taken it too far and they have relaxed at home for over a year now!

We haven’t done much this summer- few play dates, couple of swims, a sleepover. I feel similarly deflated and like a major underachiever. Normally we would go away on a villa holiday and throw in an additional city break in Europe but we bottled it due to the threat of quarantine. The kids seem very happy though- they normally complain when we go away about how stressful and environmentally unfriendly all the travel is. Would of helped if we had had a bit of sun at home though, wouldn’t it?

We spent a lot of the holidays at home too. We had a week away (self catered uk) which was lovely, but the other few weeks were mainly at home. Went on a few walks to local duck pond, lots of playing in the garden. I think its good for kids to enjoy playing at home, life isnt one long round of day trips to theme parks and fun pools.

Sounds like your kids had lots of time with you around, they are lucky to have that.

What I used to do it talk to the kids just before going back about x y and a over the holidays as they have very short memories for these things anyway!

At least they’ll have something to write about when they get into school

School holidays don't need to be about achievement.
I think our culture is too much achievement focused and it's good to step away from this sometimes.

We were not out every single day of holidays when my DD were kids we couldn't afford it and honestly who has the bloody energy !

That sounds perfect to me. I have one SEN child and one NT I am myself Neuro divergent and to be honest doing stuff every day makes all of us grumpy, even the nt child who has a greater capacity to do stuff. I think what you described is perfect, and you did have some challenges but did your best. I'm sure you're children are fine.

It's just another example of the competitive posting on Facebook. Up there with restaurant visits, Christmas present piles, over the top birthday parties and designer shopping trips. Exciting for the poster, but mostly just a glance and scroll on by for everybody else.

This summer we’ve had the kids in summer camps as we’ve been working. As a family we have only been swimming (twice), had one day out and had a weekend visit with granny.

The kids have self occupied the rest of the time. They seem to have enjoyed it so I take it as a win!

Ignore social media. It’s poison.

My main memories from the holidays growing up were of playing at home. I’m sure there was plenty of boredom but also lots of opportunity for my siblings and me to invent our own games. You do not want children who need constant entertainment. I think I slightly over scheduled my bigger child with holiday camps etc this year and plan to scale back next year for more time just pottering about at home and at the park

Thanks all. Hasn't helped the first couple were isolation before op and recovery! The worst thing was that the op was only scheduled a week before it was due (cancellation) so didn't have anytime to prepare.

My son is autistic. I found when he was younger he needed constant stimulation. Now he's a little older he has begun to appreciate and accept staying at home more (since covid mainly). He sometimes climbs the walls though! Thankfully we have a generous sized garden too with a trampoline, swing and we get the paddling pool out when it's hot too.

It's the financial aspect too. We only have one wage coming in at the minute. We couldn't afford to pay to do something every day...

I can't remember doing much as a kid in the holidays but I have fond memories of the holidays. Mainly because I lived somewhere with lots of families and kids and played out for hours on end! Unfortunately neither of my two can play out alone.

@CornishTiger

Hey I have had the last few days as my poor children have done nothing this holiday.

Take yours to Rogue theatre. It’s reasonably priced and you will smile loads

Thank you. I will look into it! I've heard of it but we are quite a bit further up the county! 💕

I know how you feel ,i get this guilt most summer holidays, we have been on holiday and had lots of time on the beach which my daughter loves, but i have had to work half of the holidays.
She spends time with my sister and niece , sees friends and enjoys doing her own thing.
You are not a failure ,menial tasks , life admin ,chores etc go on despite school hols and do you really believe the instagram worthy images are how families truly live ?
What you do /dont do is nobody else's business.
If it makes you feel better plan some things for october hols , won't be long !
We are going to pick a pumpkin from a farm ,never done this before usually lidl ! , daughter very pleased ,will take some food and have a car picnic.
Autumn walk ,will take some hot chocolate, i aim for simple things cheap or free made a bit more by adding picnic ,snack etc -seems like a bigger day .

It sounds like you all spent time together and sometimes it is just nice to relax and be out of the pressured school routine. You all had to accommodate the surgery and its natural that you feel tired after that. The weather in the last couple of weeks (here anyway) has been really really grey and sometimes dark.
Are they complaining? It sounds like you did nice things and then pottered at home in a big garden. That actually sounds really nice.

@tsmainsqueeze

I know how you feel ,i get this guilt most summer holidays, we have been on holiday and had lots of time on the beach which my daughter loves, but i have had to work half of the holidays. She spends time with my sister and niece , sees friends and enjoys doing her own thing. You are not a failure ,menial tasks , life admin ,chores etc go on despite school hols and do you really believe the instagram worthy images are how families truly live ? What you do /dont do is nobody else's business. If it makes you feel better plan some things for october hols , won't be long ! We are going to pick a pumpkin from a farm ,never done this before usually lidl ! , daughter very pleased ,will take some food and have a car picnic. Autumn walk ,will take some hot chocolate, i aim for simple things cheap or free made a bit more by adding picnic ,snack etc -seems like a bigger day .

Thank you!

And totally. Can't wait until October half term. It's generally my favourite school holiday. As it's so much quieter and I love the crisp autumn and Halloween. Even if it's just saying home watching Hocus Pocus and carving pumpkins!

Don't worry what they will write about in school. My DS did LOADS this summer, but today all he wrote about was that he bought Fire Peashooter on Plants vs Zombies 2.

But if you want to do a bit more, I find booking it in advance helps. Maybe book a Halloween activity for half term, and arrange a playdate closer to the date.

I completely have the guilt. We've had way too much time at home and I feel awful. But my mobility is awful right now and untill I get a diagnosis and some help I just can't keep up with the toddler and the older two. My eldest gets overwhelmed so taking it slow was great for her, but the younger two needed more outside time.

We ended up with a couple weeks of doing everything, then I wrecked myself and had such a bad flare up I was stuck home for a few weeks. Only now am I getting mobile enough to take them out alone again. Of course they're back next week so it's no good. We live near so many great parks and I just couldn't do it. I hate that I'm not capable of giving them what they deserve.

Don't do this to yourself. You have no reason to feel guilty. Looking back at my childhood I don't remember all the days out my mum organised for us, but I do remember that long lazy days playing in the garden, or with the kids on our street, or with my sisters. Days out are fun but so is the novelty of being at home a lot and the kids getting to decide how they spend their time.

Also, I actually did take my dc out a lot this summer to make up for the crappy one we had last year. We've been to the zoo, the lavender fields, on holiday for a week, had friends over, had a paddling pool party, been for picnics in the woods, had dance lessons plus more. Yesterday someone asked my 8 year old dd what she had done all summer holidays and her response was "oh no much. I played with my cousins...mummy doesn't take us out much". So all that money on days out and all she remembers is playing with her cousins

Don't read about what other people do, If you have been happy just doing simple things with your children, that's all that matters.