Holidays are ending and I'm feeling like a failure.

[Kales29]

Hello all. Not really an aibu but posting here for traffic...

I have two kids. Nearly 11 and 6. My eldest has sen. They go back to school next week.

It's suddenly dawned on me how little we've achieved in the holidays whereas my newsfeed is full of people who have had numerous days out and holidays etc.

I've been at home with them whilst dh has worked long hours. I don't have much confidence taking them out on my own as mr son can be unpredictable.

We live in Cornwall, it's so busy so we've not done that much unless it's been first thing to avoid crowds or walks around our village! We've been to a small theme park right at the beginning.

Hasn't helped that I had minor surgery at the beginning of the holidays. I had to isolate prior to going in then recovery wasn't as swift as anticipated so we were stuck in.

We've been to the park a few times, walks, beach just one time (hoping for sunny September weekends when it's quieter), one theme park trip (local). Visited family a couple times, they never come here. Haven't managed to meet up with any friends but Dd has met with her friend just once in the holidays. That's about it. I did take the kids shopping with pocket money once or twice for a treat. We've also had a McDonald's treat a couple times. But they've been off for nearly 7 weeks and I feel like we've achieved nothing. We haven't been swimming or anything. No cinema trips! Just the same stuff we always do!

Other parents on my fb have been out every single day! I'm just exhausted to do that. DS doesn't sleep much as I sometimes haven't got the energy to get everyone ready.

Thankfully we do have a big garden and they've had their paddling pool out once or twice when the sun came out.

But there's been several days just stuck home doing absolutely nothing apart from play or watch tv.

Friends have been away for weekends.

I'm just feeling like such a failure that we haven't made many memories.

Does anyone else feel this way?!

I am worried that they will be discussing what they've done and we've done naff all. We haven't even manage to bake or do any crafts or anything!

Anyone else feeling like this?

Hoping for a sunny September and weekends that will be quieter than it has been!

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself.
It sounds like you've done plenty.

I don’t think having days out is exactly an achievement. Keeping everyone happy without spending a fortune sounds more like one!

This week we’re with my parents and the kids aren’t doing anything but walks and pottering.

I've been feeling like this too. Pregnant and feeling sick with it, I do get dd6 out doing something each morning but the afternoons have involved far too much tv and I've no energy to play, feeling guilty as she's an only. She is looking forward to going back to school 🙈

You can take a kid to Machu Picchu, the Great Pyramid of Giza and up the Amazon. On the way home you stop at McDonalds. When the teacher asks the kid what they did in the holidays , they say ‘I had a happy meal!!’

It sounds like your DC have had a nice relaxing break, while you've also had to fit in surgery and recuperating.
We have been like your Facebook friends dashing here there and everywhere this summer (though not posting on social media about it!). I tired to squeeze in lots of trips we missed due to covid and then we had lots of extra family commitments/meet-ups which cropped up which we couldn't say no to due not seeing people much with covid.
In hindsight it was a big mistake - the DC just wanted to relax and chill out a lot more particularly after a difficult year at school. One DC actually cried about doing too much but I couldn't cancel as it was a 70th birthday celebration party trip for her grandma. I'll never arrange to have such a busy summer holidays again. Yours sounds much more peaceful and relaxing.

Go easy on yourself you've done the best you could in the circumstances and if you have a child with SEN it changes the dynamic on what is reasonably going to end up being an enjoyable experience. You can only do what you can do and exhausting yourself by making comparisons on social media is bound to make you feel worse. Sometimes we're not as productive as we'd like to be but as long as your kids are reasonably happy they won't be judging you for it. Days out are expensive. Even going for a picnic could end up costing more than you counted for because you have to buy picnic friendly things. Besides you might not even like picnics! It doesn't matter. There are weekends and another half term coming up if you want to plan something then too.

I did my first class with some students today and you'd be surprised at how many positives they were able to find from their summer holidays even when they initially said there weren't many.
From what you've mentioned I think if you asked your children to list some fun things they enjoyed in the last 6 weeks they will be the same. One of my students first said she'd not done anything off her list but by the end of the lesson her list of things she wanted to do in the holidays was pretty much all ticked off.
Young children are happy with the smallest if treats, please don't feel a failure or like you didn't do enough.

When I was growing up we never did many day trips or had a holiday in the summer. My parents couldn’t afford it. Just being off school and have time to play and read was fine.

As for my own - I’ve felt guilty this summer as I’ve moved to an all year from a term time contract so they’ve been left home a lot and we haven’t done much when compared to others I know. However it’s helping our household finances which will benefit them in other ways. My youngest is Y8 so they aren’t really little now.

Holidays are all about recharging your batteries and it sounds like you've all done that. Don't beat yourself up, there will be plenty of time for fun excursions when we're not in the middle of a pandemic and you're in better health.

If you feel guilty because of pics on social media, then forget it.
If you feel guilty because your kids were unhappy and you didn’t do anything about it, then it might be worth thinking how to do more next holiday.
If your dc were happy then there’s nothing to worry about.

Sounds like a great summer holiday to me. Children don’t have to be constantly entertained and taken places. Being at home doing day to day things and relaxing is fine too. Constantly posting on social media is fine for those who want to do it, but don’t use it as a benchmark for your own family. It’s simply a snapshot in time, not a true representation of their entire summer.

But other people's fun isn't your idea of fun.
Hold onto that!

Have only read your posts OP so may be repeating what others have said, but there is a reason that the saying "comparison is the thief of joy" is so popular.

If your kids are content, who cares if you've spent loads of money or they've done loads of organised trios/activities?

My Mum always tells the story of when we were younger my brother telling a pal about Disney World and what a fun time we had, his pal hadn't been to Disney world but excitedly said to my brother it sounded just like Butlins, "have you ever been to Butlins"?!

His pal had the best holiday at tge local Butlins, to him it sounded just the same as Disney World, because kids just enjoy fun, whether that's the paddling pool or a water park :)

Don't worry OP..... Everyone is still alive which is the most important thing!!

Don't stress about stuff like this. Your kids were fed, loved and safe all summer. Life doesn't need to be an unbroken chain of exciting days out and expensive holidays in order for your children to be happy.

Social media is a fucker for this. All you're seeing is a carefully curated image that someone has chosen to portray to the world. Don't compare yourself to anything or anyone that you see on there.

My kids are quite regularly are left to fend for themselves in the back garden whilst I get on with something else inside. It's not healthy for them to be constantly entertained and catered to. Sometimes if I'm really tired/hungover/broke/ill we'll sit on the sofa watching films all day. And I mean literally ALL DAY. It's fine.

Could have written this post myself (in fact I did a few weeks ago but didn't get much response!) I feel the same, my dd9 has sen and I don't feel we have done much at all apart from a few days out and pier 2p machines. She struggles with friendships and hasn't been invited to any play dates. I've had to work and have only managed 2 days a week with her, the rest of the time she has been at home with her dad and cat! Like you my Facebook/Instagram is full of other peoples holidays and exciting days out. Previous summer holidays seem to have been full of things to do but not this year, the weather hasn't helped. My dd seems happy enough but I feel like I've failed her.

Was your DH not able to take any time off at all? I don’t think you need to spend lots of money or post on social media but I think it’s a shame you didn’t all hang out together. We were in holiday but we didn’t do much “ paid for” activities - went to the beach and looked for fossils, hiked etc. Ate an ice cream etc.

"We live in Cornwall, it's so busy so we've not done that much unless it's been first thing to avoid crowds or walks around our village! We've been to a small theme park right at the beginning. " plus trips to the park, a day at the beach, pocket money spending trips...

For many folks this IS the fantastic summer holiday they have been displaying on Facebook.
You are lucky to live in a beautiful area which is a destination for most.
You have had a lovely time together and you have managed alone while DH works and you recover from surgery.

Please chalk this up as a success.

I did rtft but couldn't see what your surgery was. Do you think you might be getting a bit depressed? Some CBT if you can access it via your GP can help to control the negative thought patterns that are dragging you down.

And get off Facebook- it's making you feel like shit!

They’ll have had a lovely time!
My girls love just hanging out playing! Like others, my fave memories were
playing 3 day long games with my sisters in the garden or our rooms.
We’ve done bits and bobs, some outings/dog walks/friends etc, but my dds favourite day apparently was..yesterday. Last day before back at school and she did nothing other than go to WHSmiths and buy a pencil sharpener and then made herself a hot chocolate.

I missed the "pocket money spending trips" part.

My DC would love this, when we go to the coast on holiday their favourite part is spending money on bits and pieces in the tourist or pocket money shops...I think that would be their Summer holiday heaven.

I could post some fantastic pictures of us on days out at the beach, the zoo, swimming, the cinema, trampoline parks and our city break.
What you won't see is the arguing, the tantrums, the whining and the declarations that dc are bored now or "didn't want to come here at all and want to go home!".

Don’t worry. Children do need a rest. If you have a garden they probably got enough exercise.

Next summer you can ask what they would like to do and then plan the holidays that way.

Don’t feel bad. Going out is sometimes more for the parents. I find it hard to stay in all week. But we live in a flat!

We have a lot of trips out (by which I mean National Trust, swimming etc, not Alton Towers etc!) but that is because my kids are not really potter at home kids. I would love it if we could spend the whole day at home and have pj and movie days etc but my kids just aren’t like that. We tend to go to the park most days but it’s only a 5 minute walk so its not an outing as such, it’s just down the road. So I think a lot of it depends on your kids and their ages. Its interesting what people say about what kids think of holidays. We once stayed in an incredible villa with pool, hot tub, very expensive as for our 10th anniversary treat. But our kids always prefer our camping holidays as they can run around, meet other kids and its more fun for them. More expensive definitely doesn’t mean better for kids!

If you and the kids were all happy enough together for several weeks, despite the challenges of a lower income than usual, other parent working long hours and SN, where is the failure?

It sounds to me that the first thing you need to do is to delete all these silly apps of your devices. Facebook Twitter Instagram and whatever: all bullshit peddled by Bullshitters. Remove it from your life and you will notice that much of the guilt, bad feelings and envy are removed with it.

Doesn't help when people post on Facebook and Instagram about ' a wonderful summer of making memories' .