Has anyone’s mum ever actually stolen their baby?

[Cabbagewhites]

Seen a few threads recently (and lots over the years!) where women fear their mums / MIL want to take over the parenting of their child.
On a thread recently a PP described the overbearing MIL as ‘sinister’.

Just got me wondering, how much of a genuine threat is this? Worst case scenario- how far does it ever actually go?

Has anyone ever been in or heard of a family where grandma did in fact actually succeed in taking over the role of mother, becoming primary care giver in child’s eyes?

(I mean in situations where parents are actively parenting and haven’t actually asked or encouraged GP to step in, and there’s no kinship fostering or anything like that.)

I don’t have children, I’m just curious!

My best friend lived with her grandmother all her life. Her parents and older sister lived in the next street. She has no idea why. She did inherit the house though, so maybe that's what her parents were hoping.

Me. My mum even managed to hold my fb before I did. Eventually we had to go NC for a few years. We moved from ‘down the road’ to 90 minutes away and she had solicitors/lawyers chasing us. We now have a good relationship but it was touch and go for a long time. She threatened to call social services the first time I had my first born’s hair cut and accused me of making her (my daughter) a latch key kid when I enrolled her into nursery at 3.5

My mother used to undermine me and make plans with my children that went against what I had said. We have no contact now as she was so toxic.
My MIL was not like that, apart from forcing biscuits and sweets down DD she was fine. My SIL and my BIL's wife however feel they can say/do what they like with my SD, thankfully she is not mine so I just ignore it but my DH gets angry. They are so bad they specialise with my DH's ex girlfriend and mother of his daughter despite us having been married for 11 years. They have never liked me but apparently don't like her either and just want to pee me off.

@Mollymoostoo

My mother used to undermine me and make plans with my children that went against what I had said. We have no contact now as she was so toxic. My MIL was not like that, apart from forcing biscuits and sweets down DD she was fine. My SIL and my BIL's wife however feel they can say/do what they like with my SD, thankfully she is not mine so I just ignore it but my DH gets angry. They are so bad they specialise with my DH's ex girlfriend and mother of his daughter despite us having been married for 11 years. They have never liked me but apparently don't like her either and just want to pee me off.

Socialise...not specialise

Yes it has happened to me. My mother has always wanted my eldest DD to go and live with her. When my DD was a teenager we had a normal falling out and my mother invited my DD to her home and wouldn’t let her leave. She changed my DDs bank account, phone number and last name. All the while telling me my DD didn't want to speak to me. DD was terrified of her. In the end the police removed my DD and brought her home. We now obviously have no contact with my mother and she is not legally allowed to contact us

I was brought up by Nan and she was the most amazing person. She welcomed me when I ran away from home having been abused by my step dad and my mum allowing it to happen. There is always another side to a story and my mum would act the aggrieved party but if she has been a proper parent I would not have runaway

I don't know if she stole her, but my mum was raised by her Nana, not by her mum.
Her mum (my gran was only 19, but this was in 1951,) not sure why this happened. My mum didn't know either, she was 8 when she went back to live with her mum, who by then had 2 other kids, a girl of 4 and a baby girl. My mum didn't get on with her middle sister (the 4 year old) she didn't get on with her mum either.
Realtionship didn't get better, when my mums Nana, who raised her died, my mum got told she shouldn't be so upset, but to her Nana was her mum, not her real mum. Complicated family dimensions. My mum still doesn't get on that well with her mum.

I'm fairly sure my MIL would try to steal my partner back #apronstrings

I’m on a ‘adult children of narcissistic parents and in-laws’ Facebook group and there are many posts from mothers who have had to take out retraining orders against grandparents. It usually starts with lots of toxic behaviour from a grandparent leading to the parents going low or no contact and limiting the the grandparents access to the GC. Then in retaliation the GC file bogus child protect allegations against the parents and fight for custody (this group has a lot of US members so don’t know if the laws there maybe this more feasible). Or they side with the spouse-in-law when a marriage ends and cut their son or daughter out of the loop so they can spend time with the GC on the ex’s time. Or they abuse the contact they do have; bring kids home much later than planned, take them out for the day much further from home and need to stay over at a hotel etc. Red flag behaviour that they won’t accept not seeing their GC on their terms. Obviously, I’m only seeing one side of the story in these cases but some of it is truly horrific.

I think my MIL was aiming to take my son under her control. She used to have him on a Saturday whilst I did my shopping until I caught her giving him a bath because he was ‘dirty’ and then told was an unfit mother who didn’t know what she was doing. Luckily my Hubbie took my son off her, we dressed him put him in his pram and he told her that until she apologised she wouldn’t see him again. His Sister who was helping her told me afterwards that she was told I had agreed to it. She was a very religious woman who caused me a lot of upset and used to call me out when hubbie wasn’t there. I stayed away as much as I could.

Not to the extend you mentioned but my mum is definitely trying to push her way in as a third parent. Messages daily to ask to take DD out and visit friends, calls her 'my Girl' when introducing her to people etc. Frequently brings her back later than agreed and doesn't see that our boundaries as parents need to be respected.

Yes, I know a young mother who had a bit of post natal depression, she was talked in to moving in with her lovely but weak father and his new and overbearing wife. They’d only been married for 8 months, kids all grown and here was a baby in the house. The stepmom was so overpowering and critical that the pnd got worse, she called on social services, got guardianship of baby and kicked young mum out, no drink, drug issues, just depressed and in need of help and support. They convinced her that she was worthless.
The child is now 6 living with grandpa and step grandma - calls them mama and papa, she doesn’t see her mum who is bitter and angry and disappointed in her dad, with whom she used to be close. She was a single mom, her own mother had passed so she was alone and she was played by ‘wicked stepmom’ who took her child to complete her new family. Shocking. True story.

An old school friend of mine had a very abusive mother. It was actually really distressing if I was ever round at her house how her mother treated her and spoke to her, if I had been older and more mature I probably would have reported it but in all honesty her mother was terrifying! She ended up falling pregnant at 15 and a couple of years later her mother tried to tell everyone she was an unfit mother and actually tried snatching the pram from her in the middle of the street a number of times.

20 years later she has been NC for a long time and has a police protection order against the mum due to the severity of the abuse she received.

She is a loving and happy mum now and I couldn't be prouder of her for coming through all that crap!

Yes, this happened in my family.

I was talking to MIL about this thread last night and it turned out her and her sister spent three days in a children’s home when her younger brother was born because her Mum felt that was a safer option than her Granny or (in particular) one of her Aunts. Her mum felt sure she wouldn’t get them back if they took them!

A friend was manipulated by her MIL in a very cruel and calculated way. It resulted in her small DC becoming terrified of her because he had been told awful things. She fought so hard but ultimately she wasn’t in his life in any meaningful way. She went on to have 2 more DCs in a much healthier relationship but sadly died when they were 10 and 13. Her first DS is a very troubled young man and I feel so terribly sad for him.

My grandad's second wife was married to a really strange man in her late teens. He became abusive. In order to get away from him and divorce, she was physically threatened by him and had to leave her firstborn daughter with her MiL (this was the 1950s).

We only found out her daughter existed when we were round having a cuppa and one of her sons knocked to say she'd died of an aneurysm in her 50s.

Strange question

Why d you ask? Writing a book?

Yes a friends mother had her first born taken off her and raised as her sister because she was unmarried.
A relative looks after her grandchildren because her daughter takes drugs. The grandchildren are better off with grandma in my opinion.

@spittycup

I posted on another thread about this, and started my own in 2017 under a different username

My mum always threatened to take my baby when I was a teen. The basis of it being shame and religion amongst other things. I was told if I left home, SS would be called and had this hanging over me everyday

One day I actually packed up my stuff and took baby when she was gone. When she saw the ransacked room she called SS and the police

She had zero leg to stand on thankfully. She, herself was an abusive person and I made sure to back myself before I left with evidence to show SS in case things came to that

SS had no concerns with me at all. It was clearly malicious given she never bothered calling SS the entire time I lived at home (if I was such an awful mother and she was ever so concerned).

It's unfortunate but also comforting to know I'm not the only person who's had a controlling/unhinged family member do this

Well done for recognising it was abusive and having the courage to break free. That shows what a strong and great mum you are.

OP explained why in her first post @bobbeebob

@Bagamoyo1

Vulnerable teen mums aside, I don’t understand how anyone can just have their baby stolen. If my Mum had taken one of mine when they were babies, I would simply have picked them up and walked out.

I'm assuming the dynamics of the relationship have always been controlling and these children aren't use to standing up to their parents? Or use to being made to feel inferior?

It does seem odd to me too that someone ends up in a situation where a GP refuses to give the child back.

I'm sure I'm not imagining it but I vaguely remember a thread on here to do with a baby, young parents and a caravan in the garden? I'm sure the fathers family were trying to get them and baby away from the caravan and mother's family?

My ‘mother’ tried to. She used my PND against me. My Dd was the only thing keeping me alive.

@Frankie20018 - how awful for you both! Glad you managed to rescue your DD eventually. How did she manage to change your DD's name?