Has anyone’s mum ever actually stolen their baby?

[Cabbagewhites]

Seen a few threads recently (and lots over the years!) where women fear their mums / MIL want to take over the parenting of their child.
On a thread recently a PP described the overbearing MIL as ‘sinister’.

Just got me wondering, how much of a genuine threat is this? Worst case scenario- how far does it ever actually go?

Has anyone ever been in or heard of a family where grandma did in fact actually succeed in taking over the role of mother, becoming primary care giver in child’s eyes?

(I mean in situations where parents are actively parenting and haven’t actually asked or encouraged GP to step in, and there’s no kinship fostering or anything like that.)

I don’t have children, I’m just curious!

Yep, changed some details in case, but early 70s, young woman got pregnant,small insular country town. Her mother and domineering gm gave her the ultimatum she would be kicked out without a bean and baby would go for adoption or mother became baby’s official guardian and baby’s mum would be sent to go to 6th form in the nearest city. All the child support from baby’s mum’s father would go to gm for the baby. (Gf wasn’t told about baby until she was grown up)She was 16 so she felt she had no choice. Gm really fucked up that baby girl’s life.

There are paternal grandmothers who become kinship carers.

I sadly know of this happening, not a mother/mil but another close relative. The dcs mother was young and it was claimed she was unfit, (not the case but a personal agenda of the relative). Unfortunately she hasn't the resources to keep fighting despite going to court 3 times, it's heartbreaking for the rest of us.

@13579db

In the PRAM not the prism 😬

I read your post 3 times trying to work out what the prism is 🤣🤣

That's really awful for you. Why someone thinks they have a right over someone's child is scary.

@GeorgiaGirl52 that's not stealing that's stepping in and doing right by DGC.

It's so lovely to reads that your DD is now clean and you can have a relationship again.

I watched a documentary about reborn dolls a few years ago. They were looking at the stories of those who purchase reborn dolls
I found one very disturbing and it has stayed with me. Single mother with a baby got a life threatening condition, cancer I think, so her mum stepped in to care for the baby. Lots of treatment and hospital stays and she made a full recovery. Later fell in love and was moving to be with the guy. Her mother was devastated and, it appeared, would rather her daughter had died so she could have the baby. The mother was having a reborn made to replace the grandchild who was back with his mum

@GeorgiaGirl52 I think that's an entirely different scenario to just stealing a child.

But on that note I also know a woman who has 3 kids. Gave the two older ones to their dad and the youngest to her grandmother simply because she wanted to go out and party. I also know of drug addicts having their children in the care of grandparents.

I've heard of this, from a woman now 90+. She grew up knowing that she had an older "sister" 14 years older than her, who'd been "sent away" for something unspeakably shameful. It was only when she developed symptoms from a genetic disorder that she could not have developed if her parents were her parents that she realised. By then, tragically, the "sister" who was really her mother had already died, so they never met.

My mother in law openly admitted when she took my son to the park etc she pretended he was hers and told people he was. When he called her mum by mistake she never corrected him.
I have only just found out that she was giving him a huge amount of money every month. No wonder he had no interest in a p/t job when he was at college.

My close friends mum does this the whole time. They fall out with the mum, mum calls social claims all sorts of bullshit. Calls the benefits people and everything. its ridiculous. She manged to get her claws in the kids once and had them for 6 months before it got sorted. everytime friend goes back to her mum after they make up again... I don't know how she does it. I would no contact if it was me.

A friend of ds was raised by her grandmother and calls her mum. I would call the gm rather overbearing in fact three of her four children have nothing to do with her (including the actual mother of ds's friend) It seemed at the time that dgm was over helpful and ousted the daughter out of her child's life. Interestingly ds's friend then had twins whilst living with the dgm and suspect had the dgm been younger history may well have repeated itself.

I have a family member who looks after all four of her grandchildren, legally. But obviously that was done through the involvement of social services and court system.

The father has weekend overnight access but mother was not allowed to see them until recently, and she now has supervised contact. The grandparents will remain their legal guardians.

I think it can happen under extreme circumstances and in the child’s best interests.

Barbara Vine's 'A Dark-Adapted Eye' has a similar plot. It's excellent; well worth a read.

I worked with a woman who did it to her son and DIL while their other child was seriously ill. She started helping out. Then when the older child was terminal she started telling them that they couldn’t cope, but it was ok as she’d help. Bit by bit she moved her grandchild’s stuff into her house and then started expressing concerns to hospital staff and the nursery. She refused to hand the child back shortly after the elder child died. It was horrific. It took years of court battles for the parent to get their child back because she basically accused them of causing her elder child’s illness and harming the younger one.
She’s now a very lonely lady as when her grandchild turned 14 he got a hold of some of the paperwork and read it. He’s refused to speak to her since.

My grandparents effectively snatched me and my siblings then dared ny parents to go to court to get us back. They did it with the help of my head teacher, who basically risked her career. That was a rescue mission though so very different.

My aunt's mum did this to her, as she was very strict Catholic and unhappy when my aunt and uncle had their first because they weren't married yet. She was very controlling and manipulative. My cousin went for a sleepover when she was 6months old and was then 'adopted' and brought up by GM and GM's sister who never married. My cousin thought her mum was an older sister.

My aunt and uncle then went on to marry anyway, miscarry twice, then have two DC, but one of which died in a car accident as a toddler.

My aunt and uncle are still married and thankfully my cousin does now know who her real mum is and they have a great relationship. It was only when the GM passed away that my cousin found out,who was in her teens then. So much sadness and heartache caused! This was late 80s/early 90s so not that long ago!

I knew of a case where the father committed suicide and the mother moved with her kids back to their hometown. The father's parents blamed the mother for the father's suicide and went to court for visitation rights. The judge was very sympathetic to the grandparents (the parents were very big deals in the hometown) and gave them very favorable visitation rights, insisting that the mother drive the children both ways, making her responsible for being available to take the children to their grandparents at times convenient for them and inconvenient to her. The grandparents used this court order to make life hellish for the mother, deliberately making last minute, inconvenient plans that she had to adhere to. They would tell the kids that their mother was a whore and caused their dad's suicide etc. Of course, the children grew to hate the grandparents. Since it is a small town, what began to happen was that the mother would follow the court orders and drop the children off at the grandparents' house, then the kids would get out of the car in their driveway and walk home. They just refused to see their grandparents and said they were monsters. Over time, the court order was revoked.

I know a family where this has sort of happened, in that the children are with their mother, but paternal grandma has all of the dads contact, has told him she won't let go, they are hers not his and after years of being abused by his controlling narc of a mother he has no more fight in him. She and the children's DM arrange all contact between them, and dad has been told to butt out. Lucky to get an hour a month.

My stepnan tried to take over with me. Reported my mom to social services saying she wasn’t taking care of me properly (all because she would visit my actual nan) mom complied with all that ss suggested and proved her wrong. Ss even helped my mom move out of the family home to get away from the cow.
Worst thing is, she “helped my aunt” out by taking care of my cousin after having 3 in 2 years. Those few weeks turned into 30 years. She poisoned my cousin against my aunt- she tried to get her back but constantly refused. Told my cousin that my aunt abandoned her because she didn’t love her.

I know of some great aunt/uncle who have now adopted their great nephews. Mum and Dad both in prison for drug offences.

My parents tried to manipulate eldest, ridiculing me in front of them, making the rules, undermining me (I suffered with childhood trauma unresolved at the time) in front of children. We are now NC.

I can’t believe some of the things I’m reading on here 😳😬
I swear my MIL would jump at the opportunity to get rid of me and raise my DS as her own but I’d like to think she wouldn’t go to these extremes 😳 she does tell my DS “no” when she’s at ours and he asks for “mama” though 🙄 encourages him to ask for “dada” instead 🙄

My mother made attempts to hoof me out of the picture when my dc were young, which were strongly resisted by DH and I.

She later tried to take us to family court after we went no contact with her over serious safeguarding concerns relating to a sex offender in the family whose side she took over mine.

Yes, some mothers are that crackers.

My dm's dsis offered me cash in return for her raising my dd when I had her very young..
Apparently she didn't want to take time out from her job to have her own... Irl she had separate rooms to her dp their entire relationship and I am quite certain they never slept together!

Sadly yes, I know a family where it happened.
A teen got pregnant, the mother said the girl was too young, and pressured/forced her to hand over the baby to raise as hers (the grandmother's).
Their whole family went along with the charade, and there has been nothing but pain and misery for sixty years for the lot of them.

Yes I have a family member whose child was stolen by her own mother. The mum was in her early 20s, married, with an admin job in the NHS. She had a minor physical disability but no learning difficulties, addictions or mental health problems.

Her husband also held down a job , although he was a big dim TBH . Her her parents hated him because he was from a lower social class and they didn’t think he was good enough for their DD.

The mum had some health issues during the pregnancy and her mother suggested she stay with her parents so they could “look after her “. They then started to alienate the mum from her husband.

She had a difficult birth so continued to stay with them to recover. The GM chose the name for the baby and did everything for him.

The young mum was lazy and a bit spoilt so was happy to let her mum do everything. The GM made it hard for the dad to visit, said baby was sleeping , undermined him at every turn. Every time the dad held/ changed / played with the baby, they criticised him and of course he lost confidence .

The dad wasn’t the brightest and couldn’t really see what was happening. Every time he made the slightest complaint, his in-laws bought him off with some renovation to the house, a new car , promise of a fancy holiday next year etc.

He was a bit gullible and greedy but not a bad person - also he though he was doing the best for his son ( getting their house done up etc ). Like a lot of men he was happy to come in from work, eat a carry out and sit gaming for a few hours before popping down to see his wife and child. It was an easy life for him.

Eventually the couple split up , there was a long hostile battle over the FMH and custody of the child. The GP funded the mother through the courts but the father couldn’t afford to keep battling. He lost all contact with the child.

Then the GP started to alienate the son from the mother. Mother eventually moved back into FMH and child ( by then about 4-5 year old IIRC ) stayed with GP.

They sent the GS to a private school , went on expensive holidays, all the things that his mother ( single mum in admin type job ) couldn’t afford. She continued to see the child but he lived with the GP.

The GS reconciled with his mother in his late teens / early 20s but only moved back in with her when the GP died and left him all their money ( about £300k).

The young man is a very screwed up person now. He and his mother live on different continents. Her has never held down a steady job or had a stable relationship with a partner. He is very very obese and has a lot of physical health problems now he’s in his 30s.

I have, a relative who pushed out her DIL, the DIL divorced and left her child behind. He now lives with his grandparents, and his father who is an alcoholic lives separately with his new wife.

She was/is very overbearing and wouldn’t let her DIL make everyday decisions about her child. Collateral damage is the kid as he is being raised by poorly older people who are past the point of proper child rearing, can’t do things like play dates so he doesn’t really have friends, and are not able to give him the attention he needs as a young child. Very sad all round.