If you wanted 3 but stuck with 2 did you make peace with it?

[gruffaloo]

Not really sure where to post this but decided to do it here for traffic.

We're deliberating the prospect of a third. I've gone back and read as many of the "should we have a third?" threads.

What I'd love to know is if you were keen on a third child but for whatever reason didn't go ahead with it, did you make peace with that decision?

I'd like a third but it's not an easy child to justify. There are lots of rational reasons for two but I feel I may regret not having three? But perhaps this is something I can over come? Something that is just short-lived?

I have a 3 year old, and a 1 year old.

I would have loved a 3rd but my DC is such incredibly hard work my DC1 misses out on a lot of my time and attention. Another one like DC2 would entirely finish everyone off.

Yes I did. And I was the right decision (to stick at 2). Took a good few years though. 40-45 was tough.

I'm at this stage now. DH doesn't really want another but he would if I absolutely couldn't bear the idea of only having 2. I don't think we will, though.

It would be lovely, except for the lack of sleep... and then I have to consider my DC, who are 3 and 7. DD doesn't get enough attention as it is because her brother is a handful, and I do find it hard splitting myself in two. Then again, DD is getting more independent and even DS is as well. I'm a SAHM and they're both at school/preschool in term time, and I do relish the time to myself.

Part of it for me is that when DD started school I had a lovely baby at home. DS starts next Sept and I won't have that this time! Maybe not a bad thing, overall.

I got a dog. Not the same. But some consolation and I love him to pieces. First two are in their teens. They adore him.

We talked about 3, we like big gaps. There is an 8y gap between my two.

My 2nd had the most craziest tantrums and melt downs. And is just too fucking loud, his brother was so quiet and still is at 13.

However at this time we have decided to stay at 2. We're out of nursery fees and both at school and another crazy child I really do not want.

Do I pine for another - to be honest just the baby stage , with thousands of snuggles and box sets.

Yes I did. And I was the right decision (to stick at 2). Took a good few years though. 40-45 was tough.

Gosh yes. Those years are the toughest. I am slight over that now and still think. What if.

We planned & wanted 3. But I had miscarriages & complex pregnancies. We made peace with the fact that trying for a third was likely to mean more miscarriages, high risk of stillbirth, pregnancy complications and potentially disabilities - we knew we just could not face those risks.

Tbh also I had my two and they are so lovely and life is becoming so great (past the worst bits of shit sleep and stuff) that we are happy that our family is complete now. I sometimes get a little pang of liking the idea of a bigger family but it only takes a second for my brain to remind my heart that a rose tinted idea and reality would be aeons apart.....

@Blessex wait perimenopause hits. I am far less patient and far more grumpy and generally less maternal. Thankfully my youngest turned teen just as this happened so I'm less in demand anyway but I shudder to think how it would have worked if I'd had a younger child.

After having DC2 we felt our family wasn’t complete but now they are getting older that feeling is fading. We’re revisiting the idea next year but I think I know already I don’t want another. Doesn’t help that I’m terrible at being pregnant and giving birth!
As they are getting older, things are getting easier, I don’t have to lug a buggy everywhere, I can take a little bag, they’ll play nicely together. I can’t imagine going back to the baby stage even though we aren’t that far out of it

We have 3 - have a gap of 4.5 years between 2 and 3. It’s a great gap. I have noticed though that friends who stuck at 2 and now have an 8 and 10 year old have a totally different life to me. They have child free time on holiday, doing loads of exercise, don’t have toys in the lounge anymore etc. But I guess it depends if you are wanting to move on from all that. We quite like the fun of having a little one but I know a lot of my friends are happy those days are behind them.

I’m fine with it. I had two boys at 33 and 36.
My autoimmune stuff flared a great deal after my second son, and it took a couple of years to stabilize, by which time I felt too old. (Never yearned for a girl, so never grieved for that.)

I would add though that loads of them have got a puppy instead of a third child. To me that seems harder work than a third child though so not sure I understand the logic!

Totally made peace with it.

OH wanted to stick at 2 and I am so glad.
Teenage years are so expensive. one crazy dancer to a high level, gap year to New Zealand, driving lessons, University.
I could not have supported 3 so easily.

I have two and had times (like a previous poster said particularly from 40-45) where I really wanted a third. I had HG in both pregnancies though and it really took a toll on me mentally and physically and DH was very against having a third. I don't think our marriage would have survived another difficult pregnancy.
My children are teenagers now and I am happy with two but I do have the occasional pang of regret.

We deliberated having a 3rd - same age gaps as yours. Now that they’re 5 and 7 I’m so very very glad we didn’t! Neither slept particularly well (which was the deal breaker), they get on well but are so full on and very energetic, I can’t imagine juggling 3 lots of after school clubs, getting three ready for breakfast club / school drop off etc..

I know plenty of people with 3. And not one of them have ever said they’ve regretted it. But then, you can’t ever say really say you regret having kids can you…

I've literally just decided in the last few weeks to stop at 2. I have always dreamed of having 3 and was very keen up until a month ago. Unfortunately I slipped a disc last year and again this year and it has been a big problem for me ever since. I have now decided that having a third is putting my body at an unnecessary risk of further injury and I really want to be able to walk, run and play with the children I have, rather than have a third and risk further spinal problems. It has been hard to come to terms with and I'm still struggling a little but I know it's the right decision for the family that I already have.

I always thought I wanted three. I prefer the dynamic of 3 as I had a pretty rough childhood with just one sibling and we didn't get on. I thought with 3 there would be more opportunities for them to enjoy each others company in different ways. However DC1 was an absolute nightmare for sleeping and general fussiness (still is) and she totally broke me. We had DC2, 4 years later, he was a dream baby and I could happily have a few more like him. I relaxed, got in the zone and became a better mother and was contemplating DC3. However DP then left me for another woman (I wasn't paying him enough attention, poor lamb) and here we are, the decision was taken out of my hands to an extent. I still would have another DC but can't be bothered with another relationship plus the age gap would be much bigger now. My DC also have 2 younger half siblings on their dads side whom they adore so they did OK. I'm completely happy with us being a family of 3 but I do contemplate fostering from time to time - I feel like I have more mothering to give! I don't want to put my DC through the possible difficulties of it though as they already have a lot going on living at 2 houses. Maybe one day.

Hi OP, I have two the same age as yours and we're having the same debate. I can't answer directly but wonder if you've got some of the same unresolved thoughts I have.

My younger one has just turned one, so thanks to bastard Covid, I barley saw anyone the whole time I was pregnant. No joy of sharing the excitement and expectation. Just fear and solo hospital appointments. Since DC was born, I've also not seen many people except local friends and mostly outdoors. Trying to bf on the depths of winter on a cold park bench because there wasn't even a cafe open. That sort of delightful experience. This will change as people are vaccinated, and I can introduce her to more relatives, but my whole mat leave has been shit compared to what I dreamed of (I became pregnant pre Covid).

Sorry if that's a derail and I certainly wouldn't have another child just to try and have a more 'normal' pregnancy and mat leave. Obviously a child is for life and not just as a newborn! Just curious if it plays any part in your thinking?

After about eight years, I realised I no longer felt the same way. It was quite sudden.

A decade later, I occasionally have a "the road not taken" moment, but I'm not generally sad.

I'm so glad I'm reading this as the urge for me to have another baby is so strongbits primal and hard to ignore. So relieved it eventually fades because practically and financially 3 is too much and I don't want my 2 to have to miss out. But my God the baby fever is like a drug

@Winecurestiredness I'm so sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing. It is something that has past through my mind.

@felulageller

I've had 3 and in hindsight shouldn't have.

But if I had stuck with 2 I think I would always have been unhappy with that too.

When it's only the older 2 about it's so quiet and doesn't feel like a family the way it does with young DC's.

For me whether they are boys/ girls makes a difference too.

I’m interested in you saying it makes a difference whether they are boys/girls. What do you mean by that? I’m just interested :)

I wanted three. But had one.

It just didn’t happen. But I can’t regret what didn’t happen.

@FoxtrotSkarloey that is something I've considered but I don't think it's the think driving me.

For me I think it's being one of two growing up. I found it boring having one sibling and often longed for another, ideally a sister - but maybe lots of kids wish that??

DH is one of three but says it wasn't particularly "party" being one of three and he felt like it was just one too many, none of them are particularly close but carry out their various sibling duties. Much the same as my brother and I.

Sorry for your loss @Winecurestiredness