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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go to the gym?

95 replies

LaMadrilena · 31/08/2021 10:14

Current situation: I'm on mat leave with DD aged 13 weeks. DH is working as well as doing practically all housework, and has always done more than his fair share of this. DD is EBF, feeding roughly every hour or hour and a half during the day and will only nap on me, so it's hard to get anything else done. I don't really see anyone other than DH as I don't know anyone in our town other than my SIL, and I'm going nuts with the boredom and loneliness.

Up till 37w pregnant I was doing a HIIT class twice a week at 7am, and I'm desperate to get back. I'm hardly moving ATM due to DD's feeding habits, and I'm craving the social side too. The potential problem is leaving DD with DH - she's fine with him until she needs comforting or feeding, and then only I will do. The few times I've slipped out of the house for an hour tops she has cried till she's gone purple. She won't take a bottle, although I'm working on it.

My worry is that DD will start screaming as soon as I leave and won't stop for an hour and a half, while DH is trying to get ready to leave for work at 08.40. He's supportive of the idea so far, because he knows how frustrated I am, but I think he's probably not looking forward to it. I'd be leaving at 06.45 and back at 08.15.
I could try a different time slot, but ideally I'd like to rejoin my original group as there was a really good relationship there with the others and the trainer.

So the AIBU isn't because DH isn't willing/able to look after DD, it's because it might just be a real stress for them both.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PaddleBlue · 31/08/2021 10:19

Can you build slowly up to it, with DH spending longer trying to settle her while you’re in another room? And keep persevering with bottle

Ponoka7 · 31/08/2021 10:19

I think that you have to work on her taking a bottle and put it off for a few weeks. The stress hormones that she will be releasing once she's been crying for more than twenty minutes Isn't good for her. It will be very tough going for your DH as well.

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 31/08/2021 10:30

You have a 3 months old baby? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe wait for a couple more months and start classes which are suitable for her not you.

My babies are 6 months old, couldn’t dream of leaving them for more than a few minutes when they were 3 months old. But appreciate people’s priorities are different 😳

SoupDragon · 31/08/2021 10:32

I think you need to work up to it. Go for a walk for half an hour first and see how it goes.

Does she like being in a sling? Can he wear her with a top of yours tucked in?

SoupDragon · 31/08/2021 10:33

My babies are 6 months old, couldn’t dream of leaving them for more than a few minutes when they were 3 months old. But appreciate people’s priorities are different

Talk about judgemental! She is leaving her DD with her other parent FFS!

GintyMcGinty · 31/08/2021 10:35

It is not at all unreasonable to pay attention to your physical and mental health - both of which will be supported by you going to the gym.

DH is Dad and he will find a way to manage.

GintyMcGinty · 31/08/2021 10:36

@letmethinkaboutitfornow

You have a 3 months old baby? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe wait for a couple more months and start classes which are suitable for her not you.

My babies are 6 months old, couldn’t dream of leaving them for more than a few minutes when they were 3 months old. But appreciate people’s priorities are different 😳

There is always one. Halo
surreygirl1987 · 31/08/2021 10:37

Do you have a Busy Lizzy class near you or another sort of mother and baby exercise group? I know just how you feel (I have a 1 year old and a 2 year old and I still struggle getting to the gym... plus my baby point blank refused to take a bottle until he was around 10 months old!). I joined Busy Lizzy and went to fitness classes literally every single day. Brilliant way to meet new people, mums with babies similar ages to yours (I made great friends from it) and you can get fit with the baby with you. You can stop and breastfeed whenever. In indoor classes baby is on the mat with you and outdoor classes baby is typically in the pram. Additionally, I bought an Out n About Nipper Sport running pram and did couch to 5km while my baby napped. Loads of ways to exercise with a baby in a way to make it as easy as possible for everyone!

Original poster
LaMadrilena · 31/08/2021 10:38

I know, it's not looking like a great idea. It's just been so frustrating these last 3 months - I live abroad so no visits from friends/family, too hot till now to get exercise walking etc, so I've just been sitting on the sofa alone (with DD), sweating, watching daytime TV and getting unfit. It's made me selfish.

OP posts:
GoWalkabout · 31/08/2021 10:39

I don't think its completely unreasonable but I think you should build up to it gradually.

RedMarauder · 31/08/2021 10:39

I'm actually worried about your ligaments rather than you leaving your baby.

I know when I was bf my ligaments weren't stable so I couldn't exercise like I was even when I was pregnant. (I stopped when I was 33 weeks pregnant due to the classes changing and feeling uncomfortable.) It took me a few months after I stopped bf for them to go back to "feeling" normal.

Start slower than you think you will need to and build up. I wouldn't take your baby with you as you need time out from her for your mental health.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 31/08/2021 10:41

I did an exercise class for mums and babies. DD2 could either be in the sling or in the buggy. I think this might be a better option for you at the moment until your baby is a bit older.

Jumpingintosummer · 31/08/2021 10:42

@letmethinkaboutitfornow

You have a 3 months old baby? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe wait for a couple more months and start classes which are suitable for her not you.

My babies are 6 months old, couldn’t dream of leaving them for more than a few minutes when they were 3 months old. But appreciate people’s priorities are different 😳

Thank goodness we are all different eh? Pity we can’t be different without judgement Hmm.

The gym benefits your mental and physical well-being and returning to your group is important for you to build friends too. DH used to walk DD3 for the duration of my 45min class.

Sweettruelies · 31/08/2021 10:42

Could you try a buggy fit class or baby friendly aerobics? It won’t be as intense as hiit but it will get you out and meeting new people. The other class will still be there in another few months

RuggerHug · 31/08/2021 10:43

There's loads of HIIT workouts available online you can do at home without equipment if you want to try that. I know you'll be missing the social side but you'll cut out the getting there and back time. Could work for now until she's going longer between feeds.

Stormyequine · 31/08/2021 10:43

I'd say go for it. Surely if you feed before you leave she will most likely last until you get back? She might also take a bottle more willingly if you aren't there.

RJnomore1 · 31/08/2021 10:44

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. What a load of nonsense answers! Your health is important and an hour or so for a HIIT class is completely reasonable to do. You may actually find without you around she’s more likely to take a bottle from her dad. And I’m sure he can cope for such a short time period.

There is nothing selfish at all about what you are asking. You did not cease to be a person in your own right when you gave birth. Your child will not starve and has another loving parent there for them. But do take that good advice about your ligaments and be careful!

TheChiefJo · 31/08/2021 10:45

It's not U at all, but could you build back up to it? Maybe by getting up at that time and trying a brisk 30 minute walk/jog for a couple of weeks? This could give DD and DH chance to get a bit used to each other alone for shorter periods? It'd also give you a bit more time to work on her taking the odd bottle.

welshladywhois40 · 31/08/2021 10:46

Completely reasonable but your hubby needs a tactic to help him once the baby gets upset - can you leave one of your sweaty shirts? Something to comfort the baby or they go for a drive?

When my first was 6 months I joined a gym with a creche and loved having that me time and getting exercise,

Also - it will get better with leaving your baby - my second son would settle easily with my partner when he was tiny but it got better at 4/5 months

Bonheurdupasse · 31/08/2021 10:46

@letmethinkaboutitfornow

You have a 3 months old baby? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe wait for a couple more months and start classes which are suitable for her not you.

My babies are 6 months old, couldn’t dream of leaving them for more than a few minutes when they were 3 months old. But appreciate people’s priorities are different 😳

That is a really shitty and judgey message. In an oh so subtle way.

OP ignore this please, people just want others to suffer.

Crazycatlady83 · 31/08/2021 10:51

I feel the same OP! My baby is 9 weeks old and I'm desperate to get back to exercising! I do a class which I can take DS to, which is good and I also brought a cross fit trainer. I already had a exercise bike. Is that a possibility?

Congratulations on your newborn!

Original poster
LaMadrilena · 31/08/2021 10:53

Thanks everyone. The buggy fit classes are a nice idea, but unfortunately absolutely nothing like that exists round here (small city in Spain). Believe me, I've been desperately looking for any kind of mum & baby group, not just exercise-based, but absolutely everything is still cancelled.

I have had the mad idea of taking her with me and just parking her pram in the corner (it's a small gym with only group sessions and where everyone knows everyone), but I don't think their insurance would cover it!

I've committed to tomorrow's class, so I think I'll see how everyone copes, and if it's too much stress, I'll just have to hold on for longer and hope not to lose my mind in the meantime.

I'm just so conscious that the longer I leave it, the harder it's going to be to get in shape, when I've put so much work in over the last few years.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaMadrilena · 31/08/2021 10:54

No room in our flat for any exercise equipment unfortunately - it's too full of baby stuff!

OP posts:
FlumpsAreShit · 31/08/2021 10:55

Could you start with a walk at that time, building up from 15 mins round the block (where you talk to/facetime a friend or family member or listen to music/a pocadt)

Might help your sanity and stepping out will give DH a better chance of success with the bottle.

eurochick · 31/08/2021 10:55

I think it's fine to leave her while you work out but it'll be tough on your husband to try to get ready whilst trying to comfort an inconsolable baby before heading off to work.

At that point I did home Pilates workouts to get my strength back up during afternoon naps.