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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go to the gym?

95 replies

LaMadrilena · 31/08/2021 10:14

Current situation: I'm on mat leave with DD aged 13 weeks. DH is working as well as doing practically all housework, and has always done more than his fair share of this. DD is EBF, feeding roughly every hour or hour and a half during the day and will only nap on me, so it's hard to get anything else done. I don't really see anyone other than DH as I don't know anyone in our town other than my SIL, and I'm going nuts with the boredom and loneliness.

Up till 37w pregnant I was doing a HIIT class twice a week at 7am, and I'm desperate to get back. I'm hardly moving ATM due to DD's feeding habits, and I'm craving the social side too. The potential problem is leaving DD with DH - she's fine with him until she needs comforting or feeding, and then only I will do. The few times I've slipped out of the house for an hour tops she has cried till she's gone purple. She won't take a bottle, although I'm working on it.

My worry is that DD will start screaming as soon as I leave and won't stop for an hour and a half, while DH is trying to get ready to leave for work at 08.40. He's supportive of the idea so far, because he knows how frustrated I am, but I think he's probably not looking forward to it. I'd be leaving at 06.45 and back at 08.15.
I could try a different time slot, but ideally I'd like to rejoin my original group as there was a really good relationship there with the others and the trainer.

So the AIBU isn't because DH isn't willing/able to look after DD, it's because it might just be a real stress for them both.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
LaMadrilena · 31/08/2021 13:35

@SpicyJalfrezi Don't apologise, I appreciate all advice. She used to take a bottle no problem as we had to supplement her a bit to begin with, but she's now rejecting it after weeks without. I'm giving her a bit every day to get her use to it again, at times when she's not hungry and therefore not fussy. She did have 2 sucks today, then turned away. We do have one other type of bottle, so I'll try that too, now her mouth is a bit bigger.

@Bagamoyo1 I think you're right about if the boot was on the other foot. But in this case it's a dad who is completely faultless in his participation in house and baby are, so I'd have no problem if he wanted a couple of hours to himself!

@Goldbar Yes I think that's the only way, but I've been trying to avoid even the thought of it. I tried expressing a while back and found it really tough, despite a shiny new pump. I'll have to try again.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaMadrilena · 31/08/2021 13:39

@ShingleBeach Thanks, I'll definitely try that tip. The problem is that she usually doses off!

@InvisibleDragon It actually hadn't occurred to me to shorten the class (barring emergency phonecalls obviously) - I may well do that to start with.

OP posts:
soughsigh · 31/08/2021 13:50

I remember being stuck on the sofa with a baby that either fed or slept all day, wanting some kind of life and genuinely worried about getting bedsores from sitting so much.

It's great that you have the energy, drive and committed partner to try getting to the gym - just remember, if the session you've booked tomorrow doesn't work out, you can try again in a few weeks when baby is going longer more reliably between feeds. 13 weeks definitely feels like forever when you're in the thick of it, but things change all the time when they're that tiny.

Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly for you - your husband will learn ways to soothe the baby that don't involve feeding. My son eventually learnt to settle better for my husband than me because he didn't expect to be fed, but it was a process that involved a bit of perseverance on his part.

Goldbar · 31/08/2021 13:57

Yes I think that's the only way, but I've been trying to avoid even the thought of it. I tried expressing a while back and found it really tough, despite a shiny new pump. I'll have to try again.

Good luck, OP! Pumping's not for everyone. I found a suction pump easier (although less effective) than an electric one for pumping while I was feeding since I didn't have to faff around with all the pieces and wires. I gave up on the electric one pretty quickly since there were so many parts to clean. The haakaa one I had was just one piece to sterilise so worked well for me (although I have friends who didn't like it so not for everyone).

Honestly though the relief of DC taking a bottle!! I used to pump on Friday night and then get up Saturday morning and say to DH "So long sucker, I'm outta here "Bottle in the fridge. I'll see you at lunchtime". DH would care for DC while I went for a run or shopping by myself and then we'd meet up for lunch somewhere and I'd feed DC.

Just because you're a mother doesn't mean you have to be glued to your baby 168/168 hours a week. The sky won't fall in and they won't be traumised because you decide that, actually, 164/168 hours is sufficient and their other parent can manage on their own for 4 out of 168 hours.

LittleGwyneth · 31/08/2021 14:43

You clearly need some space for yourself, and it's completely reasonable that you want to go to the gym. I would echo other people in suggesting that in the interim you find a gym class for people with babies during the day, and build up to leaving the baby with your partner for long enough.

TillyTopper · 31/08/2021 14:49

I say go for it OP, just take stock after each class as to whether it's working for baby, DH and you? And be prepared to compromise if it's not. If you're worried about getting unfit and can't go out due to heat how about yoga from youtube with the air con on in your home?

roundtable · 31/08/2021 14:51

Hope you do it op and glad dh is supportive.

You'll feel better for going.

Motherchicken · 31/08/2021 14:57

Go to the gym! It’s 3 hours a week. Babies are smart and will get what they need. Feed just before you go and if she wakes before you are back, dad can offer a bottle. If she’s hungry enough she will drink it, if not she can wait the 20-30 mins until you are back.
Your health and well-being is important too. Also when they can’t smell the milk they are sometimes different.

MummyJ12 · 31/08/2021 15:17

I’m in massive favour of you going to the gym. You need a bit of time for you, I find I’m a better parent if I get that little bit of time for me. Be very careful though, and ease into your exercise gently like a pp has said already. I did my pelvis in because I tried to run too far, too soon after birth of ds.
Your husband and baby will be fine, make it work and I’m sure you’ll feel so much better for it. Smile

Original poster
LaMadrilena · 01/09/2021 08:00

Update:

Massive thunderstorms all night, I hardly slept. DH running round closing windows at 3am. DD mostly oblivious. Gym seemed like a terrible idea, but I ploughed on anyway because I am an idiot stubborn.

All went to plan. DD fed at 06.15-06.35 and I went out. Came back at 08.10 (no stretching/warm down - I'll regret that later...) to find DH and DD on the sofa playing peekaboo. We'll, DH was playing peekaboo - DD hasn't learned about object permanence yet so she was just giggling at having a muslin wafted in her face. I got a quick shower and fed her again while DH finished getting ready. Win all round.

DD is usually incredibly chirpy in the morning, si let's see if we manage the same next week, or if it was beginner's luck...

OP posts:
CallMeNutribullet · 01/09/2021 08:04

@letmethinkaboutitfornow

You have a 3 months old baby? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe wait for a couple more months and start classes which are suitable for her not you.

My babies are 6 months old, couldn’t dream of leaving them for more than a few minutes when they were 3 months old. But appreciate people’s priorities are different 😳

Could you be more snide?
GintyMcGinty · 01/09/2021 08:10

Brilliant update @LaMadrilena

Delatron · 01/09/2021 08:16

Ah I’m pleased it worked out. Was going to say some of these replies were ridiculous on here.

It’s important that your baby can settle with DH for that short length of time. And for you to get some time for yourself.

I’d also worked out it still gave your DH plenty of time to get ready once you were back if the baby was unsettled. Which didn’t happen!

Goldbar · 01/09/2021 08:23

Well done. Happy you, happy baby. And turns out (which I'm sure you never doubted) that your DH is a perfectly capable parent who doesn't have a fit of the vapours at being expected to care for his own child for a bit.

Livpool · 01/09/2021 08:29

I would look at doing another time although I know you like the previous class. Getting ready for work alone with an unsettled baby sounds awful for your DH

roundtable · 01/09/2021 08:38

Lovely update. Hope it continues to work.

Delatron · 01/09/2021 08:59

How lovely you have such a fab, supportive DH.
The baby will settle in to a routine with him. I really don’t think you need to worry about it affecting him getting ready for work! My DH can have a shower and be ready in about 15 minutes. What more does he need to do?

Don’t look at another time if this time works for you.

devildeepbluesea · 01/09/2021 09:02

@letmethinkaboutitfornow

You have a 3 months old baby? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe wait for a couple more months and start classes which are suitable for her not you.

My babies are 6 months old, couldn’t dream of leaving them for more than a few minutes when they were 3 months old. But appreciate people’s priorities are different 😳

WTAF

Classes suitable for DD? Why's that, has OP suddenly stopped being a person in her own right, whose needs and wants are no longer valid?

Load of bollocks.

My advice would be to work up to 90mins over the course of a few days.

devildeepbluesea · 01/09/2021 09:04

Missed the update - brilliant!

Latecomer131 · 01/09/2021 09:15

Hi, OP. I am in the late stages of pregnancy and plan to do the same fairly shortly after birth (if I am in a position to do so, physically). Ignore the judgement on here, your needs and mental health matter. My DH is extremely supportive about my need to get out of the house for short periods to work out after the baby arrives, as he's worried that I will get depressed without exercise.

The only valid objection is whether your body would be able to cope with full on HITT, so I'd be inclined to just do a gym session on a cross trainer/bike initially, see how my body coped with that, and build up to HIIT over the course of a few weeks if all seemed well.

As an aside, I am jealous that you managed to continue HIIT so late into your pregnancy. I am almost 29 weeks and going a little crazy from the lack of exercise, as I developed PGP/SPD at 12 weeks.

SummerHouse · 01/09/2021 09:32

Really fab result! And I hope gives encouragement to all that we should at least give things a go. Rather than being mum martyrs for a decade. I speak from experience....Well done OP, DH and LO. Flowers

IntermittentParps · 01/09/2021 09:32

Great news, OP!

Ignore the 'how on earth could you leave them?' brigade.

Oh, and as for 'It's made me selfish.' –NO IT HASN'T. Babies need parents who are healthy and happy.

Reallyreallyborednow · 01/09/2021 09:36

Ignore the 'how on earth could you leave them?' brigade

“Brigade”? It was one poster who has been firmly told to wind her neck in by the rest 🙄

Original poster
LaMadrilena · 01/09/2021 09:39

@Delatron In theory yes, 15 min is enough, but then you have to factor in toilet time... Grin

@Latecomer131 I know, I was really really lucky with my pregnancy and had no problems that stopped me doing anything. It was sheer luck I know. I'm conscious of not pushing it too hard and messing everything up now by going back to previous rhythm/weights etc, so I've done a few sessions with a PT first, but the cost of that isn't sustainable! I was actually surprised and pleased with my fitness level today. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well and I'm sure you won't have problems getting back into the swing afterwards.

@Goldbar Absolutely. I don't doubt his capability, but I do understand how stressful it must be for him when she's crying and he doesn't have boobs to fall back on! I'm pleased for him too this morning. They both looked so happy together when I got in!

OP posts:
harriethoyle · 01/09/2021 09:44

@letmethinkaboutitfornow

You have a 3 months old baby? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe wait for a couple more months and start classes which are suitable for her not you.

My babies are 6 months old, couldn’t dream of leaving them for more than a few minutes when they were 3 months old. But appreciate people’s priorities are different 😳

Wow - do you need a hand hoiking those massive judgey pants up?? What an unpleasant post.
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