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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to go to the gym?

95 replies

LaMadrilena · 31/08/2021 10:14

Current situation: I'm on mat leave with DD aged 13 weeks. DH is working as well as doing practically all housework, and has always done more than his fair share of this. DD is EBF, feeding roughly every hour or hour and a half during the day and will only nap on me, so it's hard to get anything else done. I don't really see anyone other than DH as I don't know anyone in our town other than my SIL, and I'm going nuts with the boredom and loneliness.

Up till 37w pregnant I was doing a HIIT class twice a week at 7am, and I'm desperate to get back. I'm hardly moving ATM due to DD's feeding habits, and I'm craving the social side too. The potential problem is leaving DD with DH - she's fine with him until she needs comforting or feeding, and then only I will do. The few times I've slipped out of the house for an hour tops she has cried till she's gone purple. She won't take a bottle, although I'm working on it.

My worry is that DD will start screaming as soon as I leave and won't stop for an hour and a half, while DH is trying to get ready to leave for work at 08.40. He's supportive of the idea so far, because he knows how frustrated I am, but I think he's probably not looking forward to it. I'd be leaving at 06.45 and back at 08.15.
I could try a different time slot, but ideally I'd like to rejoin my original group as there was a really good relationship there with the others and the trainer.

So the AIBU isn't because DH isn't willing/able to look after DD, it's because it might just be a real stress for them both.

AIBU?

OP posts:

ChaneySays · 01/09/2021 09:47

I feel your pain, OP! I've been back at the gym about a month now and despite having lost a lot of my progress I feel 100% better than a few months ago. Like the cobwebs have finally blown away.

IntermittentParps · 01/09/2021 09:49

Reallyreallyborednow, are you the thread auditor?

A few people say she is U. Not in as pass-agg and holier-than-thou way as that particular poster, granted.

Jumpingintosummer · 01/09/2021 09:52

Glad it went well. Fingers crossed for next time

Swearwolf · 01/09/2021 09:53

I think it's so dependent on the baby - my first couldn't be left for a really long time as he fed so frequently and wouldn't take a bottle either.

Could you see if there are any Buggyfit or similar classes in your area? I did them with my first, thought they would be super easy (like you, I was still in body combat classes in my third trimester) but they were pretty hardcore actually. I made a few friends who were in a similar position to me with a similar outlook and ended up with people to do active stuff with together with the babies. I was then able to get back to exercising alone when he was a little older.

Doomscrolling · 01/09/2021 09:54

What a great outcome! I’m really pleased for you, OP.

IntermittentParps · 01/09/2021 09:56

Swearwolf, the OP has said there are no buggyfit type classes where she is.

Latecomer131 · 01/09/2021 11:06

@LaMadrilena , great to see the latest update. Wishing you many future gym sessions .

MummyJ12 · 01/09/2021 12:35

Brilliant @LaMadrilena thanks for the update, so pleased it went well.

ShingleBeach · 01/09/2021 12:55

Really glad it worked out OP.

Abd good luck ongoing with introducing a bottle.

Feed just before you go and if she wakes before you are back, dad can offer a bottle. If she’s hungry enough she will drink it This isn’t always true. A 12 week old baby has no idea that a rubber test put in its mouth will satisfy hunger, and will reject it, looking for the nipple it is used to.

In truth I wish I had introduced expressed milk in a bottle much sooner than I did. By 3m my baby was sure that milk came from breast or nothing!

Original poster

LaMadrilena · 06/09/2021 08:27

Update 2:

Second session. Came back to find DH having had breakfast, ironing a shirt. DD in bed, dead to the world. Hadn't even noticed I'd gone. And there was me worrying...

OP posts:

Reallyreallyborednow · 06/09/2021 08:34

In truth I wish I had introduced expressed milk in a bottle much sooner than I did. By 3m my baby was sure that milk came from breast or nothing!

That’s no guarantee either 😂. I introduced bottles very early on- because I felt I should. Give myself a break, others want to feed and bond, usual stuff. So i persevered, even though I hated pumping, rather than give me a break it doubled my workload and others got to sit on their arses and feed while I washed up, sterilised, pumped, put a load of washing on…

Anyway one day about 3 m she just point blank refused the bottle and never took one again. Big relief tbh, i just went back to bf, it was so much less work!

NotGCTUR · 06/09/2021 08:35

I honestly think this would be awful for your husband.

By all means further down the line, but leaving stressed husband struggling to get ready for work with a constantly crying baby, so you can go to the gym seems a little bit unfair to me

Reallyreallyborednow · 06/09/2021 08:35

By all means further down the line, but leaving stressed husband struggling to get ready for work with a constantly crying baby, so you can go to the gym seems a little bit unfair to me

Maybe read the full thread?

NotGCTUR · 06/09/2021 08:38

Your original post was fairly misleading based on your updates. You suggested that the baby cried the entire time you were not there. Obviously my answer would be different if the baby was actually going to be asleep.

Or is normally fairly perky in the morning. It sounds like it's the right thing for you, but the post was a bit of a drip feed

NotGCTUR · 06/09/2021 08:38

@Reallyreallyborednow

By all means further down the line, but leaving stressed husband struggling to get ready for work with a constantly crying baby, so you can go to the gym seems a little bit unfair to me

Maybe read the full thread?

Calm down love.

SoupDragon · 06/09/2021 09:27

Calm down love.

😂 There was nothing "not calm" about her post!

IntermittentParps · 06/09/2021 09:41

NotGCTUR, when the OP first posted she was worried based on her baby's past behaviour. She didn't and couldn't know if the baby would sleep or wake if she went out on this occasion. She wasn't deliberately misleading anyone.

Original poster

LaMadrilena · 06/09/2021 09:50

Not sure where the drip feed was! DD has usually cried when I've had to be away, which had been maximum 1 hour. While it's true that that was in the evening when she's more easily unsettled, I had no way of knowing how she would react if she woke up in the morning and I wasn't there. She's usually happy in the morning, but my sudden absence might have changed that. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

WaterBottle123 · 06/09/2021 10:59

This thread is bat shit crazy, in most European countries women are back at work by 3 months!

Of course you can go to gym. Feed right before you leave and when you get back.

Ffs, the handmaids are out this morning

Delatron · 06/09/2021 11:03

I do think the “oh won’t you think of the poor father’ posts are quite frankly ridiculous.

But it seems OP has a lovely supportive DH.

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