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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a back up school bag?!

93 replies

amiasheep · 31/08/2021 00:11

11 year old son chose a Smiggle bag for school. I suggested it was too young and he looked a bit hurt as he really liked it. So we bought it and I said it was lovely (it is).
I have just now ordered a bog standard black Nike one to tuck away as back up and I'm feeling guilty for not getting on board with individuality etc.

I'm not particularly conventional so not sure why I try to make him "fit it".

(It won't go to waste, I am in need of a new bag for walks etc)

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/09/2021 12:48

@autummvibes

I wouldn't be allowing a year 7 to go into school with a Smiggle bag. The first year is all about finding your feet. Most children walking in with a bag like that will be ridiculed and wouldn't stand a chance from day one. I couldn't do that to my child. School politics are shit but it is what it is. Whether we agree with it or not I wouldn't want to make an example of my child, it's not us who has to deal with the next 5 years. You've done the right thing buying a different bag.
Same. That first day might stick with him. I would suggest he takes the nike bag for day one and changes to the smiggle later if he wants to.
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/09/2021 12:51

@UserStillatLarge

I wouldn't have bought a back up. If he decides he doesn't want the smiggle bag and you produce another one that you bought just in case, you're basically saying that you'd expected him to "fail". Why not wait for him to decide he doesn't want the bag (if he does) and then get another one?
Other kids picking on him wouldn't be a failing on his part. This makes no sense.
UserStillatLarge · 01/09/2021 15:06

Not talking about other kids picking on him. I'm talking about him deciding he doesn't want the bag for whatever reason. If he comes home and says that actually he doesn't want the smiggle bag anymore and OP say"I thought you wouldn't, so I bought you another bag just in case" (I'm sure she wouldn't use those words but that would be the meaning), its hard for that to sound other than, "see, I knew this woukd happen, just as well I was here to swoop in and rescue the situation". Which is not a great message. If OP thought the bag was an issue(personally I think he will probably be fine with it in year 7), then she should have steered him to another bag on the grounds of not hard wearing enough, not big enough, straps too uncomfortable or one of the other excellent suggestions made on here. I'm not sure exactly what point letting him buy the "wrong" bag but also having a fall back was meant to make. Either let him buy the bag and get on with it, or steer him away in the first place.

Hosum · 01/09/2021 15:09

We went for pin badges - (dd starting y7) so plain navy backpack but she has put on some final space badges and a couple from a pin badge range she designs (based on manga). Hopefully a compromise between the kawaii she wanted, the longchamp style totes every other girl seems to carry and the completely rejected school logo backpack....

Original poster
amiasheep · 01/09/2021 17:37

I'm not sure exactly what point letting him buy the "wrong" bag but also having a fall back was meant to make. It wasn't supposed to make any point, wasn't planned. (I certainly didn't set out with the intention to buy two bags!). Sometimes parenting is just about muddling through as best we can.

OP posts:
PieceOfString · 01/09/2021 17:59

Wise mum, you can just casually have a spare lying around he could use, you don't have to reveal it's new for that reason!

Boredhimtodeath · 01/09/2021 21:44

I'm not sure exactly what point letting him buy the "wrong" bag but also having a fall back was meant to make

Not everything in life has to make a point or teach a lesson. If her child comes home from school feeling self conscious or the odd one out his Mum can give him a boost of confidence and make him feel better.

Swimmum78 · 01/09/2021 22:02

If my dd's smiggle bag breaks in a few weeks I will def be returning for a refund. Daylight bloody robbery!

Comedycook · 01/09/2021 22:07

Bless him . You sound like a lovely mum. Good idea to get a back up bag imo. I think a smiggle bag will seem a bit babyish in secondary school.

Hellocatshome · 01/09/2021 22:10

I honestly would try to find a way for him to not use the smiggle bag.

Nietzschethehiker · 01/09/2021 22:15

I don't think having a backup is a bad thing at all. It's not like he needs to know about it unless he needs it.

I empathise although granted my DS2 is a lot younger but last year he desperately insisted he wanted a pink my little pony lunchbox and to my shame I questioned him alot to make sure he definitely was sure. Yes said he. He was absolutely sure. Off he went on first day of reception proudly with his lunchbox. I had a green minecraft one at home in a cupboard just in case.

I don't believe in boys and girls colours and I firmly believe in him being himself but I admit I couldn't bear the thought of him being picked on or upset.

Blow me he taught me a lesson. He didn't turn a hair. He was teased a couple of times and he simply shrugged and laughed. He used the my little pony one all year very happily. And the spare went to ds1 when he decided to try launching his across the playground apparently in a science experiment.

I'm glad he is so confident (mostly.....that confidence has caused me one or two awkward conversations with his teacher so it's a double edged sword).

I'm also glad I had the spare, just in case.

Myotherusernameisshy · 01/09/2021 22:27

My ds is about to start y7 and I gently steered him onto a plain backpack. If he still wants the brighter one he chose first by Christmas I will happily buy it for him he won't.
We've been to secondary school and they haven't. Most of our dc this year probably haven't even had an open evening or a taster day. I don't see any harm in being honest that, while there is nothing wrong with what they have chosen, it will probably make them stand out.

esloquehay · 01/09/2021 22:31

There's no way I'd let my Y7 kid go into high school with a Smiggle bag. It's a one way ticket to being teased. Children are mean AF over stuff like that.

Comedycook · 01/09/2021 22:36

When my Ds started at secondary, he told me he was wondering what themed lunchbox he wanted...I had to gently suggest at secondary most kids would just take a plain plastic tupperware.

Original poster
amiasheep · 01/09/2021 23:52

Blow me he taught me a lesson. Great when that happens isn't it.
Thanks for all the messages and good luck to other children also heading off to new schools.

OP posts:
stripedbananas · 02/09/2021 02:31

I would pretend to lose the smiggle bag the night before and magically replace with the spare random Nike bag that just so happens to be in the wardrobe.

stripedbananas · 02/09/2021 02:36

Incidentally what shoes have you got him?Definitely do not send him in Velcro Clark's shoes

Original poster
amiasheep · 02/09/2021 07:56

Oh dear, he has velcro shoes!! He can't do laces, we might to deal with that another time.

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 02/09/2021 08:06

@amiasheep

Oh dear, he has velcro shoes!! He can't do laces, we might to deal with that another time.
Does he have dyspraxia or another SN? If not, he needs to get into laces ASAP
alrightfella · 02/09/2021 08:12

@amiasheep is that a joke?

Assuming he doesn't have any additional needs and there is no reason why he can't do shoe laces please, please get practising tying up laces over the weekend. How is he going to change into trainers or football boots for pe or are they Velcro too?

Be prepared for him to be teased over the Velcro.

AngelPrint · 02/09/2021 08:12

Y7 is not the place to die on a hill of individuality.
I work in a secondary and you’ve absolutely done the right thing.

Velcro shoes you might get away with but work on it fast.

Original poster
amiasheep · 02/09/2021 08:16

Dyspraxia but we could work on it.

OP posts:
alrightfella · 02/09/2021 08:18

Dd has dyspraxia it took her ages to learn to do laces (same with riding a bike and using a knife and fork and many other things)

Is there a reason you've left it so late?

Can he do his tie? If not teach him the loop over the head trick quickly!

alrightfella · 02/09/2021 08:21

You can get the no tie laces for pe trainers and football boots. They are a series of elasticated strips that you swop the laces for. Great for quick shoe change and these would be acceptable at secondary. not for his actual school shoes though

Original poster
amiasheep · 02/09/2021 08:24

Didn't think it would be a problem. We have always focused on the things that matter most to him, laces/shoes never have. We have talked about it.

OP posts:
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