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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a back up school bag?!

93 replies

amiasheep · 31/08/2021 00:11

11 year old son chose a Smiggle bag for school. I suggested it was too young and he looked a bit hurt as he really liked it. So we bought it and I said it was lovely (it is).
I have just now ordered a bog standard black Nike one to tuck away as back up and I'm feeling guilty for not getting on board with individuality etc.

I'm not particularly conventional so not sure why I try to make him "fit it".

(It won't go to waste, I am in need of a new bag for walks etc)

OP posts:
DifficultBloodyWoman · 31/08/2021 00:15

I think I would’ve done the same.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 31/08/2021 00:15

Definitely have a back up because in my experience Smiggle stuff is likely to break/snap/fall apart after a few uses!

RagzReturnsRebooted · 31/08/2021 00:15

I think that was really sensible. He may like his Smuggle one for a few weeks then realise all the other kids have more plain ones and want that instead. This way you already have a back up and a way of not making him feel bad about it.
Well done!

RagzReturnsRebooted · 31/08/2021 00:15

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Definitely have a back up because in my experience Smiggle stuff is likely to break/snap/fall apart after a few uses!
Was also going to say this too!
Original poster
amiasheep · 31/08/2021 00:20

I am glad this seems sensible, I thought I was being over the top or shallow. It's difficult letting them work stuff out for themselves at times.

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 31/08/2021 03:10

Well I don’t think it’s unreasonable per se, but why buy a new bag when he already has one? If his breaks you could buy a new one if and when necessary, rather than buying a spare just in case he then doesn’t like his.

WhiskyIrnBru · 31/08/2021 03:33

We've literally just had this same situation op. My daughter is quite young and she loves Smiggle. We had a look at bags and tbh, the ones she picked out were very 'young'. We did manage to find a big else where that was more suitable. I felt terrible because I don't want her to feel obligated to conform but children are cruel and anything that singles you out as different doesn't help.

plus Smiggle are overpriced tosh!

Original poster
amiasheep · 31/08/2021 07:50

I felt terrible because I don't want her to feel obligated to conform but children are cruel and anything that singles you out as different doesn't help that was my thinking. I guess what I actually wants is for my children to feel ok being themselves long term but it's difficult to resist making things easy.

OP posts:
lollipoprainbow · 31/08/2021 07:56

I got my dd9 a smiggle bag for Her birthday but on reflection it's too young for her and too bulky! She picked out a hype one that she loves and is more grown up. I'm now desperately trying to sell the barely used smiggle bag as it was so bloody expensive ! Lesson learnt for the future.

Cattitudes · 31/08/2021 08:00

I think I might have done the same. Yr7 is all about fitting in and even my more quirky child tried a little to fit in. By yr9 it probably won't matter and having a smiggle bag will be seen as retro-ironic. In yr7 even those who are individualists will try a little to fit in until they identify others who are like them whom they can relax around. Can you afford to keep the smiggle bag for him for weekends and going away? I would be tempted to send him with the Nike bag at first, say the other one will get trashed going to school every day.

reluctantbrit · 31/08/2021 08:07

For Y7 it is difficult, I personally hate smiggle but more for the really bad quality.

I would have done the same, I agree with @Cattitudes they are desperate not to stand out.

DD learned that it is ok to be quirky and bring a Harry Potter lunchbag in but that was after everyone got to know each other better and they know that she is a huge fan and it becomes ok to have something out of the norm.

Original poster
amiasheep · 31/08/2021 08:40

He is generally ok at being individual but he hasn't encountered teenagers yet! It's interesting to hear other children's experience. DS is looking forward to finding kids who aren't into football as that was impossible at primary school. Having it as a weekend bag is a good idea.

OP posts:
MaryTalbot · 31/08/2021 08:56

It’s hard as you want they to do what they want and not go down gender stereotypes etc but not want them bullied either.

I remember my parents handing down uniform from my sister to me and it was horrendous they bought her new uniform and I was called ‘holy Mary’. One awful year I went to get shoes and my parents insisted on the brown shoes as they were cheaper (I was about 12) and I went into school (big posh grammar school) and there was a huge peg area in the girls changing room and you went in and hung your coat etc up and as I went around the corner huge laughs from about 20 years and they all said ‘We all had a bet who was going to turn up in turd shoes and we all thought no one would dare and yet we have a contender for the shit student of the year’ I was known as turd all year. School bullies are awful.
My eldest just doesn’t care and never has and chooses what shoes she wants - etc so recently we looked at girls shoes and she wasn’t interested she sniffed and went to the boys section and chose a pair of them as she has a walk to school and wants sensible shoes. All of her 5 friends have got similar types of shoes - all fine. She can hold her own.

My youngest went from infant to junior for the taster days and took his book bag and he was sad as everyone else had a rucksack - being new we didn’t realise this was the ‘deal’ infants = book bag junior = rucksack and we went immediately that evening to buy one.

I really do think you have done the right thing and it’s great that you have it - useful for pe kit etc anyway!

I always keep a spare rucksack for mine as they always break.

halcyondays · 31/08/2021 08:58

I would have waited because if he does decide he doesn’t want to use the Smiggle bag, he’d probably want to choose another bag himself.

Glittertwins · 31/08/2021 09:12

Never had a problem with a Smiggle bag lasting 3 years at primary school however a back up at secondary is a very good idea since there will be idiots who think it's a good idea to yank down on a backpack and destroy it.
This happened to DS and it was a proper laptop suitable / heavy duty as I have exactly the same one for work.

JacquelineCarlyle · 31/08/2021 09:18

@Cattitudes

I think I might have done the same. Yr7 is all about fitting in and even my more quirky child tried a little to fit in. By yr9 it probably won't matter and having a smiggle bag will be seen as retro-ironic. In yr7 even those who are individualists will try a little to fit in until they identify others who are like them whom they can relax around. Can you afford to keep the smiggle bag for him for weekends and going away? I would be tempted to send him with the Nike bag at first, say the other one will get trashed going to school every day.
I think this is very true!
Whatwouldscullydo · 31/08/2021 09:21

Note for next time. Tell him you won't be buying a bag that is poor quality and won't last and he can have what he wants as long as its practical and will actually take the books etc that it needs too.

This has served me reasonably well. I try to avoid novelty fashion bags as they are usually useless

alrightfella · 31/08/2021 09:23

Is he going into yr7?

I would be surprised if he lasts more than a day with a smiggle bag!!!

JudgeRindersMinder · 31/08/2021 09:29

@amiasheep

I am glad this seems sensible, I thought I was being over the top or shallow. It's difficult letting them work stuff out for themselves at times.
It’s not OTT or shallow, it’s the best of both worlds, if it turns out he feels he’s made the “wrong” choice, you’ve got his back-it’s a nice thing to do if you’re in a position to do it
exLtEveDallas · 31/08/2021 09:29

My DD rang me from the toilets at about 11am on her first day of Year 7 (when only Year 7 and Year 10 were in school) because she’d been given grief about her school PE bag. I met her at lunchtime and swapped her black with a pink strap messenger bag for a plain black drawstring bag. Year 7 can be brutal.

Original poster
amiasheep · 31/08/2021 09:38

I'm a bit surprised at the quality comments as my children have had Smiggle bags last a couple of years, although they don't get much use I guess.

Secondary school does sound brutal!! DS has a number of physical health issues that mean he has developed pretty good resilience, and is used to being a bit different. Primary school is such a nice homely environment though.

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 31/08/2021 09:43

I wouldn't worry about it on a " piss taking " basis. The "right bag" does not deter anyone from being a dick.

But they do have lot of walking around to do and lockers seem to be on a first come.first served here's 20 quid basis.

The bags take a battering Hmm

zingally · 31/08/2021 09:50

I think that's very sensible.

I'm a primary school teacher, and would very much see Smiggle as something the younger junior school ages like... ages 7-9.

Marmelace · 31/08/2021 09:55

You are a great mum, don't second guess your decision. I'm thinking back to my carrier bag now, it was the 80s though 😆

hartwood · 31/08/2021 10:01

I would have done the same. As someone who had unconventional parents your son may well thank you one day. I still cringe at my mum presenting me with a hiking backpack she had dragged out of the loft for my first day in year 7.

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