Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To have a back up school bag?!

93 replies

amiasheep · 31/08/2021 00:11

11 year old son chose a Smiggle bag for school. I suggested it was too young and he looked a bit hurt as he really liked it. So we bought it and I said it was lovely (it is).
I have just now ordered a bog standard black Nike one to tuck away as back up and I'm feeling guilty for not getting on board with individuality etc.

I'm not particularly conventional so not sure why I try to make him "fit it".

(It won't go to waste, I am in need of a new bag for walks etc)

OP posts:

pecanmix · 31/08/2021 10:03

@MaryTalbot

It’s hard as you want they to do what they want and not go down gender stereotypes etc but not want them bullied either.

I remember my parents handing down uniform from my sister to me and it was horrendous they bought her new uniform and I was called ‘holy Mary’. One awful year I went to get shoes and my parents insisted on the brown shoes as they were cheaper (I was about 12) and I went into school (big posh grammar school) and there was a huge peg area in the girls changing room and you went in and hung your coat etc up and as I went around the corner huge laughs from about 20 years and they all said ‘We all had a bet who was going to turn up in turd shoes and we all thought no one would dare and yet we have a contender for the shit student of the year’ I was known as turd all year. School bullies are awful.
My eldest just doesn’t care and never has and chooses what shoes she wants - etc so recently we looked at girls shoes and she wasn’t interested she sniffed and went to the boys section and chose a pair of them as she has a walk to school and wants sensible shoes. All of her 5 friends have got similar types of shoes - all fine. She can hold her own.

My youngest went from infant to junior for the taster days and took his book bag and he was sad as everyone else had a rucksack - being new we didn’t realise this was the ‘deal’ infants = book bag junior = rucksack and we went immediately that evening to buy one.

I really do think you have done the right thing and it’s great that you have it - useful for pe kit etc anyway!

I always keep a spare rucksack for mine as they always break.

Aw that's awful, that must have been so horrible for you :(

BikeRunSki · 31/08/2021 10:13

DS’s birthday was 3 days after he moved up (her we go to middle school at Y6). He started school with his old bag, and requested a new one for his birthday! He chose a Hype one, but a more teenage design. He’s still using it, 13 next week.

Boredhimtodeath · 31/08/2021 10:21

This is so sad!

By any chance is the Nike bag bigger? Can you claim he should use that on the first day because he might be given lots to carry and then he might notice other not having smiggle bags?

Also, to reassure you! Lots of kids have smiggle pencil cases/stationary at my school and the others seem jealous of it, including me! I’ve not noticed smiggle bags though.

DogFoodPie · 31/08/2021 10:48

I think it's fine. Hopefully the bag will be fine but a spare bag may come in handy anyway. My dd had a second bag she used for trips and sleepovers.

THisbackwithavengeance · 31/08/2021 10:58

My DD is taking an actual large black handbag in as that is apparently what they will all have.

She had earmarked my Ted Baker large satchel but funnily enough, I said no and we have now settled on a particularly cheap and nasty looking Matalan bag that will no doubt last 5 minutes.

knobblykneesandturnedouttoes · 31/08/2021 10:58

It's worth having a spare anyway so if a strap breaks or it gets soaked in the rain, there's a back up available.

But personally I dread the day my daughter takes an interest in smiggle. The same kind of dread as I feel about LOL dolls, poppits, soft play birthday parties etc

0palescent · 31/08/2021 11:29

I also think you did the right thing. Plain black backpacks seem to be what most boys use at high school here, and a Smiggle one would probably stand out. Your DS might very well be more than happy with his, I hope that's the case, but you've not done any harm having an alternative there too.

tiredanddangerous · 31/08/2021 11:33

YANBU. Smiggle bags seem to be very much Year 4 and below in dds primary. I think he'll probably last a day with it unfortunately.

UserStillatLarge · 31/08/2021 11:34

I wouldn't have bought a back up. If he decides he doesn't want the smiggle bag and you produce another one that you bought just in case, you're basically saying that you'd expected him to "fail". Why not wait for him to decide he doesn't want the bag (if he does) and then get another one?

BoomChicka · 31/08/2021 12:26

I've had all this with my year 7, it's a fine line between letting them have what they like and not wanting them to stand out too much immediately.. I remember how brutal high school was for some kids, and dd has other issues to contend with so I've steered her towards the mainstream shoes and bag. Don't feel guilty! My mum was oblivious to trends and I had to beg and plead for the "right" stuff, this way is better I think

Willdoitlater · 31/08/2021 12:34

I think he will appreciate that you 'had his back' on this one. Personally, I still remember and resent the times an older, wiser person didn’t step in to stop me or my friends making fools of ourselves. (Or in one case inflicting a bully-magnet briefcase on my best friend!)

Glittertwins · 31/08/2021 12:39

@THisbackwithavengeance

My DD is taking an actual large black handbag in as that is apparently what they will all have.

She had earmarked my Ted Baker large satchel but funnily enough, I said no and we have now settled on a particularly cheap and nasty looking Matalan bag that will no doubt last 5 minutes.

If she has a fair distance to walk, it's going to hurt her back to carry it and if it rains, stuff will get wet. I won this particular discussion and it turned out the majority had a backpack style bag anyway.

Kotatsu · 31/08/2021 13:05

really? My 11 year old has a smiggle bag (he always forgets to zip his bags, and they have an opening/structure that means stuff doesn't immediately fall out when he walks with an open bag)

It's got pacman or something on it. No-one's said anything at all.

I would hope that in a school they'd at least make an effort to keep the kids polite and friendly and discourage bullying for something as simple as a schoolbag, but perhaps I'm naive and have just been lucky with my kids' schools.

Kotatsu · 31/08/2021 13:07

(oh, and it's been in use for over a year - skipping the covid break - and is still totally fine this year, so it's not all tat from there)

DogFoodPie · 31/08/2021 13:10

No need to tell him you bought the other bag just in case his smiggle one didn't fit in. Just say you've heard it's good to keep a spare bag for secondary school.

autummvibes · 31/08/2021 13:19

I wouldn't be allowing a year 7 to go into school with a Smiggle bag. The first year is all about finding your feet. Most children walking in with a bag like that will be ridiculed and wouldn't stand a chance from day one. I couldn't do that to my child.
School politics are shit but it is what it is. Whether we agree with it or not I wouldn't want to make an example of my child, it's not us who has to deal with the next 5 years. You've done the right thing buying a different bag.

Hankunamatata · 31/08/2021 13:42

We are lucky high school insist on a relatively plain black bag. And junior have their own branded school bags

nicky2512 · 31/08/2021 13:49

I would have done exactly the same.
School can be hard enough!

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 31/08/2021 13:53

@MaryTalbot I'm so sorry that happened to you. We were dirt poor and I used to get hand me downs passed down from 4 sisters before me, so ripped clothes and holy shoes. I never had the pencils or colours with me and could never go on school trips etc and I know it wasn't my parents fault, but I was so embarrassed and am probably overly conscious of what my own kids have going to school. But to have your parents knowingly low you to go through that is so sad, and I hope things got easier for you.

Op I 100% think you did the right thing, peer pressure and bullying is never OK of course, but kids will say something and if there is an easy way for that to be stopped eg giving him another bag to use instead, then that's what you should do.

reluctantbrit · 31/08/2021 14:09

@THisbackwithavengeance our Head Teacher banned handbags for Y7-9 but when we got DD’s book list for Y10 there was no way she would be able to use a handbag anyway, the maths one alone weighs a ton.

I think school do try and keep remarks and bullying in school under a certain control but you can’t always overhear the children, our school has 240 girls per year.

And then there is the walk to and from school unfortunately.

JudgeRindersMinder · 01/09/2021 11:12

[quote reluctantbrit]@THisbackwithavengeance our Head Teacher banned handbags for Y7-9 but when we got DD’s book list for Y10 there was no way she would be able to use a handbag anyway, the maths one alone weighs a ton.

I think school do try and keep remarks and bullying in school under a certain control but you can’t always overhear the children, our school has 240 girls per year.

And then there is the walk to and from school unfortunately.[/quote]
That head teacher needs to be thanked! When the handbag craze came in about 10 years ago my dd who was about 14 at the time had one, with the obligatory carrying it in the crook of her arm….she ended up needing physio as she had totally unbalanced the muscles in her back because of it!
She then chose to use a rucksack

Hemingwaycat · 01/09/2021 11:17

I wouldn’t have bought the smiggle one personally. For starters the quality is absolutely shite, they just don’t last at all. My DD’s went through a smiggle phase a couple of years ago and I’m glad they’ve outgrown it because everything I bought broke within weeks. The water bottles are the worst of all, just awful.

Secondly I think he’ll be picked on for it in secondary school. It’s all about fitting in and most boys will have plain black backpacks like your back up one. My DS is starting next week and he has a black Hype one.

reluctantbrit · 01/09/2021 12:41

@JudgeRindersMinder The HT had a teen daughter as well and I think that was the reason.

DH ended up with chest pain Sturheit A&E due to s pulled chest muscle from wearing a laptop bag over one shoulder. We are all converted backpack carrier.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/09/2021 12:47

@Kanaloa

Well I don’t think it’s unreasonable per se, but why buy a new bag when he already has one? If his breaks you could buy a new one if and when necessary, rather than buying a spare just in case he then doesn’t like his.

Assuming he's about to start secondary he'll need a new bag from day two after he realises he will get teased to crap for having a smiggle bag. No it shouldn't be that way but it is.

Mamette · 01/09/2021 12:48

@hartwood

I would have done the same. As someone who had unconventional parents your son may well thank you one day. I still cringe at my mum presenting me with a hiking backpack she had dragged out of the loft for my first day in year 7.

Oh god, you have just unlocked a repressed memory. When I was about 6 and starting at a new school, my mother insisted I use this brown leather satchel 😫 because it was sturdy and the same as the one she had when she was a girl. Everyone else had Snoopy things!

OP, is there not a happy medium between Smiggle and plain black Nike? Maybe wait and then if DS wants to change he could pick his own?

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread