Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving ill child alone !

94 replies

kenqpr37 · 30/08/2021 21:25

I have just discovered that my 17yr old daughter resides with my ex-wife. Aware she had Covid after attending a festival but when she got home the mother moved out to her boyfriend for a week and left her alone. Called each day but only left provisions for a few days.
Just wanted to get other people's perspective on this ?

OP posts:
SillyBub · 30/08/2021 21:28

Is she actually that unwell? That makes all the difference for me.

PumpkinKlNG · 30/08/2021 21:32

I was living alone at 16! Is this real?

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 30/08/2021 21:35

She isn't a child, she's 17! She can legally marry or join the armed forces ffs.

Unless she is literally lying there, struggling for breath I don't see why she needs babysitting?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/08/2021 21:38

It seems sensible to leave someone with covid at home. Yes, she’s legally a child but she’s old enough to look after herself.

I’d be sending food provisions though, either shopping or takeaways, or dropping off provisions myself.

Hopefully the 17 yo isn’t too ill? Also can you drop round some provisions, as her other parent?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/08/2021 21:38

Also, where did you think she lived?

Tiana4 · 30/08/2021 21:39

You've just discovered your 17 DD lives with your ex wife??

Also What's your alternative plan here though? If we all say yanbu ? That you'll race down to whisk 17 yo DD back to yours? That you'll tell Exw off? There's nothing much you can do about it

Presumably DD aged 17 could have told her mum if she didn't want to be alone.

I agree it doesn't sound great - I wouldn't leave any of my DCs or adults in my household alone if they had Covid, just incase and also as I'd want to look after them (I'm CEV so it's a risk to me but ...)

If you're looking to have a rant about it go for it, but you don't sound very involved parent if you have only just found out where your DD is living.

Anon778833 · 30/08/2021 21:39

17 is nearly an adult. When someone has covid, they actually should be alone if at all possible.

I am sure her mother is checking in on her to make sure she's ok.

Nicknacky · 30/08/2021 21:39

Did you not know where she lived?

And was she actually ill?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 30/08/2021 21:41

What do you mean you've only just found out that your daughter lives with your ex wife? Where did you think she was living?

BikeRunSki · 30/08/2021 21:42

You’ve recently found out that your daughter lives with your ex wife?

Whatever.

Is your daughter actually unwell? Or asymptotic but testing positive?

MadeOfStarStuff · 30/08/2021 21:42

YABU

I’m going to assume you haven’t only just discovered you’d child lives with your ex Hmm

She’s 17. She could live on her own. Her mum is checking on her daily. She’ll be fine.

If you’re that concerned, you could pick her up and have her stay with you.

PepsiHoover · 30/08/2021 21:42

Where did you think she lived all of this time? Why doesn't she live with you? If you are so concerned, why are you not driving to go and get her instead of bitching about the ex on the Internet?

Piffle11 · 30/08/2021 21:44

I’m presuming that either English isn’t your first language, or you have your words mixed up, and what you mean is that you have just discovered that your daughter, who lives with your ex-wife has been left alone. I can see exactly where you’re coming from… I know someone who caught Covid and was seemingly fine… decided to from home, just had a bit of a cough, and within 3 days of a positive test was on a ventilator at the local hospital. He’d come downstairs one morning, planning on working at the kitchen table, and had taken ill … He tried to get back upstairs to bed, and collapsed. Luckily, his wife was there and called an ambulance. If your daughter has been left alone and this happened, who would be keeping an eye on her? I can’t really imagine leaving anyone alone when they have COVID, whether they are a child, a competent teen, or an adult.

Original poster
kenqpr37 · 30/08/2021 21:51

My words were mixed up. I indeed know she is residing with my ex but was not aware she was left to her own devices whilst ill. Yes ! she tested positive for Covid at the time but is now clear.

For reference the ex wife is a nurse !

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 30/08/2021 21:53

So was she ill?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 30/08/2021 21:55

OK. So it's really important your ex wife doesn't catch Covid isn't it, if she's a nurse.

Go and get your dd and bring her to yours if your worried. I personally wouldn't be worried though.

I'd be more worried about her going to the festival to be honest.

Have you sent food deliveries and takeaways over for her?

Christmasfairy2020 · 30/08/2021 21:55

Shes 17? She isn't a baby. My mum sure as he'll didn't baby me. I think your jealous ex wife has gone to the bfs house more than you are about daughter been alone. Have you remarried do you have a partner

Christmasfairy2020 · 30/08/2021 21:56

Why was she allowed at a festival full of drugs, snagging god knows who in their tent? If she is not allowed to be left alone. ?

Original poster
kenqpr37 · 30/08/2021 21:58

My words were mixed up naturally I know where she is living. And although I was informed she had covid and with the ex being a nurse thought she would be taken good care off.

Only to discover she left her to her own devices. My daughter sent me a text was not fully aware till now of the implications. It was not to have a 'bitch' as you put it but just to gauge reactions/comments and what is expected as the norm in these situations.

OP posts:
Hekatestorch · 30/08/2021 21:58

My 17 year old wasn't really ill when she tested positive.

She certainly didn't need me around 24/7.

Has her mother moved out so she can continue to work? And not risk catching it?

I imagine she needs to maintain her own bills.

OhWhyNot · 30/08/2021 21:58

I wouldn’t leave ds alone (single parent)

Spending all that time isolated can lower someone’s mood

I love time alone but when unwell I like a bit of being taken care of. She may not be unwell but still has to isolate

Hekatestorch · 30/08/2021 22:00

And although I was informed she had covid and with the ex being a nurse thought she would be taken good care off.

And did what? To help? Practical stuff?

Or just assume your ex wife, would be fine risking not being able to work and pick up all the donkey work?

I take it, yoh are on your way to pick up your daughter amd bring her to yours and care for her?

thelastgoldeneagle · 30/08/2021 22:00

Well, if your ex is a nurse then she knows what she's doing, doesn't she? It's fine. Did your dd have any symptoms?

Smartiepants79 · 30/08/2021 22:00

Still depends on how ill your DD was and also did your daughter mind?

Mintjulia · 30/08/2021 22:04

She's 17, most definitely not a child. And I'm sure your wife, a nurse, is capable of deciding whether she is well enough to leave on her own.

Presumably she has a phone and could call if necessary.

From what I've seen of covid, sufferers are very tired and need to sleep. She'll be fine.

Swipe left for the next trending thread