Leaving ill child alone !

[kenqpr37]

I have just discovered that my 17yr old daughter resides with my ex-wife. Aware she had Covid after attending a festival but when she got home the mother moved out to her boyfriend for a week and left her alone. Called each day but only left provisions for a few days.
Just wanted to get other people's perspective on this ?

In fact it was me who left the marriage and pay generous allowances.
I think you’ll find that’s called supporting your child.

Also, staying alone by yourself for 10 days, unable to speak with literally any other person is quite a lot for a young person who had gone through a pandemic. If they are mentally absolutely fine and there's no issues, and they get covid mildly, it's fine. There's lots about that scenario that could be quite different though, if they had MH difficulties, or just felt very unwell with covid. Perhaps the mum was checking more regularly and felt both those things were fine, but it wouldn't be for me.

OP - I guess you will be popping over to pick her up and take her to your house given that you are concerned?

Ok. We don't know how ill the dd is. I can see the POV of some people that deterioration can happen quickly etc. OTOH you can test positive but not be ill.

But people have repeatedly asked why the dad hasn't cared for her if he is so concerned?

It certainly seems like a case of point scoring to me. Especially combined with the boyfriend and the maintenance comments.

I agree it does seem like point scoring, and it may be the mum was texting constantly for updates as well. That said, I was happy once we got a few days into my dd having covid to realise she wasn't that seriously ill and I did feel I could leave for a few hours. I wouldn't have gone to work though in those early couple of days- they need food, drink, medicine, everything. Many students who fell ill really struggled, and relied on housemates, whereas this girl will have been alone.

@Hekatestorch If you’re separated, and it’s your partner’s time with your child, then I’m pretty sure you can assume that they’re looking after them. Of course I don’t have the data about every 17 year old has been badly affected by Covid… But neither do you. But I think any sensible person knows that none of us know how this will affect us. Millions of people have died from Covid: there’s a fair chance that the majority thought it would never affect them in this way. There are people living with long Covid… We do not know the full implications as yet. And that’s the point – we do not know. What I am saying is: I would not leave my child alone when ill with COVID. Like I said in my first post: I know someone who tested positive or tested positive for Covid and was seemingly fine, and yet within 72 hours he was on a ventilator in the local hospital. If his wife had not been in the house with him, to witness him collapse, I have no idea what would’ve happened to him. Yes, he wasn’t a 17-year-old, but like I say we don’t know how it will affect each individual, do we? I think you are getting hung up on the fact that you think the Op is a bad father, where as I am getting hung up on the fact that it seems the DM left the child alone without telling OP what was going on.

@Piffle11 I usually am on here .

@Christmasfairy2020 I'm sorry you were treated badly as a sick child, it's clearly stayed with you, but it's not a race to the bottom .

@Hekatestorch I think you should maybe re-read the thread from the beginning. Point scoring or not, the OP clearly says they were "not aware she was left to her own devices whilst ill". So OP found out since their DD recovered. Whatever the OP's motivations for posting, you are misrepresenting what they have said.

[quote Piffle11]**@Hekatestorch* If you’re separated, and it’s your partner’s time with your child, then I’m pretty sure you can assume that they’re looking after them. Of course I don’t have the data about every 17 year old has been badly affected by Covid… But neither do you. But I think any sensible person knows that none of us know how this will affect us. Millions of people have died from Covid: there’s a fair chance that the majority thought it would never affect them in this way. There are people living with long Covid… We do not know the full implications as yet. And that’s the point – we do not know*. What I am saying is: I would not leave my child alone when ill with COVID. Like I said in my first post: I know someone who tested positive or tested positive for Covid and was seemingly fine, and yet within 72 hours he was on a ventilator in the local hospital. If his wife had not been in the house with him, to witness him collapse, I have no idea what would’ve happened to him. Yes, he wasn’t a 17-year-old, but like I say we don’t know how it will affect each individual, do we? I think you are getting hung up on the fact that you think the Op is a bad father, where as I am getting hung up on the fact that it seems the DM left the child alone without telling OP what was going on.[/quote]
No you can't assume teh other parent is doing it in the way you would want them too.

No I don't. But I am not the one claiming it happens. You did. I said if it hasn't happened so far, the chances are minute of it happening in this case.

Again, someone you know collapsing has nothing to do with this case. My aunty was admitted to hospital and ventilated. Her daughter and husband, didn't think it was bad enough for an ambulance. Mum spoke to them o the phone and called herself.

So does that mean anyone living with a husband and daughter, aren't safe?

My dad once collapsed getting ready for work. If me and mum hadn't been there, he may have not got help in time. He is still left alone.

Again, the Op washed their hands of the situation. So they weren't going to be kept updated.

The exwife would still be going to work. The op knows her job is a nurse. The op isn't concerned about a fast decline. Because they werent offering to check on the dd or take time off or share the load?

Its just up to the woman to take time off work?

Any parent who thinks their child may possibly be very ill and goes 'ah well it's the other parents problem' isn't a great parent. So they have a cheek being outraged at the other parent making a decision on how they feel it's right to deal with it.

*HekatestorchI think you should maybe re-read the thread from the beginning. Point scoring or not, the OP clearly says they were "not aware she was left to her own devices whilst ill". So OP found out since their DD recovered. Whatever the OP's motivations for posting, you are misrepresenting what they have said.

No I am not. The op assumed the exwife would be the one to deal with it. The absolved themselves of all responsibility.

Had the Op actually been involved, they would have known.

What support did they offer while the dd had covid. We don't know she was actually sick?

The op knew the exwife would still be working. Did they offer to stay with the dd while the mother working? Or did op just assume she would not go to work and still not offer support?

They avoided the question, so I am guessing non.

It doesn't matter when they found out. They weren't involved in the care for the dd at all.

@Hekatestorch What???? I know it’s late, but you’re not even making sense anymore! OP didn’t know his DD had been left alone until after the event, and that’s what he’s upset about. Justifiably, IMO. People with Covid can deteriorate rapidly, depending on whether there’s people there or not. Better to have people that they’re not though surely, (apart from your relations obviously). We are not talking about people being left alone, the Op is saying his DD was left alone without his knowledge. He is saying he would have done something had he known. I’m going to bed now, but please feel free to reply – I’m sure you will – and I will get back to you in the morning

And can I just add – generous allowances – I really don’t think that any native English speaker would use this wording, so give the OP a break regarding how they phrase things.

Ffs again.

The op had been if ormed she had covid.

If op was worried about her deterioting rapidly, what was their plan for when the mother was at work?

If I was worried my child was at their father's and he had to work, I would be going over or bringing the child here. Or making arrangements for us both to take time off.

It doesn't matter that the OP knew after. I am talking about during. He knew she had covid

Either op didn't think they would deteriorate quickly or assumed the mother was just going to not work. Like nurses can just not go in.

Op knows his exwife is a nurse. He knows she needs to go to work. But did nothing to ensure his dd was looked after during the periods. So sudden collapsing or sudden deterioration wasn't his concern.

Which was your whole point. That the dd could have deterioted so quickly, they could call for help. Thats your concern not ops.

Its not difficult to understand. Op knew she would be left alone at certain points but made no effort to support or care for his daughter himself.

Or his is a dick who assumed unpaid time off is the other parents responsibility.

So once you learnt she was alone you went and collected her right?

Not entirely sure what you are asking if YABU about, or not

However, nor am I sure of the issue here. If your dd is old enough to go to a festival, and all the potential dangers there, then she is old enough to be on her own at home presumably.
If your ex-wife works at a nurse, she isn't able to risk being infected at home, if she had an alternative place she could be.
As so many have said, people are affected very differently by COVID. 'Testing positive' for many - indeed, overwhelmingly 'most' young people means a few days of feeling poorly, or 'under the weather', usually along with loosing taste and smell. Thousands of students - many of whom will have been just a few months older than your dd isolated themselves away at university when they tested positive. Bored ? yes

Frustrated? yes
Fed up? yes
But in any danger? no

@kenqpr37

Think I would pay someone to take her on so jealousy paid no part at ill. In fact it was me who left the marriage and pay generous allowances.

Well aren't you a saint 🙄

Translation;I left my wife and child and I pay CM so I want a pat are the back.

Get over yourself@kenqpr37 I left my 17 year for a week when I went on holiday;am I a neglectful parent?

You do realise that even if your ex was in the house you DD would have to isolate in her bedroom away from your ex anyway right?

We don't exactly see you offering to go stay with your covid infested DD now do we?

What you wanted us all to do is tell you your ex is an unreasonable selfish bitch and your criticism of her is justified.

By the way if your DD is old enough to be at a festival alone then she's old enough to take care of herself if she's unwell.

@grandmashotdoodlebugs

You're a twat. You're welcome

😂😂😂👏👏👏

Well, the OP has admitted he wouldn't have taken his DD in to take care of her- he claims he would've hired someone . Not sure what sort of help he had in mind.

Also, didn't he talk at all with his DD for a minimum of 10 days (isolation period) as then surely she would've mentioned what's going on at least as part of general conversation. If nothing else, the fact she couldn't go out anywhere etc.

Also, a couple of posters keep mentioning that people can quickly decline. My mum and I live together and both caught Covid recently and even though we're in the same house and she was quite unwell (and asthmatic) I still didn't stay with her constantly so something could've happened with me there as well.

So you take her home with you? She's 17. Is being checked on daily. Obviously didn't initially inform you, and the mother is a nurse who doesn't want or need to take it into work with her. Sorry. You are being unreasonable.

She's 17, capable (presumably) of looking after herself. Covid can be different for different people, she may have felt fine, in which case, would she need any supervision? If she was incredibly poorly the n she would be in hospital.

I think you need a bit of a reality check here.