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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect some money back

83 replies

Bonezzz4 · 30/08/2021 21:24

Partner is unwell, he has Covid and we dont live together. I’m buying him bits and pieces everyday, food, getting takeaways and cooking food for him also travelling to his sometimes twice a day to give him items. It’s clocking up money wise. AIBU to want some money from him going forwards?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 30/08/2021 21:25

Have you asked him for any? What’s the dynamic usually like between you both for spending money?

Original poster
Bonezzz4 · 30/08/2021 21:27

Haven’t asked him as he’s unwell but he’s not bedridden. The dynamic is that we both pay our own way.

OP posts:
Ifyouarehappyandyouknowit21 · 30/08/2021 21:27

Of course YANBU. You should feel comfortable enough to tell him that you need some money to pay for his items, going forward.

roses2 · 30/08/2021 21:28

He's not a mind reader. If you want money then ask him.

GileadTurnsYouIntoABitOfACunt · 30/08/2021 21:29

Ask him for it! Surely he's well enough and able to do a quick bank transfer?
How long have you been together?

billy1966 · 30/08/2021 21:29

Of course you should.

I would be surprised he hasn't offered.

You are being very kind doing so much.

Tiana4 · 30/08/2021 21:29

"Darling, I can't keep buying all your food and supplies. Here are the receipts can you pay me back please. Happy to pick them for you and cook some meals for you whilst you are unwell. Shall i help you set up online shopping for yourself?"

Notaroadrunner · 30/08/2021 21:29

Tell him you need him to transfer some money to you in order to continue buying his food, if you are willing to do so. Surely if he's well enough to eat a takeaway he's well enough to order/pay online. Or suggest he orders from Tesco or similar if he needs food. He can get a few ready meals for the microwave.

Needsleep32 · 30/08/2021 21:30

Hmm… I wouldn’t want money, unless I particularly needed it. A treat from him once recovered, as a thank you, would be nice though.

gardeninggirl68 · 30/08/2021 21:30

how are you managing work? have you taken time off to care for him?

RedHelenB · 30/08/2021 21:31

If he's a partner and unwell I wouldn't be asking for money personally.

phishy · 30/08/2021 21:32

YANBU, ask him to transfer money or borrow his debit card.

GileadTurnsYouIntoABitOfACunt · 30/08/2021 21:32

roses2

He's not a mind reader. If you want money then ask him

He doesn't need to be a mindreader though, does he? He must know that all this is costing the OP money. And time. Would you not think to pay the costs if someone was doing this for you?

Original poster
Bonezzz4 · 30/08/2021 21:33

gardeninggirl68- working and fitting him in. Then going back late evening to drop evening meal. It’s not sustainable. I’m tired.
Tiana4- good idea
Been together 3 years

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 30/08/2021 21:33

When you have offered to go to the shops why has he not just gave you his debit card ?

coodawoodashooda · 30/08/2021 21:34

@Needsleep32

Hmm… I wouldn’t want money, unless I particularly needed it. A treat from him once recovered, as a thank you, would be nice though.
This. I wouldn't mind doing it but if a reciprocal gesture wasn't forthcoming once he was better it would be a deal breaker for me.
Original poster
Bonezzz4 · 30/08/2021 21:34

pumpkinpie01- I was thinking the same.
I Just wanted some other opinions.

OP posts:
ThreeLittleDots · 30/08/2021 21:41

Has he asked you to do these things for him? If so he should be reimbursing you, otherwise do ask for a contribution.

Boredhimtodeath · 30/08/2021 21:51

Next time you go why don’t you just suggest you take his card to make it less complicated when it comes to adding it up when he’s feeling better.

Then you aren’t spending any more and he realises it’s not all a treat.

NotYourCupOfTea · 30/08/2021 21:55

Has he asked you to do all this?

Surely he can order takeaways / get a food shop delivered himself Confused

dcilovett · 30/08/2021 22:01

He's your partner of three years and he's not well. Take care of him and if you can't afford to buy what's needed, let him know so he can give you his card or get access to some cash.
I am frequently blown away by the rigid thinking and lack of give and take that MNetters tolerate in their relationships.

MyPatronusIsACat · 30/08/2021 22:03

@dcilovett

He's your partner of three years and he's not well. Take care of him and if you can't afford to buy what's needed, let him know so he can give you his card or get access to some cash. I am frequently blown away by the rigid thinking and lack of give and take that MNetters tolerate in their relationships.
Agree!
MyPatronusIsACat · 30/08/2021 22:15

@Bonezzz4 YABU.

MyPatronusIsACat · 30/08/2021 22:16

@RedHelenB

If he's a partner and unwell I wouldn't be asking for money personally.
Me neither.
MyPatronusIsACat · 30/08/2021 22:16

@Bonezzz4

gardeninggirl68- working and fitting him in. Then going back late evening to drop evening meal. It’s not sustainable. I’m tired.

Been together 3 years

I hate to be THAT person, but to be honest, it doesn't sound like you like him very much. Confused

You sound rather resentful towards him because you are 'having' to help him, (as well as having to sub him/pay for stuff.)

A couple who have been together 3 years should not be feeling this way IMO.

This relationship isn't going anywhere. If you loved him, you wouldn't be moaning and sighing, and resenting helping him and caring for him. Sounds like he is a nuisance to you to be perfectly honest. Confused

If you live together, have kids etc, you are NEVER going to cope if you're losing your shit already! End the relationship. Do him - AND yourself a favour.

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