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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect some money back

83 replies

Bonezzz4 · 30/08/2021 21:24

Partner is unwell, he has Covid and we dont live together. I’m buying him bits and pieces everyday, food, getting takeaways and cooking food for him also travelling to his sometimes twice a day to give him items. It’s clocking up money wise. AIBU to want some money from him going forwards?

OP posts:

IloveStrawberrylaces · 30/08/2021 22:17

How unwell is he?. Isn't even capable of rustling up a quick sandwich for himself? Surely you don't need to go twice per day?

Beowoulf · 30/08/2021 22:20

The big question is if he's asked you to do these things or have you just offered? Is he's asked then yes, he should absolutely have reimbursed you for any food/items delivered. If you've simply offered then I'm assuming he has no idea he's required to reimburse you for anything.

Original poster

Bonezzz4 · 30/08/2021 22:22

MyPatronusIsACat
I’m not resentful…if I was I wouldn’t do it

OP posts:

phishy · 30/08/2021 22:24

OP, I’m guessing if the situation was reversed, he would be expecting to be reimbursed?

Original poster

Bonezzz4 · 30/08/2021 22:25

He doesn’t ask, i offer as he is quite stubborn and would probably not eat anything if I didn’t encourage etc. A contribution would be nice. I would definitely offer if it was other way round as I know he’s not rich

OP posts:

Original poster

Bonezzz4 · 30/08/2021 22:26

phishy- I’ve been ill and given him my bank card and he took it. He does try to not pay for things sometimes if we’re out.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bonezzz4 · 30/08/2021 22:26

He’s not bedridden

OP posts:

MolyHolyGuacamole · 30/08/2021 22:27

I couldn't imagine getting food for the person I'm in love with when they're ill and asking to be reimbursed, unless I was a teenager living at home using my pocket money.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 30/08/2021 22:28

@Bonezzz4

He’s not bedridden

Is this the benchmark for being ill? Covid is no walk in the park, and even if he's asymptotic he can hardly leave van he? Good lord, even a cold isn't nice, you feel like shit

Vbree · 30/08/2021 22:28

I'd be a bit insulted to be asked for reimbursement when I was ill. I wouldn't bother if you aren't willing to settle the few quid, especially if he isn't asking you for help.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 30/08/2021 22:29

If he has a history of trying not to pay for things then why on earth have you allowed yourself to get into a position where you are buying food and takeaways for him. I'll ask the same question a PP asked - why can't he order his own food and takeaways?

phishy · 30/08/2021 22:31

@Bonezzz4

phishy- I’ve been ill and given him my bank card and he took it. He does try to not pay for things sometimes if we’re out.

I thought so.

So it’s lively he will try and not pay you for the shopping either.

Ate you cooking for him too? Honestly he sounds like a child, what do you see in him?

phishy · 30/08/2021 22:31

*so it’s likely

Original poster

Bonezzz4 · 30/08/2021 22:32

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe- he has Covid so trying to be helpful but it’s now adding up. I also have 2 children and bills to pay so thought he would realise this and perhaps wrote a shopping list and give me a contribution.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 30/08/2021 22:34

I think it depends on how the relationship works. My now husband and I weren't living together after 3 years but we wouldn't have expected the other to pay for this, it would have 100% have been reciprocated though.

phishy · 30/08/2021 22:35

OP, my ex would refuse to eat. It was childish, exhausting behaviour and I ate lots of meals alone whilst he sulked. It’s no way to live.

MyPatronusIsACat · 30/08/2021 22:36

@Bonezzz4

Bit of a drip feed there.

9 posts in, and you mention you have 2 children!

Hankunamatata · 30/08/2021 22:36

He can order his own takeaways

TractorAndHeadphones · 30/08/2021 22:36

@Bonezzz4

phishy- I’ve been ill and given him my bank card and he took it. He does try to not pay for things sometimes if we’re out.

Is he generous in other ways? I'd never ask for money from a partner - but I wouldn't date someone miserly either. Point out that he used your bank card when ill, so you're only treating him the same way he does you. No harm done. What people on MN think is irrelevant, you treat him how he treats you full stop.

Whether you want to continue to stay with someone like that is another question..

MaggieFS · 30/08/2021 22:36

If it wasn't affecting me financially then I'd carry on and expect him to take me out for a couple of meals or similar to repay the favour and money in future.

Given what you've said about your finances then of course he should contribute.

BUT he's your "partner" so you need to be honest. You've been together for three years and have an established routine for how you work your finances. Why are you waiting for hime to offer? Tell him clearly you can't afford to keep doing his shopping for free. Or point him towards online deliveries!

MyPatronusIsACat · 30/08/2021 22:37

@Bonezzz4 2 children or not, it still sounds like you shouldn't be together. You seem to resent helping him.

TractorAndHeadphones · 30/08/2021 22:37

Also to add - what does 'try not to pay' mean? Does he calculate every bill to the penny? Ask for separate checks?

phishy · 30/08/2021 22:38

@MyPatronusIsACat

Bit of a drip feed there. hmm 9 posts in, and you mention you have 2 children! confused

How is it a drip feed? It’s just additional info.

phishy · 30/08/2021 22:38

[quote MyPatronusIsACat]@Bonezzz4 2 children or not, it still sounds like you shouldn't be together. You seem to resent helping him.[/quote]
Have you actually RTFT?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 30/08/2021 22:39

Are you spending money you should be spending on your children on him instead?

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