I'm I taking advantage of my elderly neighbour?

[Raffleyourdoughnut]

Sorry its a bit of a long one as I don't want to drip feed.

I live in a semi-detached house with good sized front and back garden. The front is just grass and the back has grass and some raised beds with plants and flowers.

My attached next door neighbour is a lady in her late 70s early 80s who now lives alone after her husband died last year. Earlier this year she had a fall (out shopping on her own) and when she was in hospital (she was in about a week as she had an infection unrelated to the fall) her son basically destroyed hard garden. She had grass at the front same as me but at the back she had lots of beautiful ground level plants and flowers and just a wee bit a grass. Her son removed all the grass and replaced it with artificial grass. He removed the plants/flowers and replaced them with artificial grass too. When my neighbours came home she was heartbroken.

So earlier this summer she asked me if she can look after my plants as she missed gardening. Even though my neighbour is elderly she actually have more mobility than I do. My neighbour has been doing bits and pieces in the back garden cutting plants and bushes etc a couple of hours a week each week all summer. As I'm working from home we sometimes stop and have a cup of tea together and a bit of a chat. She seems to be enjoying being able to the garden again.

My neighbour doesn't see her son very often and unfortunately when he came round earlier today, my neighbour was in my garden. He came round shouting about me taking advantage of his mother and that she is too old to garden and I should be paying her for doing my gardening for me. My neighbours seems to be a bit scared of him as she just left with him without saying goodbye. He is still at her house so I haven't spoken to her.

Am I taking advantage? I never thought to offer to pay her. I've taken her to a few garden centres to buy new plants and have afternoon tea, I bought a set so she could sit and garden and I've bought her some craft supplies that I thought she would like as a thank you but I've not given her money. Gardeners round our bit cost about £15 an hour so that's about £30 a week. Should I have paid her?

So not to drop feed. The son owns the house so he can do what he wants with it. She can't stop him. He won't let her have any plants/flowers in the garden (or inside) as he thinks she is to old to be gardening.

My older nieces cut my grass for me for pocket money. They could look after the plants too but my neighbours seems to enjoy doing it.

Aibu?

The son sounds very manipulative

I think you need to speak to the son. He’s clearly did what he did for his mothers benefit, you can’t make assumptions.

His mother is not a child - he shouldn't have destroyed her garden without checking first, and the fact that she was so upset clearly shows he didn't.

It does seem though you’re getting everyone to do your garden dor you for fuck all money, and doing little yourself

Yet another charming remark from this well named poster!! What has the OP's garden got to do with you????

Meh you're not taking advantage of her. She's enjoys gardening as a hobby and no longer has a garden nor flowers to tend to , so she asked to do yours. As much and as little as she wants, it sounds like your good company for her whilst she lives there. Her son was out of order shouting at you.

My 81 year old dad had a fall and broken shoulder. Once he recovered after a year, it Hasn't stopped him enjoying pottering for hours & days in my garden every time he visits. It gives him peace and quiet from my Mum and my DCs.

Anyway you've sorted it now.

@Saoirse82
Exactly this. Couldn't agree more 💐🍷

I wouldn’t offer to pay her, but I’d do her shopping for her, or offer to do something to help her in return.

I can see my mum doing this for a neighbour if she didn’t have her garden. It is really good for her mental health to be in the garden pottering about. She hates winter as she can’t get out there.

That said, if I was concerned about her doing too much, I might have a chat with the neighbour about making sure she doesn’t do too much. If he pulled out her garden, it may well be that he knew she would do too much in the garden.

If she was to fall at yours, the son could sue you

No he couldn’t.

I regularly cook meals for an elderly neighbour, because I enjoy cooking, I know she appreciates it, and it's just a nice thing to do. If she offered to pay, it would totally change the dynamic. My reward is the satisfaction of doing something nice for a neighbour. it's a shame your neighbour's son can't see that

This reminds me of a friend of mine. Her ex used to shout at his mother to ‘get to bed’, whilst living in her house when she was widowed and elderly. He stuck her in a home and took over the house himself not long afterwards. This man sounds like he’s a similar type. Poor lady.