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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to scream "Please give my baby back NOW" to my in-laws

39 replies

ManchesterMummy · 02/12/2007 17:29

Okay I know I'm probably being a bit unreasonable here, but yesterday I had to spend an entire evening watching my poor 7.5-week-old DD being passed from in-law to in-law at a family party. Worst was when MIL sat her by the fire as she'd decided DD was too cold and tried to force-feed her as she'd decided DD's little wimper was hunger. It wasn't. It was "for God's sake give me back to my mummy". Even when the wimper turned into full-blown crying, I still wasn't allowed to take her. DD jiggled and bounced around (which she hates), crying gets worse, so we leave (thank God).

Seriously, is it too much to ask? Give the crying baby back it's parents? I'm a first time mum so every day presents something new (and I'm also prone to not wanting anyone else involved hee hee and first to admit it!), but have I missed something?

OP posts:
MarsLady · 02/12/2007 17:30

YANBU

paulaplumpbottom · 02/12/2007 17:31

You weren't allowed??? Your the mother you are always allowed. Just go and take her if need be. Feel free to be rude if she isn't released into your care

Enigmama · 02/12/2007 17:31

Go and take her back, don't sit there being tortured. Just take her. She's not a box of chocolates, she doesn't have to be shared. Promise that when she is a yappy 4 year old they may have her on their own, for hours at a time.

Original poster
ManchesterMummy · 02/12/2007 17:37

Enigmana - think it might take me more than 4 years to let them look after her!

I heart having in-laws...

OP posts:
IsawBUMPERkissingsantaclaus · 02/12/2007 17:37

YANBU, I would have just taken her back. I know lots of people will probably come on and say YABU, they are family, just trying to help etc., but it is tough enough being a first time mum. In a couple of years you'll forget about it and be desperate to get rid of a boisterous toddler! But it's doesn't make you feel better at the moment.

The first time we had a meet up with the ILs my MIL said well-done to me after everyone else had gone, for being so good about letting everyone hold DD. I did sit in the corner on my hands trying desperately to not be PFB about it. My point is she understood that I might feel funny about it.

fruitful · 02/12/2007 17:37

Just Say No

You are in charge of Access to the Grandchild and the sooner they learn that the better!

Altho Enigmama (great name BTW!) is right - there will come a day when you are very glad to hand them over.

edam · 02/12/2007 17:38

YANBU at all - just decide next time you will be FIRM and just take your baby back. Don't ask. Do it!

tortoiseSHELL · 02/12/2007 17:40

YANBU, BUT I think she may be a pfb - I guarantee that with subsequent children you will not mind, and in fact will be glad of the break, and will take the opportunity to read a book/have a sleep/go to the toilet on your own!

francagoestohollywood · 02/12/2007 17:41

yanbu. I used, however, to run miles from my crying babies if my breasts weren't needed and if there were other people willing to look after them for a while

themulledsnowmanneredjanitor · 02/12/2007 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ManchesterMummy · 02/12/2007 17:44

Oh goodness yes she's a pfb! I'm the first to admit I'm not exactly chilled out about stuff just yet. But my in-laws are bonkers: my MIL, for example, refuses to train her dog as she thinks it's cruel. And in just 7.5 weeks has questioned every single aspect of our parenting.

OP posts:
fruitful · 02/12/2007 17:45

I felt the same way about my second being passed around / jiggled about etc when I could see he wasn't happy.

I had a secret weapon with him though - he had reflux and I knew that sooner or later he was going to throw up on them .

tortoiseSHELL · 02/12/2007 17:48

ManchesterMummy - I would be amazed if you were chilled out at 7.5 weeks! Interesting philosophy about dogs.....!

inthegutter · 02/12/2007 17:48

Smile nicely but take her back. You don't need to put up with something you're not comfortable with. Not worth falling out over though - as everyone says, there WILL come a point, sooner than you think, when you'll be desperate for a break!

BeeWiseMen · 02/12/2007 18:17

manchestermummy I read your post and thought I might have posted it in a split personality type episode. I felt exactly the same as you. DD is now 23 weeks and this week is the first time I haven't wanted to howl with pain watching her being passed around like a box of chocolates. Maybe because she is now asserting herslef a little more?

Just take her off people when she is unhappy. If they dislike you for it, tough. My MIL actually used to try to take my DD out of myarms. I felt like I was trying to protect my little chick from a swooping bird of prey. I could go on about this for hours.

No YANBU. I swear women forget how intensely they felt about their little babies. You are also suffering a little from PFB syndrome but so what. When it comes to your DD, it is better people think you are a cow than a walkover. Not allowed? You know when she needs you so go to her and take her.

Habbibu · 02/12/2007 18:22

God no - you are absolutely in the right. Just take her back - she needs her Mummy, and everybody else can just damn well wait.

bohemianbint · 02/12/2007 18:30

Absolutely not unreasonable. The sound of a baby crying actually releases stress hormones in the mother so to try to keep you apart is bordering on abusive, imo! I'm not sure I'd be able to just relax whilst other people passed my crying child around, even if it was only a not as precious third born!

Just take her back - they need to learn where the lines are now.

I'm in Manchester too, where are you?

NorthernLurkerwithastarontop · 02/12/2007 18:34

Hmmmmmmm 7.5 weeks and every aspect of your parenting questioned - I know that story! Took 18 months for dh to snap and tell my parents to butt out - best thing we ever did!

FluffyMummy123 · 02/12/2007 18:36

Message withdrawn

IsawBUMPERkissingsantaclaus · 02/12/2007 19:24

Don't worry, those who think yabu are just those who can't rember pfb syndrome. we all went through it, check out this thread to make you feel better!

amytheearwaxbanisher · 02/12/2007 19:34

you being a bit unreasonable but your very much alowed!my gran told me i wasb like a rothwiller with my puppy with my pfb sure wouldnt it be worse if you didnt careso you fret away

TheAntiCod · 02/12/2007 19:39

Not allowed to take her???? Just get her back yourself. It's your child, not theirs.

miobombino · 02/12/2007 19:44

Oh God ! I have 4 children and at that age if they cry for you it's primeval. Nothing to do with pfb syndrome. I could never bear it when relatives did that. Once with one of mine, after I'd got him back, mil curled her lip and called him a crybaby and Mummy's boy. This from another mother of 4 ??
Well he's allowed to be a mummy's boy at a few weeks old.

How not to be a mil, eh ?

onepieceoflollipop · 02/12/2007 19:52

Our dd2 was being passed from mil to fil last week and her grizzling gradually became tired crying. My niece (age 6) said several times that mini lolly was crying which the gps denied!!

Eventually (well a few minutes later) I firmly took her back and after a quick cuddle and dummy she fell asleep. I said (only half jokingly) "I'm with the 6 year old on this one!" SO frustrating that just because people have had their own dc they think they know all about yours. Even a small child (literally) knew what my little baby needed - her mummy.

YANBU

evenhope · 02/12/2007 20:26

Oh how I hated this with my first 4 children. My ILs liked to grab the baby off me and pass it round, and refused to give it back. This time I am considerably older and DD2 won't even go to them. I admit to being secretly very when she turns straight back to me with her arms out.

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