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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm nasty since having our baby

104 replies

PricklyHog · 30/08/2021 16:39

Sorry posting for traffic!

Has anyone else experienced this?

I feel like since I've had our son (7 months), I have turned quite nasty. I hate it but I feel like I can't help it. It's mainly directed at my husband but I have no patience for lots of other people as well.

Everyone is just bugging me. And if me and DH have a minor disagreement it feels like I can't control myself with how I retaliate (not physically btw!), I have said some horrible things, things I feel like I'd never have said before. I feel actually venomous sometimes with how I talk to him when we disagree. It's horrible. But at the time I feel totally justified until I've calmed down. Multiple times I've packed up to leave with DS over the smallest of things until I've calmed down.

Sometimes he just annoys me without even doing anything wrong. And I've been questioning recently whether I actually still love him but at the same time not knowing what's changed from now and then.

I feel horrible, like I'm not a kind person anymore. I can only describe it as how I used to feel a few days before my period, annoyed and snappy, the smallest things getting under my skin, except this is worse and it's all the time.

I have all the love and patience in the world for DS but absolutely none for anyone else it feels like.

OP posts:
Polkadots2021 · 30/08/2021 22:31

Withing the day, not say!

Polkadotties · 30/08/2021 22:40

@Beckhamsmetatarsal

Yes. It was PND. Depression and anxiety for me present as anger, i get a very short fuse because my brain is overwhelmed. Add in sleep deprivation and I was just constantly sniping at my ex husband, to the point I left him because I couldn''t stop it and I didn't want to put him through any more or the kids to hear it.

Get some help x

This is how my depression manifests itself. My brain is so overwhelmed that having to decide between a simple choice such as broccoli or cauliflower with dinner can send me into a meltdown. It’s like there is no extra room for it to work as it’s working so hard already that anything additional just leaves me in tears.
Nosuchthingas · 30/08/2021 22:43

@Fuckmyliferightnow

I had this when I had PMDD (or severe PMS which is what it was diagnosed as).
Yes me too.

Does it seem to be worse around ovulation and in the week leading up to your period OP?

I've never known irrationality and rage like it before having children, it's like my hormones never rebalanced.

Siameasy · 30/08/2021 22:50

This is how my depression manifests itself. My brain is so overwhelmed that having to decide between a simple choice such as broccoli or cauliflower with dinner can send me into a meltdown. It’s like there is no extra room for it to work as it’s working so hard already that anything additional just leaves me in tears.

Spot on. This only improved when DD started school but I still suffer from overwhelm. DH has learned to step up now. He automatically picks up on it now and I’ve learned to tell him immediately if I’m feeling like this

Original poster
PricklyHog · 30/08/2021 22:51

Gosh, thank you. It's reassuring to know this can be quite normal.

A few people have mentioned anti D medications. I was actually on sertraline before I was pregnant for anxiety so there is history with that sort of thing. It never manifestsd itself in anger then though.

OP posts:
coronafiona · 30/08/2021 23:16

Being tired and busy all the time leaves me with little patience tooWink

Meatbadger · 30/08/2021 23:16

I totally had some sort of post-partum rage after my first was born. Didn’t know it was a thing and no one talks about it so just assumed that was how I was going to be now. I was so angry and most of it was directed at my husband. Looking back they were dark times!
Do speak to your HV and / or GP. They can help.

Fncottonrrrrgh · 31/08/2021 08:30

My brain is so overwhelmed that having to decide between a simple choice such as broccoli or cauliflower with dinner can send me into a meltdown. It’s like there is no extra room for it to work as it’s working so hard already

How I was for the first two months. DH would ask what I wanted for tea and I'd just reply "food"!!!

Mn753 · 02/09/2021 06:37

Oh you're not on the mini pill are you? It can make you murderous. In fact all contraception and breastfeeding can make you bonkers if you're affected by it .

Lovinghannah · 02/09/2021 06:48

@coffeeisthebest

You are pissed off because your husband was expecting a 1950s house wife and he hasn't got one but expects you to be one? You're not depressed, you are angry. That's ok. It sounds to be like you are trying to find better boundaries with your partner in your relationship. Establish what you want and need and make sure you voice it to him. If he doesn't like it then rethink again. Don't just assume you are mentally ill because you are angry. You have gone through a massive life change when you had your baby and now everything needs to reshuffle. Also, other people might just be getting on your wick because you are just happy with your baby. Sometimes chatting with other Mums can be challenging and turn into a comparison yawnfest. Enjoy your precious time with your child.
I was wondering if it is actually this
Bluntness100 · 02/09/2021 06:52

Op Sentraline is an anti depressant. I think you need to speak to your gp and look for some help, pnd can take the form of obsessiveness round your child you’re describing. Although you were being treated for anxiety it’s highly possible it Was in fact depression and it’s now come back with a vengeance

They won’t take your kid or call social services, depression is very common, so go get yourself some help.

Lulubon · 04/10/2021 21:03

@PricklyHog what was the outcome? Did you speak to GP?
I am experiencing the EXACT same thing. I’m 10m pp and I feel like I’ve let it go on for too long! I don’t feel depressed but I do feel unbelievable irritation and rage towards partner and strangers! E.g. a shouting match over a parking space with a stranger (completely out of character)

If it was PND I’d be interested to know as I feel like I can’t tell what’s going on with myself anymore

pregnantncnc · 04/10/2021 21:11

OP, I felt like that for the first 12m of DS's life. It was PND (as a result of hormones dropping rather than circumstance), and I didn't recognise that until it had passed. For me it started when my periods returned at 6m PP. You need to talk to someone if you feel you aren't yourself, in anyway - you don't have to just be sad and crying all the time, a change in behaviour like this is also a red flag!

Luckily for me it did pass on its own, but it nearly ended my marriage. Now I am pregnant again and we are both a bit terrified of it happening again.

pregnantncnc · 04/10/2021 21:12

Also, google postpartum rage. Eye opening.

my8thMNusername · 04/10/2021 21:17

Um, can this last more than 2-3 years?! You're not alone OP x

waterrat · 04/10/2021 21:24

I remember this stage and feeling murderous over tiny things. I think honestly yoi have to remember yoi have never in your life experienced this level if sleep deprivation before.

Firstbornunicorn · 04/10/2021 21:32

How are you now, OP?

I was a bit like this for a while and I’m usually a very calm person. I didn’t do or say anything I really regret, or anything, but I was more irritable and did things like argue with the woman behind the counter at the post office.

Anyway. I was deficient in folate and b12 and also quite anaemic. I hadn’t been looking after myself well since the ninth and I was already a bit depleted before that.

So it might not always be PND, or there might be other factors.

Milkshake54 · 04/10/2021 21:47

I had this, I referred to it as post-parting rage… but when I sought help, I realised it was actually post natal anxiety.

I didn’t realise it was this because it manifested itself in a way I didn’t recognise as anxiety.
But doubting myself and thinking other people thought I was an awful mum was one of the ways it manifested for me.

My son is still under 1 yr, it’s all been fairly recent - but I feel sooo much better now ive recognised it and actually having that PNA ‘label’ has actually helped me. It took the pressure off.

Hope you are ok Flowers

Milkshake54 · 04/10/2021 21:48

Post-partum rage*

Knobblybobbly · 04/10/2021 21:51

I can remember sitting in an interview pre kids and one of the questions was “what makes you angry” and my honest answer was “i can’t remember the last time I felt truly angry.”

Now, 6yr old child. I feel real anger almost everyday.

Getting better at controlling it with time and…. if I’m honest….. sheer lack of energy!!

Kona84 · 04/10/2021 21:55

I think I saw something on Netflix that analyses the mother’s brain (I may have read it though so not sure) but there is a part of the brain called the amygdala that expands to enable more empathy etc
But it can also make you less tolerable of others and aggressive.
I wish I could remember where I had seen it but I found it fascinating- they proved as well that the same section of the brain is activated for dads but it’s more gradual.

NumberNineTwo · 04/10/2021 22:06

Since I had a child I don’t have time for any shit. It’s hard enough just to deal with a child without dealing with bollocks from other people as well. It’s like my child uses up my entire quota of tolerance and there’s none left for anyone else. I’m an absolute bitch and I don’t give a crap about anyone. Honestly I think that’s just what motherhood does to you.

Goldbar · 04/10/2021 22:23

To give a different perspective...

You have a young baby, your DH is out all day from morning to night and you've had broken and interrupted sleep for 7 months while (forgive the inappropriate simile!) your DH sleeps like a baby... every single night. And you say he expected a 1950s housewife service while you were on mat leave.

I'd be feeling a bit ragey too.

There may be something else wrong so definitely worthwhile speaking to your GP. But on the other hand it may also be that, in the absence of your DH, you and your baby have formed a little team of two. And there isn't a place on your team for your DH because he hasn't put the effort into creating one.

Figgyboa · 04/10/2021 22:27

You don't want anyone to think your a bad mum but you're happy being abusive to your DH? Very manipulative to pack up your DC and threaten to leave. Definitely not normal behavior so please seek help before it's too late