Page 3 | I'm nasty since having our baby

Recessed · 30/08/2021 20:43

I was like this. It was sleep in my case. Once DD2 started sleeping through (2.5 bloody years it took!) I returned to normal. It's a massive massive adjustment parenthood. He's still so tiny give it time!

Lalliella · 30/08/2021 20:44

PND, hormones and exhaustion. OP you need help and no-one will think you’re a bad mum

Fuckmyliferightnow · 30/08/2021 20:48

I had this when I had PMDD (or severe PMS which is what it was diagnosed as).

lllllllllll · 30/08/2021 20:53

There's no suggestion you are a bad mum, but you are being abusive towards your partner.

Does being irritable and snappy because you’re a tired new mum really qualify as abuse?

HiScore · 30/08/2021 20:53

Have you started a new hormonal contraception since having the baby?

This is how I act if I’m on the pill or implant….

EmilyEmmabob · 30/08/2021 21:00

I was like this after DS1 for a while, I thought it was 'normal'. After DS2 I was worse (never physical, just full of hatred for everyone and everything I saw as an inconvenience). I went to the drs and was prescribed Citalopram which changed my life (and everyone else's) for the better. After the initial rough few weeks with headaches and feeling worse it was then like a switch had been flicked and I felt much more like my old self. I'm not saying that medication is the answer to this but it was for me, the dr diagnosed me with postnatal anxiety rather than depression.

On occasions where I feel anxious I get the same feelings back again, it's like my brain is programmed into the extreme once I worry about something. I'm back on Citalopram again to control this and I'm able to function normally. I suspect I've always been this way inclined.

I hope you feel better soon, OP, it isn't your fault and things can and will get better.

VestaTilley · 30/08/2021 21:05

See your GP. Being incredibly irritable and angry all the time was a major factor of my PND.

I take sertraline and it’s brilliant at levelling my mood.

But you may well just still be exhausted and she’ll shocked by having a baby! It’s knackering and can wreck your relationship in the first year. See the doctor though if it doesn’t improve.

GrouchyKiwi · 30/08/2021 21:07

@PricklyHog

I'm just so worried about speaking to someone officially about it. What if they contact social services or something? Having issues with rage doesn't sound good around a baby does it even though I know I'd never ever hurt him.

I had terrible rage when I had PND after my 3rd baby. Things would actually go black. No one tried to take my children away from me when I told them. They helped me find counselling, we found medication that helped, and I got support from Home Start (which is an amazing charity) until I was well again.

Please do talk to your GP.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 30/08/2021 21:08

I've been struggling with ragey feelings but more towards my toddler but sometimes my husband too. I know how you feel. The guilt is awful. I spoke to our GP practice mental health nurse and have been going to councelling. That's helped a lot. In my area postnatal mum's get priority referral. Also they did offer me anti depressants. I've not gone down that route but it's something they said could help. It's very common. Be kind to yourself x

TonkinLenkicks · 30/08/2021 21:10

I’m the same. DD is 1 and hasn’t slept since she was born so not necessarily PND. I’m shattered and don’t have time or patience for anyone else’s shit.

Poppyloppyloo · 30/08/2021 21:15

I have been similar after both of my babies, a combination of hormones (especially while breastfeeding), exhaustion, being extremely touched out and complete amazement at how utterly useless my husband was when he needed to pick up the slack around the house.

Babies are hard work, useless husbands are hard work, hormones hard wire us to not be too nice to them to avoid another pregnancy while a baby is still reliant on us.

For me it settled after a while, my husband became less useless, my babies started sleeping and I felt able to have some time to myself to recharge.

It may be pnd, but it might also be normal for you.

OneBigMother · 30/08/2021 21:19

Congratulations on your DC, I'm normally a lurker but I thought my experience may help.
I had such anger after DD was born but it wasn't classic PND so my health visitor missed it. I went to all the groups and had afternoons with other Mums, but lost my shit with DH at the smallest thing. DH sat me down and explained I wasn't the person he married and I needed help. DD was 9 months old by this point.
I got a great doctor, went on Prozac for a bit and had some CBT therapy.
With my second pregnancy I felt it coming back and went straight back on Prozac.
The doctor explained it was a chemical imbalance, your brain firing off the wrong hormones. Both times it stopped when I stopped breast feeding, DD was 1.5 and DS 2.
A wee call to your GP could help, good luck OP.

ShakerMakerGirl · 30/08/2021 21:21

Sounds like postpartum rage. I've had it with both my kids. I never felt depressed but it comes under post natal depression. I was horrible to my husband too. Get in touch with your GP, parents with a child under 1 are prioritised for mental health services too but hopefully medication will help. The more sleep I get the better I am but the GP told me it takes your body well over a year to recover from birth and that includes your hormones. Hope you feel better soon xx

Booboobadoo · 30/08/2021 21:22

Could it be that currently your baby is the most important thing in your life and very much reliant on you and that everything else is a distraction/irritant? Also, being expected to be a 1950s housewife would give me the rage.

Durbeyfield · 30/08/2021 21:25

Hormones. I was horrible after mine.

Comedycook · 30/08/2021 21:29

@lllllllllll

There's no suggestion you are a bad mum, but you are being abusive towards your partner.

Does being irritable and snappy because you’re a tired new mum really qualify as abuse?

I know. Ridiculous.

I wonder if the past few months of lockdown has been a contributing factor too op. I know my own patience has been worn very thin and I often feel permanently irritable

TommyShelby · 30/08/2021 21:50

Solidarity OP. My daughter is the same age and I totally get this. Unfortunately I have no advice but I’m in the same boat as you. I just pray it’s hormonal and will balance out

Eilatan2018 · 30/08/2021 21:56

@PricklyHog

Sorry posting for traffic!

Has anyone else experienced this?

I feel like since I've had our son (7 months), I have turned quite nasty. I hate it but I feel like I can't help it. It's mainly directed at my husband but I have no patience for lots of other people as well.

Everyone is just bugging me. And if me and DH have a minor disagreement it feels like I can't control myself with how I retaliate (not physically btw!), I have said some horrible things, things I feel like I'd never have said before. I feel actually venomous sometimes with how I talk to him when we disagree. It's horrible. But at the time I feel totally justified until I've calmed down. Multiple times I've packed up to leave with DS over the smallest of things until I've calmed down.

Sometimes he just annoys me without even doing anything wrong. And I've been questioning recently whether I actually still love him but at the same time not knowing what's changed from now and then.

I feel horrible, like I'm not a kind person anymore. I can only describe it as how I used to feel a few days before my period, annoyed and snappy, the smallest things getting under my skin, except this is worse and it's all the time.

I have all the love and patience in the world for DS but absolutely none for anyone else it feels like.

My son is three and my moods are horrific.. this is due to lack of sleep and a permanent feeling of PMT like you say which is my hormones all over the place. I’ve started the pill to try and regulate this. Talk to your Gp I promise they won’t think you’re a bad mum!

Itsbeen84yearss · 30/08/2021 22:01

I relate. I actually left my first husband when I had my first dc partly because I literally had no patience for him.
I love my current Dh to bits and we’ve recently had a dc together and I feel similar annoyances. I can get very snippy.
I think the problem is that when you have dc the love can be very all consuming, add in sleep deprivation and the general relentlessness of parenting it’s very hard to have tolerance for men, who let’s face it can be quite trying at times. I also think hormones mess you up. You need to really remind yourself though that your Dh is your dc’s dad and if you love your dc and you want a nice family environment for them you’re going to have to nurture your marriage a bit more. As others have said you may need to see your gp. I found citalopram balances me out quite well.

Chiffandbip · 30/08/2021 22:06

I think you’re so self aware for noticing this OP.
I was nasty for the first 3 years of my DD’s life. Not to DD- she got all my love, care and attention but I hated everyone else, felt angry due to the sleep deprivation and was horrible towards DH.
My relationships with a few of my friends never really recovered but when I started getting more sleep when DD was just over 3, I started to realise that I was feeling so different to how I used to feel and my PMT had escalated badly, eventually I went on Sertraline (anti anxiety/ depression medication) and it was incredible. All the noise, angst and tension was turned down. I started letting friends back in, I felt mellow, friendly and amenable. Basically able to cope but also to enjoy life. I hadn’t realised how bad everything had been until I took this medication.

I’m sharing that with you in case it resonates. I also receive therapy.
I wish I hadn’t left it as long to seek proper help.

Catchthepigeons · 30/08/2021 22:13

I think there's definitely something hormonal in it. Pre children me and dh were best of pals. Post kids I do find myself thinking the same as you, he's in the way, not doing things 'right'.
I remember sitting at the local mums class before all of our dc were born, and there was a conversation between some of them laughing about how much they'll hate their dhs again. I thought they were ridiculous and I'd never feel like that about my wonderful dh..

Siameasy · 30/08/2021 22:15

I had this. I was very spiteful and vicious to DH and his very existence would wind me up . It was due to exhaustion and I was told I had post natal anxiety. I took medication for a short while, it gave me a breather. Things improved once I started to get more rest and more space

Beckhamsmetatarsal · 30/08/2021 22:22

Yes. It was PND. Depression and anxiety for me present as anger, i get a very short fuse because my brain is overwhelmed. Add in sleep deprivation and I was just constantly sniping at my ex husband, to the point I left him because I couldn''t stop it and I didn't want to put him through any more or the kids to hear it.

Get some help x

Siameasy · 30/08/2021 22:26

God yes rage. I’d forgotten (DD is 6) how furious I felt. Complete sensory overwhelm. One thing that used to kill me was driving a car, DD would be screaming and I would be crying as I couldn’t concentrate

Polkadots2021 · 30/08/2021 22:31

@PricklyHog

Sorry posting for traffic!

Has anyone else experienced this?

I feel like since I've had our son (7 months), I have turned quite nasty. I hate it but I feel like I can't help it. It's mainly directed at my husband but I have no patience for lots of other people as well.

Everyone is just bugging me. And if me and DH have a minor disagreement it feels like I can't control myself with how I retaliate (not physically btw!), I have said some horrible things, things I feel like I'd never have said before. I feel actually venomous sometimes with how I talk to him when we disagree. It's horrible. But at the time I feel totally justified until I've calmed down. Multiple times I've packed up to leave with DS over the smallest of things until I've calmed down.

Sometimes he just annoys me without even doing anything wrong. And I've been questioning recently whether I actually still love him but at the same time not knowing what's changed from now and then.

I feel horrible, like I'm not a kind person anymore. I can only describe it as how I used to feel a few days before my period, annoyed and snappy, the smallest things getting under my skin, except this is worse and it's all the time.

I have all the love and patience in the world for DS but absolutely none for anyone else it feels like.

Biologically, sleep deprivation and the mad hormonal changes that need to settle after having a baby could 100% account for this. I've always been a believer in supps but changed up what I was taking around the time you're talking about postpartum and it literally made a within the say difference (got on top of all my mineral supplements etc such as iron and vit d, and magnesium calcium and zinc). I always exercised which helped a lot (bit of a lifeline back then) and just had to roll with the knowledge that sleep deprivation was doing me in until my first DS slept better.