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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think OLD men are like a conveyor belt of idiots?

127 replies

Whatonearth2021 · 28/08/2021 00:44

Reeling, fuming, please be kind.

In the 18 months since exH walked out on me and 3DS the first week of first lockdown, I have got myself two really good jobs after being out the workforce for 3 years. Done my utmost to care for my traumatised 3DS, driven to Devon for hols when I have a phobia of driving…achieved so much, and gained 3 stone.

Stupidly dipped toe into OLD. Had nice chat with a local guy. Met for coffee briefly yesterday - weird chemistry. Thought no more about it.

Today he messaged, we started talking. Good conversation - quite open. I thought ok, could be a local friend when everyone else is smug married.

Then he says…when were your photos taken. I said last week (true). He said f’off - filter then? I said (increasingly pissed off) - no, why do I look old or something?

He said, being honest, I didn’t think you were as big as you are.

And with that sentence from a complete stranger, my achievements of the past year fade, and my self esteem is back on the floor.

I know you need a thick skin to OLD, I know tomorrow this will be a rueful story. But right now I need some solidarity. So if anyone is up, please salve my wounded soul that it’s not just me - OLD men are just not worth the headspace 😅

OP posts:
Clocktopus · 28/08/2021 00:49

"I didn't think you were as big as you are", what a bloody cheek. I bet he was no Adonis. Go on, be honest, did he look like a thumb? Block the twat and think no more of it.

Lockheart · 28/08/2021 00:52

Ah I'm sorry OP. It's the nature of online dating. Everyone uses their most flattering photos (obviously!) and says or tries to show that they're taller / thinner / richer / younger / have more hair.

I wouldn't waste any more headspace on him - onwards and upwards!

Sparklfairy · 28/08/2021 00:54

And with that sentence from a complete stranger, my achievements of the past year fade, and my self esteem is back on the floor.

Don't you dare Grin I bet he was no Adonis himself.

Think about it. He got in touch after your slightly weird date. He wouldn't have if he didn't want a second. He'd have just gone back to the sweet shop. So what was his angle? What did he expect you to say to that?

He's negging you, putting you on the back foot so you're always trying to 'improve' yourself to be good enough for him. Any and all criticisms would now be acceptable from him. Red fucking flags all over the place.

It's unpleasant, but says more about him. If he thought he was too good for you, why message you again?

I'm having a shite time on OLD myself if it's any consolation. Men either have no personality and dates are excruciatingly awkward, or they feel the need to ram their every opinion down my throat and puff themselves up as the big man.

I took a few days away from the app and had a quick look at my inbox today. The sheer volume of stroppy "you know the idea is that you reply to my message" "guess not then" "did you die or something?" all indignant because I didn't immediately reply Hmm

The good thing is these twats show their true colours fast, be thankful!

Original poster
Whatonearth2021 · 28/08/2021 00:54

Actually - thumb pretty much defines it! It was on the tip of my tongue to start on him - but I took the moral high ground 😁

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 28/08/2021 00:54

@Clocktopus ha great minds with the Adonis comment!

Original poster
Whatonearth2021 · 28/08/2021 00:57

You are so right. He actually started with totally inappropriate suggestions as to what I was going to be doing with my old school friend who I mentioned was coming to stay. So I should have realised he was somewhat warped - I mean - who derives anything sexual from the comment “I’ve got a friend coming to stay this weekend” ??

OP posts:
violetbunny · 28/08/2021 02:32

Tell him that's only fair seeing as he turned out to be an even bigger twat than you'd anticipated.

Welshmaenad · 28/08/2021 02:34

I got chatting with one who seemed lovely, and disclosed that I have mobility issues due to a neurological disease. He replied, "sorry, I don't think my lifestyle is compatible with dating someone disabled, I'm very active,and I don't want to be a carer" and unmatched before I even had the chance to tell him that he was a cunt.

Rainbow0821 · 28/08/2021 02:37

You dodged a bullet! Block and forget. Not worth your headspace Flowers

Haywirecity · 28/08/2021 02:45

who derives anything sexual from the comment “I’ve got a friend coming to stay this weekend” ??

Ugh. You're very lucky. You found this out at the very start when you'd not expended much time or energy on him.

SnackSizeRaisin · 28/08/2021 02:57

It's unpleasant, but says more about him. If he thought he was too good for you, why message you again?

Exactly. He deliberately reeled you in so that he could be offensive. He's a bully and it's no reflection on you. You can lose weight, or not, as you prefer but he will always be a weirdo!

Peterobbedpaul · 28/08/2021 03:02

This reply has been deleted

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TechGinny · 28/08/2021 03:13

Hello, thumb guy's clearly stumbled across his starring role in this thread.

Sparklfairy · 28/08/2021 03:13

@Peterobbedpaul Errr what? how did she catfish? definition of that is being someone completely different. I really don't think she posed as a size 8 and turned up a size 20.

Gothichouse40 · 28/08/2021 03:14

Invariably, I find most men are only interested in slim, usually blonde younger women. One piece of advice from someone I knew who tried OLD was go for a paying site. The free ones are full of odd men or married ones. My friend was quoting from her own experience.

Haywirecity · 28/08/2021 03:15

@Peterobbedpaul. She didn't catfish him, she showed him recent photos. But everyone uses photos that make them look nice. Who uses bad photos of themselves? During his pre-meet chat with the op he didn't make unpleasant, sexual commentsI, but he was obviously predisposed to making them. So if you're saying she lied about her appearance, then he lied about his character. If he didn't find her attractive, he could just say he didn't feel a spark and leave it that. He didn't need to be personal and rude. But he was. I'm thinking you might be related to him.

APJ1 · 28/08/2021 03:18

@Welshmaenad

I got chatting with one who seemed lovely, and disclosed that I have mobility issues due to a neurological disease. He replied, "sorry, I don't think my lifestyle is compatible with dating someone disabled, I'm very active,and I don't want to be a carer" and unmatched before I even had the chance to tell him that he was a cunt.
What a twat. I've had similar experiences with OLD. I reckon his simplistic mind really just thought 'disability = no sex for me'.
torquewench · 28/08/2021 03:23

I've literally only seen about three attractive men on POF, the rest all look like thumbs/big toes holding carp/pint. An ex of mine is on there, still using photos that are at least 5 years old (I know, I took most of them, or know where and when they were taken as he sent them to me at the time). They don't show his green teeth or misogynistic attitude but the deranged look in his eyes could be a clue as to why he's still using the site 5 years on and no-ones snapped him up.

Rangoon · 28/08/2021 03:28

If it makes you feel better a boyfriend once said I was pear shaped. I weighed 8 stone and I'm slightly taller than average! I should have got rid of him immediately.

ShinyHappySummers · 28/08/2021 03:39

God some men are c**ts! 🤬

coastergirl · 28/08/2021 03:51

A conveyor belt of idiots sums it up perfectly. I don't know why I bother.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 28/08/2021 06:04

Firstly, you sound amazing.

I personally found OLD like wading through a sea of human effluent rather than a conveyor belt.
Your analogy is still a good one though.

If you want to continue you will need a thicker skin fast and a better arsehole/plonker/general bellend/sex pevert wierdo radar.
I forced myself to make OLD a net positive experience but it took a lot of pollyanna-ing. I was pretty impervious by the end of it and it improved my assertiveness and confidence/reduced my need for approval.
Despite a rigorous sifting process there were still a huge number of low quality and or unpleasant men

As it is, personally I'd bin it off for a while and focus on yourself / self care (Nails / maassage / gym class / nice walk / read a book in the park)

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 28/08/2021 06:07

@Gothichouse40

Invariably, I find most men are only interested in slim, usually blonde younger women. One piece of advice from someone I knew who tried OLD was go for a paying site. The free ones are full of odd men or married ones. My friend was quoting from her own experience.
I am in london so maybe depends on location but everyone i know found paid sites the worst! Match.com in particular was dire. and they were v scammy it took 2 goes to unsubscribe (this was after i was warned by a friend they are scammy and hard tp unsubscribe from!)
rwalker · 28/08/2021 06:27

It's OLD in general it's brutal and not just men are like this .

paintedpanda · 28/08/2021 06:36

Urgh what a turd. That says more about him than it does you, OP. It sounds like you're doing amazingly. It's so difficult to rebuild after a relationship breakdown so well done to you for doing it. It took me so much longer than 18 months!

OLD is utterly soul destroying. You definitely need a thick skin to use it. It stole a year of my life after using it for a few months. My MH was shot after, my confidence in my boots. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I hope it gets better for you, OP.