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Original poster

To think OLD men are like a conveyor belt of idiots?

127 replies

Whatonearth2021 · 28/08/2021 00:44

Reeling, fuming, please be kind.

In the 18 months since exH walked out on me and 3DS the first week of first lockdown, I have got myself two really good jobs after being out the workforce for 3 years. Done my utmost to care for my traumatised 3DS, driven to Devon for hols when I have a phobia of driving…achieved so much, and gained 3 stone.

Stupidly dipped toe into OLD. Had nice chat with a local guy. Met for coffee briefly yesterday - weird chemistry. Thought no more about it.

Today he messaged, we started talking. Good conversation - quite open. I thought ok, could be a local friend when everyone else is smug married.

Then he says…when were your photos taken. I said last week (true). He said f’off - filter then? I said (increasingly pissed off) - no, why do I look old or something?

He said, being honest, I didn’t think you were as big as you are.

And with that sentence from a complete stranger, my achievements of the past year fade, and my self esteem is back on the floor.

I know you need a thick skin to OLD, I know tomorrow this will be a rueful story. But right now I need some solidarity. So if anyone is up, please salve my wounded soul that it’s not just me - OLD men are just not worth the headspace 😅

OP posts:
Maassi · 28/08/2021 07:58

I did OLD and met some real horrors. But I took regular breaks away from it for my own mental health. A few years down the line I've met someone wonderful on a paid site that I utterly love the bones off.

1frenchfoodie · 28/08/2021 08:00

Bullet dodged. But don’t despair - they are not all weirdos. My lovely brother is getting married at the end of this year to a woman he met on OLD. As a single (widowed) parent to two young kids his socialising was mainly with couples who knew his wife and lockdown reduced already slim changes of meeting anyone at work (male dominated). OLD was perfect for him and even the couple of matches that didnt go further seemed to go well. Marriage wasnt his aim - with lockdown really limiting dating options I dont think he expected much from it this year at all.

CounsellorTroi · 28/08/2021 08:01

@rwalker

It's OLD in general it's brutal and not just men are like this .
Quite. In MN women are entitled to have a preference for taller men, but it’s outrageous if a man has a preference for slimmer women
Original poster
Whatonearth2021 · 28/08/2021 08:02

Thanks for all the lovely support. Re the cat fishing - let me make this clear:

  1. Pix were unfiltered and taken within the past few weeks - 2 were taken last week
  2. We video called before he suggested meeting
  3. After said meeting I messaged saying ‘now we are safely in friend zone…’ to indicate no expectation (as I didn’t feel it either)
  4. He contact me the next day under the premise of needing local info
  5. He later suggested the video call where I made it clear that we would be fine as just friends
  6. I felt sorry for a guy who had just moved to the area, knew very few people. Most of my friends are married. Tonight he seemed funny, could be fun to just have the odd beer with.
  7. There was no reason for him to bring up my weight.

Naive, absolutely. Catfish??? Believe me I’d have done a far better job if that was my intention 🤣

OP posts:
Sn0tnose · 28/08/2021 08:03

Apparently it is perfectly OK to catfish a guy, but if they dare call you out on it suddenly they're the cunt. Maybe don't pose as something you aren't next time OP.

I agree with this. I met my husband on OLD so no, they aren’t all dicks. He did tell me he had dated many women who turned up looking a lot bigger than their profile pictures. Likewise, I had similar issues with some men before meeting him. It’s shallow I know but personally if I’d met someone who didn’t look quite what I was expecting from their profile pictures then tbh I wouldn’t have given a shiny shit if they’d driven to Devon or whatever. She took the pictures recently. She’s not made herself out to be a size 8, 25 year old dolly bird. And she’s not asked him to overlook her size because she’s achieved some stuff recently. And she’s already said her self esteem is back on the floor so why do you need to be such a dick about it? Did you run out of milk for your cornflakes this morning?

OP, he looks like a potato, he’s a sleaze (the comments about your friend coming to stay) and he’s not exactly charm personified when he isn’t being sleazy. And you’re feeling like there’s something wrong with you?! This idiot does not have the power over you to diminish anything you’ve achieved. He’s irrelevant. You have to laugh about this, it’s the only way you’ll get through it. An absolutely stunning friend of mine went on a date years ago where they’d been chatting for a while before meeting and at the end of the evening he told her that he couldn’t imagine walking down the aisle with her so wasn’t interested in seeing her again but was willing to sleep with her on a nsa basis if that would make her feel any better about not being in a relationship with him! But there are some absolutely lovely men on old (my DH was one of them). Think of it like a tombola where you want a particular prize but you’ve won the lavender talc. Just chuck it back in and have another go.

DrSbaitso · 28/08/2021 08:03

It's always size that gets complained of (about women) but you could meet someone and find they have any other physical characteristic you don't like that wasn't apparent in photos. Or maybe you find out they vote for a political party you hate or laugh like a drain or listen to Nickelback. It's a first date and the whole point is to find out if there are any glaring incompatibilities.

And yet weight is the only thing it's so unacceptable not to be able to discern from photos...

Hopeisnotastrategy · 28/08/2021 08:06

You sound like an absolute star OP, someone I'd be proud to have as a friend. Don't let this ( or any other) idiot pull you down.

Whatonearth2021 · 28/08/2021 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

sHREDDIES19 · 28/08/2021 08:06

Ignore him, what an utter loser at life. I don’t know you but wow what a mother and a woman. In general, men just can’t dig deep like women and get shit together and keep everyone else propped up. They are only concerned about themselves first and foremost.

DrSbaitso · 28/08/2021 08:07

@Whatonearth2021

Thanks for all the lovely support. Re the cat fishing - let me make this clear:
  1. Pix were unfiltered and taken within the past few weeks - 2 were taken last week
  2. We video called before he suggested meeting
  3. After said meeting I messaged saying ‘now we are safely in friend zone…’ to indicate no expectation (as I didn’t feel it either)
  4. He contact me the next day under the premise of needing local info
  5. He later suggested the video call where I made it clear that we would be fine as just friends
  6. I felt sorry for a guy who had just moved to the area, knew very few people. Most of my friends are married. Tonight he seemed funny, could be fun to just have the odd beer with.
  7. There was no reason for him to bring up my weight.

Naive, absolutely. Catfish??? Believe me I’d have done a far better job if that was my intention 🤣

Oh!!!

So you made it clear, nicely, that there was no attraction on your side!

Well of COURSE a creepy twat like that had to find a way to tell you how hideous you are after that! You didn't ask him, naked and doe eyed, how you scored!

I'm only surprised he didn't also decide you must be gay.

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 28/08/2021 08:10

You friend zoned him which hurt his ego

So he tried to hurt you back

You don’t need this guy in your life

Not his comment in your head Grin

CiderIsCosy · 28/08/2021 08:17

Absolute tool. Block and move on.

But don’t give up on OLD. Three friends - lovely ladies, two are size 16 - met their lovely husbands via online dating (paid sites - Match and Telegraph dating). Another found only scumbags on free sites (POF, Bumble).

Mind you it took one of them about 30 dates and two years to find her match.

Be prepared for a long campaign!

Parsley1234 · 28/08/2021 08:18

I thought this read Old men and I was agreeing 😆😆😆😆😆😆

helentomelon · 28/08/2021 08:20

Yes they mostly are. And got that guy to continue the conversation purely to say that is awful!

The best tip I got though with OLD is to use photos of you exactly as you are. You get fewer matches and dates but those you meet want to meet you because of who you are and the quality of man improves

AlwaysLatte · 28/08/2021 08:23

This is the ad that came up Grin
He sounds like a dick you're well rid of.

To think OLD men are like a conveyor belt of idiots?
lottiegarbanzo · 28/08/2021 08:23

From what I've read and heard about OLD, my conclusion is that its business model is basically the same as bars that offer 'Ladies Nights' where women get free entry, or cheaper drinks. That is, they use a few attractive women as bait, to attract many paying, seedy men.

Eesha · 28/08/2021 08:31

Hi, I had this on my first OLD experience with a super fit personal trainer. I believe he was doing the negging thing though and pursued me for a year after. Try and focus on your achievements and don't let one person destroy your self esteem.

supermoonrising · 28/08/2021 08:34

I guess weight/size is a difficult one, as unless there’s an actual category, it’s hard to see how big or tall someone is from a photo. Some people you can tell but some people may look very thin from the shoulders up when actually they’re very large.

Never used online dating so no idea what categories are included. But I guess it makes sense that if there is a place where you must list your height then there should also be one where you list your current weight.

EishetChayil · 28/08/2021 08:35

It saddens me that as women we're forced into this idea that we need men. We've been sold a pup. A good majority of men are absolute losers, and many are actively harmful.

In my dreams, I set up a utopia without men, in which women live communally in the spirit of mutual help and peace. The boys we raise will defy the stereotypes modern patriarchal society thrusts on men.

Twitchynose · 28/08/2021 08:37

@speakout

You are looking in the wrong place for emotional or romantic attachments. Like hanging out in a strip club hoping to meet a man wih enlightened views about women's rights.

Ohers are right- men in genaral are not like this- just the ones that sign up to dodgey web sites.

There are far better places to meet good men.

@speakout You can’t just leave it at that - you need to tell us where these places are!
bamboocat · 28/08/2021 08:41

@AlwaysLatte Grin

foxy86 · 28/08/2021 08:43

It’s not you, but it is you. It is you in the way you are draft in wanting to even think about another bloke! Just enjoy being single and concentrate on you and your kids. No other child to think about. Why go back to having to make decisions with another adult when you can make them by yourself without having to consider asking another adult. I get it’s the whole company and not wanting to be just mum and working but just go out with your friends and get in touch with old friends if you used to be ok. Concentrate on you and your happiness without it including a partner to complicate things. You shouldn’t need another person to have to validate how you feel etc. If you aren’t happy you need to look at why and see if it’s a bloke you really need or just a bit more self appreciation. You’ve come very far in 18 months and achieved loads and you should be giving yourself a big well done for it!

queenMab99 · 28/08/2021 08:44

I really don't know how people negotiate dating on line, I was newly single in my 40s and eventually joined a singles club, which was really well run, with events held in various places in the Nort West, suppers, pub nights, walks etc. and that was hard enough, but I learned to recognise the undesirables and idiots, through meeting and talking face to face. It must be nearly impossible to do this online, and I am so glad that I am quite content on my own, after a happy marriage with my late second husband, who I met through this club. I do wonder why real life singles clubs seem to have gone out of fashion, is it that it is less embarrassing to filter people out on line? I don't think I could do this, as I know I can't judge compatability from a picture, and brief paragraph, and would have completely missed out on life with my funny, loving, infuriating husband.

PalmsandCharms · 28/08/2021 08:45

[quote Whatonearth2021]@PalmsandCharms I’m a size 14. I could say something about some sad old troll hanging around a mum forum early on a Saturday morning…but tbh that would just be too easy.[/quote]
I'm a size 14 myself. Your point?

lottiegarbanzo · 28/08/2021 08:46

There've been quite a few books written on that theme @EishetChayil Doesn't usually work out as intended!

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