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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feeling awful and dont want to go out in public with toddler again

86 replies

Motherofking · 27/08/2021 18:50

I was on the bus with my toddler and had 2 stops left till I get off when he started tantrum .. it was because he wanted to get out of his pram . In the past I have taken him out and sat down with him on my lap however this time I couldn't do that as I had bags and seats were full so I was standing . I tried to sooth him but it made him worst so I just ignored him with the hope that he will go quiet . This lady who had two kids with her rudely asked me if I had something to put in his mouth to feed him or quiet him . I told her he's fine and just wanted to get out of the pram . Anyways after that encounter I got off the bus and to prove it was a tantrum my son was immediately quiet. He always does this when ever I stop moving the pram . Anyways I was embarrassed by this lady,, there was also these men on the bus complaining under their breathe . I feel so awkward going on public transport again if I can avoid it I will

OP posts:

DDIJ · 27/08/2021 18:51

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Beamur · 27/08/2021 18:53

Is he old enough for a little bribe? Could you offer something like a few buttons or a box of raisins to keep him occupied briefly?

Mumoblue · 27/08/2021 18:55

Sorry you had to put up with that. Babies cry, and if you knew you were about to get off then there was really no point in fussing about it.

Don’t let it get to you.

DoucheCanoe · 27/08/2021 18:55

To be fair sustained crying in a confined space is really annoying and if I saw you just leaving him to it I would probably have rolled my eyes and muttered under my breath too.

I know it's hard going but you need to find something that will keep him occupied for your own (and other people's) sanity!

Whatinthelord · 27/08/2021 18:57

Ah I’m sorry you had such a hard time.

YABU to give yourself such a hard time.
Tantruming toddlers are so stressful I never understand why other people need to add to the stress with their judgement.

I wouldn’t avoid getting the bus. In fact I’d do it as soon as you can again, so you don’t let it turn in to a big fear. Maybe think of some things you can do to help keep him entertained (like a toy he only has in the bus or downloading some audio books for him to listen to on head phones.

Original poster

Motherofking · 27/08/2021 18:57

@beamur he's 14 months and sometimes I offer him his toy iPad or snacks but it didn't work this time he just wanted to get out of the pram

OP posts:

DoucheCanoe · 27/08/2021 18:58

Sorry, just re-read and missed the bit that you had tried to soothe him without any luck! Ignore me

In that case, there's not much you can do.

Decrepit · 27/08/2021 18:58

We've all been there, I wouldn't let it get you down. Children do have tantrums and what does it matter if a few people were ratty. Don't let the b***ds grind you down.

ISpyCobraKai · 27/08/2021 18:58

This is what chocolate buttons are for.

AlmostSummer21 · 27/08/2021 18:59

Don't be put off going on PT again. There's FAR worse things than a tantruming toddler for people to get their knickers in a knot over.
'A couple of stops' probably wasn't that long either.

Mamette · 27/08/2021 18:59

I’ve said YANBU because it’s awful, I used to be absolutely mortified by DS2 and his tantrums out and about. I will never forget the hot feeling of panic rising up when I knew I was in an enclosed space and he was staring to kick off… 😱

But yabu not to go out again, you handled it fine, fuck the men on the bus, were any of them on their own with a DC? If not who cares what they think. The woman was trying to help maybe?

WIS76 · 27/08/2021 19:00

Oh just ignore it, babies cry, people need to get over it. I refuse to be embarrassed when I'm out with mine and they do that. I really don't feel sorry for a stranger who has to put up with it for 10 mins when I have to live with it 24/7 💐

Flowers2020bloom · 27/08/2021 19:00

Ugh people can be so rude!! However I do think people are more tolerant if they can see you at least trying so maybe ignoring him was not the best idea! Emergency snack or toy might have helped distract him for just long enough. Depending on age you could have a couple of pushchair activities to hand - a laminated sheet of pictures that he needs to spot, a cheap egg timer that he needs to watch however many times or one of those crayola books that have the special colouring pens

Beamur · 27/08/2021 19:01

Tantrums happen. Ignore the eye rollers. We've all been there.
Step up your distraction techniques and don't be afraid to deploy chocolate

HeyDugeesCakeBadge · 27/08/2021 19:02

Blimey if I worried about every tantrum my children had in public I would never leave the house - before I had children I was convinced they would be so well behaved all the time! Please don't think anymore about that rude woman, you would think with kids she'd be more understanding. We've all been there so please don't think anymore about it.

mynameiscalypso · 27/08/2021 19:05

Honestly, I'm always glad when I see tantrumming toddler sun public because it makes me feel better about mine!

mynameiscalypso · 27/08/2021 19:06

*toddlers in

shouldistop · 27/08/2021 19:08

Ah don't worry about it op. Ds1 had some epic tantrums as a toddler, he's 5 now and is largely very well behaved. Have a 9mo baby and waiting with baited breath for the tantrums to start.

pandapots · 27/08/2021 19:08

Please don't feel bad, you didn't do anything wrong, kids have tantrums!

My bus journey from hell was non tantrum related, with my 2 DD's and DH. My eldest DD (then 3) had an ear infection but we needed to take her to a hospital appointment about something else. On the way home (a long and winding route) she spectacularly threw up all over my DH. I was holding my youngest DD (a baby). Thankfully a kind lady offered to hold the baby (who promptly screamed her head off) whilst I attempted to clean up the with 2 muslins and some wet wipes on a moving bus (did I mention the winding route at all). Meanwhile a group of school kids looked on in absolute horror.

We couldn't even get off the bus as we lived rurally and it was in the middle of nowhere with the next bus not due for 2 hours. So we spent half an hour in absolute shame. I just managed not to cry until we got home.

It took me months to brave the bus again (which was quite something as we didn't have a car). When I did eventually brave it again I saw the nice lady again which brought all the shame back!

Pastnowfuture · 27/08/2021 19:09

His behaviour is totally normal. Those people on the bus were once toddlers having tantrums themselves. Sounds like a horrid experience but try not to let it put you off travelling x

Kanaloa · 27/08/2021 19:13

He’s one year old! It’s annoying and flustering as the parent but if you don’t want to listen to other people’s noise (including small children crying) then you need to look at whether or not you can walk rather than using public transport. Unfortunately when you use public transport you are exposed to the public.

Sorry that woman was rude. Just ignore that type of thing, a 14 month old will have outbursts.

RobynNora · 27/08/2021 19:13

You poor thing. They sound like total idiots. If it makes you feel better, my experience the most challenging little kids are often the super intelligent adults. Don’t let it put you off.

The mum who rebuked you is not a nice person.

Minesril · 27/08/2021 19:16

People are weird. Stuff which annoys me more than crying babies on public transport:

People with noisy headphones
Drunk people
People eating
People rustling carrier bags
Loud people
People who don't give a parent with a crying baby their seat (if I could sit down I could BF it and then it'll stop crying, wow!).

Honestly when I hear a crying baby I'm just glad it's not mine and I don't have to deal with it!

BronwenFrideswide · 27/08/2021 19:18

Don't let those bastards put you off going out again.

Your son is a child, children tantrum, the complainers are adults and should know how to behave the fault lies with them not you or your child.

YouJustDoYou · 27/08/2021 19:19

Oh op, they were just arseholes. I've found it's depended where in this country I've been with my then tantrumming son, going back to certain counties where people are more short tempered etc was awful - lots of stares, tuts etc. But then we moved down to the coast and oh my totally different. People would see me getting hot and stressed and upset and offer to help me hold the trolley whilst I wrestled him in (usually shopped from home but no slots), or would come over to me to say how they remembered what it was like and to try not to worry, I was doing a great job etc. Such kindness and understanding, and all it took was a different county. Honestly, don't pay those people any mind. Sometimes we just can't be so privileged as to be able to drive, we have no one to go do the shopping for us or watch the children, so we do what we have to do, and one day I hope you'll be able to look back at these days and scoff at those ignorant judgemental arseholes, but for now, you are doing your very best and you're a great mum, never forget that.

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