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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feeling awful and dont want to go out in public with toddler again

86 replies

Motherofking · 27/08/2021 18:50

I was on the bus with my toddler and had 2 stops left till I get off when he started tantrum .. it was because he wanted to get out of his pram . In the past I have taken him out and sat down with him on my lap however this time I couldn't do that as I had bags and seats were full so I was standing . I tried to sooth him but it made him worst so I just ignored him with the hope that he will go quiet . This lady who had two kids with her rudely asked me if I had something to put in his mouth to feed him or quiet him . I told her he's fine and just wanted to get out of the pram . Anyways after that encounter I got off the bus and to prove it was a tantrum my son was immediately quiet. He always does this when ever I stop moving the pram . Anyways I was embarrassed by this lady,, there was also these men on the bus complaining under their breathe . I feel so awkward going on public transport again if I can avoid it I will

OP posts:

Needapoodle · 27/08/2021 19:19

To be fair sustained crying in a confined space is really annoying and if I saw you just leaving him to it I would probably have rolled my eyes and muttered under my breath too.

What an apt username you have.

334bu · 27/08/2021 19:20

Probably everybody here has been in your shoes. My worst was in a shop with my two1/2 year old twin son shrieking at me not to break his twin sister's arm as I tried to pick her up when she was doing her version of a screaming plank.

Needapoodle · 27/08/2021 19:21

If those people don't want to share a bus with other people who might be noisy, they can get a car, cycle or walk. I don't like people who chatter, talk on their phones or eat on the bus but as we all have an equal right to get where we are going i get over myself.

Screwyoularry · 27/08/2021 19:22

It happens, we've all been there. Carry on with your day & don't give it another thought (ok you can think about all the whitty responses you could had given her). Chuck it in the fuck it bucket.

MidgeRidge · 27/08/2021 19:32

Sorry it made you feel so rubbish.
I stood my ground once with my daughter, in the middle of town, right by a busy flower stall. She wanted her dummy, which she only ever had when she was getting ready to sleep. She was always one to push boundaries so when she started screaming and refusing to move, I was determined not to give in, despite my embarrassment. Only after she eventually quietened down and I was close to tears did I realise it actually was naptime and she was quite within her rights to ask for her dummy 😳

Nowthisisme · 27/08/2021 19:33

@ISpyCobraKai

This is what chocolate buttons are for.

Why should the OP have to resort to junk food to reward her little one for having a tantrum? OP it’s normal. Everyone knows that toddlers tantrum and most people are kind and feel for you. Ignore the odd grumpy sod!!

MidgeRidge · 27/08/2021 19:36

You did fine - crying children are annoying, there’s no denying that, but it’s not like you were on the bus for an hour. People sometimes just don’t have any empathy. Apparently I cried the whole way from Heathrow to Munich on the plane when I was a baby. I would understand those passengers being a bit miffed!

SunshineCake · 27/08/2021 19:41

Your child was doing what his job is. He was letting you know he wanted something
Console yourself that the complaining adults haven't learnt compassion yet. They haven't learnt their job yet.

Original poster

Motherofking · 27/08/2021 19:41

Thanks for your responses . I feel better hearing that other people have been through this and it's normal . Lockdown and covid kept me indoors alot so I've not been around other toddlers I've also only been on public transport with him 4 times in total so I've never had to deal with this which is why I got embarrassed as well .

OP posts:

Bagelsandbrie · 27/08/2021 19:45

Please don’t let this put you off. In years to come you’ll laugh about this - trust me. You’ll be telling your older child about the time he used to scream blue murder on the bus etc etc and you’ll all laugh. This is really normal toddler stuff. Although it feels awful at the time!!

My son has autism and frequently screams and shouts in public. You just learn to grow a hard skin and ignore people’s reactions. One time I had to carry him out of a shopping centre sideways screaming as a toddler… that was fun.

possibleimpossible · 27/08/2021 19:49

Please don't feel embarrassed or let it put you off, toddlers have tantrums it's just what they do.
That woman had no right to comment, I'd probably have snapped back at her, she's got children herself she should know better.

NoSquirrels · 27/08/2021 19:49

We’ve all had those days, OP. Don’t let it put you off heading out and about. Eventually DC get easier to distract and also you get a thicker skin for the judgemental people.

EarringsandLipstick · 27/08/2021 19:51

Like everyone has said, we've all been there. Everyone who has ever had a toddler has had a moment of sweat-running-down-your-back, get-me-out-of-here stress.

You did nothing wrong. The woman was a wagon.

Put it behind you & keep going out & about as you need to 💐

Honeymare · 27/08/2021 19:56

I voted yabu but just for caring what they thought. The cheek of them. I always find the bystanders glaring at the mother of a roaring child maddening, it's not like she is enjoying it.

I would have a stock phrase for this situation. Something like "I can see my child crying is bothering you. Nobody wants her to stop more than me. If I could do anything about it I would." And turn away.

DoucheCanoe · 27/08/2021 20:10

@Needapoodle read my next post...

And thank you for noticing my username, TCG for the win

Thesearmsofmine · 27/08/2021 20:13

Don’t let it put you off. Most people understand and parents are usually just glad it isn’t their own child.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/08/2021 20:16

There’s not always anything you can do. I don’t think the suggestion of “put something in his mouth” was a very nice or sensible one!

You were about to get off so best to just wait it out as you did.

But ywbu never to go out again!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/08/2021 20:17

The noise is like knives in your head though isn’t it? I do think the other passengers were unreasonable still - I do feel for parents of babies and toddlers.

Danikm151 · 27/08/2021 20:18

When my devil child wants to get out of the pushchair but the bus is busy I resort to singing nursery rhymes to him.
I don’t care if it annoys other people. Singing songs and him laughing is much better than his screaming. We get the bus every day to go to nursery and work. Drivers are used to us now and and the regulars who get the bus at the same time. 😂

BelleOfTheProvince · 27/08/2021 20:20

Ignore those judgemental prats.
This was us last time we went out with grandparents. Didn't help that grandma(who is a bit deaf) kept loudly pointing out other children who had epic tantrums too.
LOOK, THEIR BABY IS SCREAMING Belle.
Everyone in place looks at you.
Cue our baby screaming too.
Try not to rely too much on iPads etc incase the battery runs out haha!

Anyway, stupid people. What did they expect you to do, drop roll off the bus?!

FTEngineerM · 27/08/2021 20:27

It’s crap that that random stranger said that to you. I agree with PP just get back on the bus to avoid it becoming a thing.

Ours is the same age and today started crying in a hot sweaty card shop. The people in front were faffing for ages about which balloons to get and I though yah know what, you’re also being annoying.. everyone is a little bit annoying really. So when they turned around to judge I smiled right back at them whilst stroking my sons head as he fussed.

Two minutes isn’t going to harm anyone.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 27/08/2021 20:27

We don't use public transport due to the noise it would cause my autistic son to freak out. I lead him away from crying babies before he kicks off through sensory overload. That's not your fault though and it's not nice to be confronted but we also have to bare in mind it will affect other people.

Bunnycat101 · 27/08/2021 20:28

It is horrible when toddlers do it. A 14m old is still a baby really and babies cry and are unpredictable. You have the same right to use public transport as everyone else.

I did find with mine though that tantrums only really happened when they were tired, hungry or overwhelmed. There are things you can do to try and spot or pre-empt the warning signs but you’ll never be able to stop them all. I was at the science museum over the holidays and there were a lot of very grumpy 1-2 year olds. I’d left mine in nursery and had been feeling guilty about just taking our eldest until I saw how many little ones were totally imploding. I’m sure mine would have been one of them.

Queenie6655 · 27/08/2021 20:29

I'm so sorry

Sounds like you are doing a great job

How dare she say this

Awful thing to do xxxxx

DeflatedGinDrinker · 27/08/2021 20:29

No one looks autistic so I know for sure people have thought him rude in the past for not being able to bare their screaming children.

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