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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feeling awful and dont want to go out in public with toddler again

86 replies

Motherofking · 27/08/2021 18:50

I was on the bus with my toddler and had 2 stops left till I get off when he started tantrum .. it was because he wanted to get out of his pram . In the past I have taken him out and sat down with him on my lap however this time I couldn't do that as I had bags and seats were full so I was standing . I tried to sooth him but it made him worst so I just ignored him with the hope that he will go quiet . This lady who had two kids with her rudely asked me if I had something to put in his mouth to feed him or quiet him . I told her he's fine and just wanted to get out of the pram . Anyways after that encounter I got off the bus and to prove it was a tantrum my son was immediately quiet. He always does this when ever I stop moving the pram . Anyways I was embarrassed by this lady,, there was also these men on the bus complaining under their breathe . I feel so awkward going on public transport again if I can avoid it I will

OP posts:

ladygindiva · 27/08/2021 20:32

Forget it and move on. I've had to develop thick skin, my twins have tantrummed and shown me up in every premises in my home town
. I just put it out of my mind and forget it, otherwise I would have nowhere to go.

Yummymummy2020 · 27/08/2021 20:36

This is us all the time!!! You are not alone op toddlers generally hate being confined to buggies🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s the way of the world! Mine hates it and sometimes distraction will work sometimes it won’t! Just know that this season will pass and they won’t need to be in a buggy forever!!!

DoucheCanoe · 27/08/2021 20:39

@DeflatedGinDrinker we've been on both sides of that too!

DS is Autistic and crying is total sensory overload for him so he will build up to a meltdown which of course makes him look like a bit prat to those who don't know him.

However, he has also been the one making irritating tics and annoying others without realising.

We need to do our best to stifle/avoid both situations but sometimes there's nothing you can do.

Wakeywakey86 · 27/08/2021 20:40

She sounds like a total bitch!
I'm sure her two are always so saintly 😇 🙄
Don't let it put you off. Babies and children cry and if they don't like it, they can get a taxi or something. They don't get to choose who else uses the public transport 🤷🏼‍♀️
Hope both her kids have the mother of all tantrums while she's alone with them in Tesco's ... she hiw she likes the judgement!

Viviennemary · 27/08/2021 20:42

I think you need to do something other than pretending its not happening. Parents not dealing with things is far more annoying than a noisy child having a tantrum.

Fullerene · 27/08/2021 20:47

I feel for you.

Many moons ago, when my eldest was a toddler, we were on the bus and they started throwing a tantrum, crying their little eyes out, wouldn't be soothed in any way etc.

A young man came down from upstairs and started having a massive go at me, shouting that I'm unfit to be a mother and should never have had kids.

I was on my own (single mum at the time), no one on the full bus said anything and I was far too shocked to speak up for myself.

In hindsight I know this was far more about him than me or the situation; maybe he had just been separated from his own kids and felt the need to let it out on me. But it sucked big hairy ones at the time.

Don't let it get to you x

pecanmix · 27/08/2021 20:48

@ISpyCobraKai

This is what chocolate buttons are for.

Ooooo you'll get in trouble on MN for giving them sugar !! 😁😁

PrincessNutella · 27/08/2021 20:49

Pretty sure they're still talking about my screaming toddler at the Smithsonian Museum and he's 27 now.

1forAll74 · 27/08/2021 20:49

I agree, don't be put off the travel because of this, Small children having a tantrum or crying,is quite a regular occurence, and can happen all over the place, with the added annoyance of people who may make comments about the little scene.

I was once sat next to a woman in a shopping precinct, she had the same thing happen with her small child, and the Mum was obviously feeling bad about her child screaming and crying, I just leaned over towards her, and started talking to the child , and the child immediately stopped screaming, looked at me, and started laughing and clapping in a child like way, as in something that just waylaid the child, who was crying for no reason really. I was holding a carrier bag at the time, and the child was trying to look inside it, so all in all, being occupied with something different, quietened the child down,

AuntMasha · 27/08/2021 20:51

I’m childless, but grew up with an adhd sibling who would make a lot of noise in public, mortifying my poor Mum and so I always feel for the parents of screaming toddlers. It’s just a toddler/baby doing what they do, so cut these mums some slack.

Hope you feel better soon, OP.

MrsMoastyToasty · 27/08/2021 20:52

Just ignore them. These people were once toddlers once upon a time.

RoseGoldEagle · 27/08/2021 20:59

Toddlers have tantrums, it’s understandable and developmentally appropriate behaviour. Am not sure what the adults excuse for such rudeness is.

BelleOfTheProvince · 27/08/2021 21:00

Not if the chocolate buttons are a reward for mum for surviving a tantrum.
Limit to one button per tantrum op or you'll put on weight!

Tal45 · 27/08/2021 21:00

Get back on that bus OP! Don't let a few moany buggers close your world down. You did everything you could!! I remember people commenting on my toddler when he tantrummed and I've moaned under my breath about other people's toddler now mine has grown up. It's just what people do because other people's kids can seem very annoying! Just know you're doing your best and that's all you can do.

milkyawayday · 27/08/2021 21:17

I feel your pain. My kid has shown me right up in public before. Its bad enough on its own without other parents shaming you

It happened to me too. I couldn't shake off the anger and shame that woman inflicted on le. Its the implication that you're a shit parent that chips away

annacondom · 27/08/2021 21:19

Yep. Hopefully, next time you're on the bus it won't be the same people! Don't let them get to you. I remember DS lying down in a shop and having a full-on tantrum. I was with MIL and SIL and they were both tutting at him and at me. Ho hum. Tomorrow is another day.

Yesitsbess · 27/08/2021 21:29

Don't let it get to you OP, sounds like you are a conscientious traveller.

If it helps, I was bringing my son back form a trip out one day on the bus and he decided (at 3 months old I think) that he was VERY hungry and he needed a poo.

But, dear reader, it was not just a poo. It was a poonami. You know those ones that shoot out the neck of the babygrow? ONE OF THOSE!

So I had to go the last stop (thank God, His Cherubim, Seraphim, Cloud attendants and Beard Trimmers it wasn't more than that) with one boob out feeding an actual shit machine whilst frantically wrapping him in muslin squares so he didn't drip poop everywhere and then scooping him, still latched on, and his accompanying stench up with one hand and grabbing his pushchair with the other.

I cried the entire walk home but can laugh about it now. Am also saving that story for his 18th

Justgettingbye · 27/08/2021 21:32

Don't worry! Won't be the first or last toddler seen tantrumming. You tried to soothe him it didn't work and the stop was near I don't think you did anything wrong

Laserbird16 · 27/08/2021 21:39

Get back.on the bus literally and metaphorically.

Toddlers have tantrums and anyone who thinks that they should never be upset or frustrated is silly. I'd second getting that back of chocolate buttons and reward yourself for surviving *raises three fingers in salute like Katniss

SleepingStandingUp · 27/08/2021 21:46

Oh screw them op.

None of us enjoy a screaming kid on a bus but frankly no one enjoys it less than the parents so people need to not judge.

I have 20 mo twins. Sometimes constant food and drink work. Sometimes not. Sometimes incessant singing from me. Sometimes tickling. Some time nothing on god damn earth will shut them up.

Its life. It'll stop eventually

Melrose86 · 27/08/2021 21:47

People complaining about parents just ignoring tantrums drives me mad! Well done for being amazing parents but some of us try our best yet still have toddlers who throw massive tantrums that nothing will stop. The same people complaining about the tantrums would be complaining if you gave your child a dummy or an ipad! I just don't understand why people feel the need to give unhelpful and rude comments when tantrums happen

PennyWus · 27/08/2021 22:02

Oh just ignore the haters on the bus! Of course you should go on public transport again. 95% of us have had to go through the embarrassment of multiple public tantrums by our kids. It is frustrating and mortifying. I had a horrible scene at a bus stop once, two older ladies there were so rude to me I almost battered them!

PumpkinPie2016 · 27/08/2021 22:17

Ignore them OP at 14 months, your son is still a baby really. Babies/toddlers cry and have tantrums- it's just what they do

Not the same situation but when my son was about 2, I took him to a music session where they used puppets. He liked music and soft toys so I thought he'd love.

He.......didn't!!

He hated the puppets, cried and when the lady tried to bring the puppet near him, he whacked it

Needless to say, we left early

Actupfishy · 27/08/2021 22:22

The woman with 2 kids should have bloodywell known better - don’t you dare let them stop you using PT! Maybe someone could have offered you their seat so you could soothe him instead of being judgemental dicks!

Dragon50 · 27/08/2021 22:29

You have my sympathy OP. Don’t let this put you off being in public spaces, DC need to learn and yours will in time.

It’s not nice for other people but that’s life on public transport.

I tend to sing and talk a lot to my DC ad have since birth. I always walk with oaty bars, raisins, strawberries. I have an emergency toy that stays hidden in the pram. If desperate my keys or phone.

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