To refuse to give the deposit for this particular house?

[MissMarpleTheMurderer]

Aibu to get involved and stop my sister (Anna) from buying her son (my nephew-Brian) the house next door?

Anna is a very strong character, single parent for many years but now has a lovely partner, but she wears the trousers in everything (and did so when we were growing up, very driven, confident and wants what she wants)

Brian (going into year 9, so 13 nearly 14) is the polar opposite, lovely quiet kid but prone to anxiety, worries more than normal but certainly not crippling, attends school doing well. Has a select group of friends that Anna approves of but isn't allowed to socialise freely, isn't allowed down the park or beach etc only allowed around approved households or when she is with him. Our parents have mentioned that Brian needs more freedom but Anna disagrees.

Now the issue, I've agreed (a long time ago, but more than happy to do so) to put a deposit down on a house, which will be rented out until Brian is old enough to live there. The money is from a house sale elsewhere in the country and I now have the funds.

I have found a great house in the same area but Anna has been talking to the neighbours and has found out they are planning on selling and wants to buy this house. I feel this will become an extension of Anna's house and that Brian won't actually ever be able to move out. Anna says that his anxiety means that he won't be able to live apart from her, but I feel she smothers him.

AIBU to get involved, and I should let Anna buy the house next door or

AINBU and it is reasonable to not release the funds so that Brian can have a place nearby but not next door

Find an independent financial adviser who can help you get the best return for your investment, they will also be able to set up a trust for the ultimate benefit of Brian.

I totally get why you want to do this and I would do the same for my kids if I had the cash.

I would buy a house that is never intended for Brian to live in, it’s either an income for him or to be sold to provide a deposit for him to buy a property of his choosing when he’s a bit older.

Perhaps you should buy a couple of cheap flats in an area that will always be popular with renters in a neighbouring town or something?

@FlumpsAreShit
I was thinking exactly this!

Do people on here actually understand what a trust is when they say put it in a trust? Because if they do then I don’t understand why people think a 13 year old can’t own a house, you just put (at least) two trustees names on the deeds and they hold it for him, the same as if you put it in a bank account in trust for him.

The whole situation sounds bizarre. Why are you having to channel your own money into buying a house for a teenage relative that is not your child? Very odd. The mother of the child sounds overbearing. The whole thing is too strange to take seriously.

If you really want to throw a ton of your own money at your sisters child, you should set up a trust or something that is controlled by you or trusted managers, not your dominating sister.

@TheRebelle I made the point about trusts because actually it's not as straightforward as trustees on a bank account - in the 5 years they have control over the house they will have to make numerous decisions, often just best guesses, about how best to manage it for Brian. Yes they have a legal responsibility not to cock it up, but he'll be 18, he's not going to sue his own mum for having let out his house to her dodgy mate who won't leave or failing to do any repairs so the roof caved in.

This is what I love about MN - it's so easy to get fixated on something (in this case, you KNOW buying a house for him is the best option, it's just the location that's the issue) but after chatting with disinterested strangers, it makes you think seriously about the drawbacks of this course of action.

Agree, and why I love it as well. This is not something I would discuss with my friends and it is really helpful to have a range of views. I was set on property because its what I know and makes financial sense, (and I have everything covered and pay a lot for the advice I receive) but I hadn't considered how what had meant to be a welcome helping hand could turn into a mill stone. I will have to discuss it with my sister as I have no desire to be seen to renegade on my offer, but I think an alternative will be better. (Ie hadn't considered putting towards a pension, will seek further advice)

To those that think it is strange, I can help someone who matters greatly to me, if I could help with therapy as a pp said I certainly would, I do not think the current situation is healthy but as with all family relationships its complicated getting involved. (Which was point of this post, I was wondering if I was overstepping the mark by refusing to put towards next door)

@raspberrymuffin I take your point but the OP seems to know what she’s doing with property and I’m certain she wasn’t going to hand a 13 year old the keys and say right go and find yourself some tenants you’re on your own now kid!

I just think a lot of people on here jump to “put it in a trust” for anything to do with money for kids, without actually understanding what a trust is, and as interest rates are so shit at the minute I can completely understand why a property is an attractive option over a bank account.

Is the deposit a loan or a gift?

If a gift I'd be more inclined to put it in a high interest account for him to pick his own house when he's older. I suspect if his mother is smothering him now he will want to get well away from that when he's older.

You can't give a child legal title to a house...

Could you put it in a trust until he's 30 (is that allowed anymore?!) and retain control. That way if he manages to break free of your sister you can release funds at his request, but if you think he's asking for the money on that behest of his mother you can decline it.

The whole thing is massively bonkers. It's kind of you to want to care for Brian, set up a trust instead.

I agree.

I don’t know the solution here, but can you be my aunty too please Miss Marple?