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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to give the deposit for this particular house?

113 replies

MissMarpleTheMurderer · 27/08/2021 12:30

Aibu to get involved and stop my sister (Anna) from buying her son (my nephew-Brian) the house next door?

Anna is a very strong character, single parent for many years but now has a lovely partner, but she wears the trousers in everything (and did so when we were growing up, very driven, confident and wants what she wants)

Brian (going into year 9, so 13 nearly 14) is the polar opposite, lovely quiet kid but prone to anxiety, worries more than normal but certainly not crippling, attends school doing well. Has a select group of friends that Anna approves of but isn't allowed to socialise freely, isn't allowed down the park or beach etc only allowed around approved households or when she is with him. Our parents have mentioned that Brian needs more freedom but Anna disagrees.

Now the issue, I've agreed (a long time ago, but more than happy to do so) to put a deposit down on a house, which will be rented out until Brian is old enough to live there. The money is from a house sale elsewhere in the country and I now have the funds.

I have found a great house in the same area but Anna has been talking to the neighbours and has found out they are planning on selling and wants to buy this house. I feel this will become an extension of Anna's house and that Brian won't actually ever be able to move out. Anna says that his anxiety means that he won't be able to live apart from her, but I feel she smothers him.

AIBU to get involved, and I should let Anna buy the house next door or

AINBU and it is reasonable to not release the funds so that Brian can have a place nearby but not next door

OP posts:
Kiduknot · 27/08/2021 13:09

How will it be his? How will it be set up and organised?

Proudboomer · 27/08/2021 13:11

A 13 year old cannot own property in the uk. If a house is bought now for him it will have to beheld in trust until he is 18.
Once he is 18 it will be up to him if he wants to keep or sell the house.

I can’t see anything wrong with the plan as long as a proper trust is set up.

Kiduknot · 27/08/2021 13:11

Can a child uphold property? I didn’t think so 🤔

Kiduknot · 27/08/2021 13:12

Whose name will the mortgage be in?

Driftingblue · 27/08/2021 13:12

A big part of this is who will pay the mortgage and manage the rental. If it’s Anna, then she will control the house anyway. Plus it would be easier if it’s next door.

Original poster
MissMarpleTheMurderer · 27/08/2021 13:12

@Margo34

Buy a house yourself with your money (the next door one, if you want) and rent it out, any proceeds ploughed back in to maintain the property or put in savings for Brian later on - don't know if you can do this in Trust for Brian, worth checking.

When Brian is old enough and ready to own a property, sell the house and gift to Brian to reinvest in a property of his choosing.

His mother has nothing to do with it as its not for her benefit now or later, it's for Brian.

Had I known how my sister would parent her son I would have never made the offer. I would have still provided for Brian but without her knowledge, the problem is she had known this was the plan from when Brian was small. She is very forceful, I think refusing to put it into a house and put it in trust is probably the way forward, although will need to look into how to make sure it is his.
OP posts:
knittingaddict · 27/08/2021 13:13

@Mosaic123

If the house is solely in Brian's name he will be able to sell it when he is an adult so maybe no need to worry.
A house cannot be owned by a 13 year old.
Hankunamatata · 27/08/2021 13:13

Dont tie the child to a house. If he is a mellow fellow then he wont branch out and make his own decisions if they are made for him.

knittingaddict · 27/08/2021 13:14

It sounds like a mess. I would put the deposit money into a fund for when he is an actual adult and let him decide where to live.

EarringsandLipstick · 27/08/2021 13:15

Regards the intricacies of the financial set up, it will be Brian's, I'm confident that all that is covered (including all eventualities)

How though? I'm just curious. Can a 13 yo own a house? He certainly can't make any decisions about tenants, carry out repairs, and deal with the finances. So that would have to be you or your DSis.

You've a lot more worries than just your sister & the house location.

I find this unbelievable tbh, and you didn't answer how you were proposing to do this & make it Brian's.

GrolliffetheDragon · 27/08/2021 13:15

This is a terrible idea, both for Brian when he's an adult, and for any tenants in the meantime, because from what you've said it sounds like she could be a nightmare to anyone renting the house as well.

Original poster
MissMarpleTheMurderer · 27/08/2021 13:16

@Hankunamatata

Dont tie the child to a house. If he is a mellow fellow then he wont branch out and make his own decisions if they are made for him.
This is really helpful thank you. I have been thinking of the best financial return but you are right, even if I buy the house in our town it will be too easy to just end up there, to not think about where he actually wants to live.
OP posts:
n11e · 27/08/2021 13:17

put the money aside and give it to him when he's older. The house is clearly going to cause lots of family drama.

LeafOfTruth · 27/08/2021 13:19

Whilst having someone buy you a house might sound a dream it's Brian I genuinely feel sorry for because, to be brutally honest, it sounds like you both are trying to control his life and using a house to do so.

His mum by keeping him close and you by deciding that is not going to be good for him.

I agree with buying a rental investment without any ties to Brian. Then deciding when he is an adult whether or not it's right to sell that house to give him some money towards his own place.

Motherofcats007 · 27/08/2021 13:20

I get what you’re trying to do here, to secure a good financial future for Brian. I’m just worried with your sisters personality it is going to make the tenants life a living hell. Buy a buy to let in another high growth area, rent it out, and then when Brian is ready to move out and buy his own property, he can sell it and move wherever he wants to

yoyo1234 · 27/08/2021 13:20

Be very careful with capital gains tax implications if it is rented out. I think trust fund and invest the money. He gets it at an age you think is appropriate. This (I think) would probably yield better returns if invested well than in a property that is rented. It may be hard to get a good mortgage rate if property in child's name.

MargosKaftan · 27/08/2021 13:23

Dont do this.

Buy a house in your own name as a BTL in different area /different part of town. You are under no obligation to tell Anna or Brian about this.

Tell your sister sorry, your finances haven't worked out the way you hoped, but hopefully when Brian is at a stage to buy his own first home, you'll be in a better position to help him with deposit, just not now.

Mentally earmark that house /flat as Brians. When he's ready to leave home (18 or later if he goes to uni), tell him you have a BTL you are happy to sell to him for whats left on the mortgage, or you are going to sell and give him the equity to buy his own place.

Or keep it for your own investment and release enough equity to give him a nice deposit.

Original poster
MissMarpleTheMurderer · 27/08/2021 13:24

@EarringsandLipstick

Regards the intricacies of the financial set up, it will be Brian's, I'm confident that all that is covered (including all eventualities)

How though? I'm just curious. Can a 13 yo own a house? He certainly can't make any decisions about tenants, carry out repairs, and deal with the finances. So that would have to be you or your DSis.

You've a lot more worries than just your sister & the house location.

I find this unbelievable tbh, and you didn't answer how you were proposing to do this & make it Brian's.

Report me, I'm not a troll MN can confirm. Whilst I understand posters interest in the financial side, I am not compelled to answer nor do I have any wish to divulge because I do not require help with the financial side of this issue. I wanted to check I wasn't being unreasonable to refuse to buy the house next door, and it has been interesting that people think iabu buying a house in the first place. I was thinking of money, the posters that say I could also be restricting his future choices have been really helpful. I want to widen not shrink his world.
OP posts:
TheWoleb · 27/08/2021 13:27

If you buy this and put it into his name when he turns 18, then he becomes legally responsible for the tenants and all the stuff they would require from a landlord.

If he decides that he doesn't want to live in it and sells it to buy somewhere else then he loses out on a first time buyer mortgage.

Just put the money into a trust. And dont talk to your sister about it. It isnt her money and it will never be her money. Put it aside for him.

Missreginafalange · 27/08/2021 13:28

Could you buy a house of your choosing and then sell it and give him the proceeds when he is of an age, that way you are getting the best return for your money and Brian doesn't feel obligated to leave next door to mummy for the rest of his life and can do what he wishes with this lone tarry gift...

Missreginafalange · 27/08/2021 13:28

Live not leave*

Wagglerock · 27/08/2021 13:31

Poor Brian. This sounds like a nightmare situation. I think some money in trust would be a good idea but a significant life changing sum? Nah, I'm not sure that's wise. There's so many what ifs - what if he's a drug addict or a boy racer and buys himself a huge high performance car. Similarly buying a house for him sounds awful - being suddenly responsibly for a house when you're 18 and finding your way in the world doesn't sound fun. It's ok saying, well you can just sell it but selling a house isn't exactly a quick or easy or cheap process.

Blossomtoes · 27/08/2021 13:32

If he decides that he doesn't want to live in it and sells it to buy somewhere else then he loses out on a first time buyer mortgage

If he already owns a house outright I imagine that will be the least of his worries!

Buy a house of your choice in your name @MissMarpleTheMurderer. Rent it out, invest the rental income in Brian’s name and give him the money and the house when he’s old enough to make sensible decisions.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 27/08/2021 13:35

Giving him a house is just giving him a whole load of hassle.

Go with the trust fund suggested. Under no circumstances make his mother a trustee. It's a good idea to have a professional trustee as well as, for example, you. My son's other trustee is a solicitor and it makes things very straightforward.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 27/08/2021 13:36

That reads like I'm giving you orders! Blush I am just offering a suggestion.