To refuse to give the deposit for this particular house?

[MissMarpleTheMurderer]

Aibu to get involved and stop my sister (Anna) from buying her son (my nephew-Brian) the house next door?

Anna is a very strong character, single parent for many years but now has a lovely partner, but she wears the trousers in everything (and did so when we were growing up, very driven, confident and wants what she wants)

Brian (going into year 9, so 13 nearly 14) is the polar opposite, lovely quiet kid but prone to anxiety, worries more than normal but certainly not crippling, attends school doing well. Has a select group of friends that Anna approves of but isn't allowed to socialise freely, isn't allowed down the park or beach etc only allowed around approved households or when she is with him. Our parents have mentioned that Brian needs more freedom but Anna disagrees.

Now the issue, I've agreed (a long time ago, but more than happy to do so) to put a deposit down on a house, which will be rented out until Brian is old enough to live there. The money is from a house sale elsewhere in the country and I now have the funds.

I have found a great house in the same area but Anna has been talking to the neighbours and has found out they are planning on selling and wants to buy this house. I feel this will become an extension of Anna's house and that Brian won't actually ever be able to move out. Anna says that his anxiety means that he won't be able to live apart from her, but I feel she smothers him.

AIBU to get involved, and I should let Anna buy the house next door or

AINBU and it is reasonable to not release the funds so that Brian can have a place nearby but not next door

I am reminded of the sitcom sorry!

@Blossomtoes

But he wont own it outright. The OP only has the money for the deposit and is going to rent it out to cover the mortgage (at least, that what it sounds like). He'll be getting added to a mortgage on a house he didnt choose, with tenants. That's a headache being handed to him.

@Wagglerock

Poor Brian. This sounds like a nightmare situation. I think some money in trust would be a good idea but a significant life changing sum? Nah, I'm not sure that's wise. There's so many what ifs - what if he's a drug addict or a boy racer and buys himself a huge high performance car. Similarly buying a house for him sounds awful - being suddenly responsibly for a house when you're 18 and finding your way in the world doesn't sound fun. It's ok saying, well you can just sell it but selling a house isn't exactly a quick or easy or cheap process.

I think this is a lot of the reason why I hadn't considered a trust fund, properties can be completly controlled by a management company so not necessarily a headache (although obviously not cheap)

Thanks for all that have taken time to reply, it's been helpful to have other thoughts as I need to be sure and firm when dealing with my sister.

I'vegotasong not at all, your input helps, I certainly do not want my sister as a trustee.

A child can’t get a mortgage. Who is paying the rest apart from your deposit?

Put the deposit in a trust for him so he can choose somewhere to live when he is older, choosing is part of the fun buying your first home 😁

I don’t think buying a house as an investment is a bad idea at all, if all the legalities can be worked out. I’m just skeptical of that part. We so often see threads on here where people have agreements about houses that rely on personal trust and.l not on the written paperwork and they inevitably get burned by the situation.

I think if you buy a house you’ll need to put it in your own name at this stage. Property can be a good return. Obviously that will incur higher stamp duty as a second home, and be listed as an asset of yours in terms of tax etc. Is that part of the reason you are looking to do it this way?

If it’s more about securing Brian’s future a trust fund might be a better option. Or even drip feeding into a help to buy ISA or similar over the next 5 - 10 years till he’s old enough to make that decision.

I definitely wouldn’t buy him a house next door to his mum. That feels quite stifling, as you say.

Trust fund or buy the house in your name rent and sell when Brian is old enough to make his own decisions.
As generous as your offer is, if he is the anxious or worrying type he might feel obliged to live in it and beholden for the generous start. You would be clipping his wings before he got a chance to find out whether he liked flying or not.

You don't have an option but to put it in trust. Legally Brian can't own property until he is 18, so the only option is a trust.

This all sounds highly messy.

Step away.

@Alternista

Why on earth is anyone buying a house for a 13 year old to live as an adult?

Let him grow up and make his own decisions. Give him the money at that point if you want to.

As an investment surely?

As others have said a 13 year old legally cannot own property in the UK - it will have to be kept in trust for him until he's 18 so you'd need to be extremely careful about who the trustees are (ie not your sister if she's that overbearing) and prepare them for drama.

If you have the cash then consider hanging on to it for now in case he wants to go away to uni and she decides to exert control by refusing to complete the forms for student funding or making it conditional on him staying local. This is a thing controlling parents sometimes do even when their child would be entitled to full funding, and you'd be doing something really outstandingly good by making it so he doesn't need to worry about that. I appreciate he could sell a house to achieve this goal, but that's a big legal faff for an anxious 18 year old with his mother breathing down his neck, not to mention a hostile neighbour putting off buyers.

You need to seek proper legal and financial advice on how best to achieve your objectives with regard to your nephew.

Investing in housing may seem attractive due to the huge historic gains in the market, but it is fraught with complexity and has very poor liquidity.

You may well get a much better (and much lower maintenance) return through a well-invested fund. You need advice here.

Regarding putting money in trust - a good lawyer will be able to discuss full range of options available to you, including a discretionary trust that will provide some protection against the money being squandered by an inexperienced young adult making bad decisions.

Seriously, get proper advice.

Well if you are buying and paying for the house, your sister can shove her opinion.

If Brian wants to live near her when he's an adult, he can sell whatever you buy and move in with Mummy Dearest.

FWIW I think you know all the dimensions, OP. YANBU to consider the issues that might arise if the default house location is his DM's neighbour as it would require an active decision to move away which will be more difficult to make if his DM doesn't want to encourage his development and she can use emotional blackmail to stretch the apron strings as far as next door.

Your choices are whether to make the investment in trust which would help with financial planning or not, whether that investment is then made in property which could be managed by an agent on a day to day basis even if the ultimate beneficiary if your DN and finally if a property is bought then where.

You sound really kind and arguably the choice of the neighbour's house might have adverse consequences to him when presumably your intention was entirely positive.

You might need to go against your DSis' wishes somewhat to act in your DN's longer-term interests if, as you appear to suspect, his anxiety is situational rather than baked in permanently. Your argument to your forceful DSis might have to be you made a choice that will maximise your DN's financial return to give him the maximum financial security if his anxiety will constrain his life and your judgement was that it would be best to invest either a house in a suitable price bracket in a different location 'where the market looks better' or an investment in stocks and shares if the housing market looks too 'toppy'.

You could probably try and reasure her or deflact anger by saying when he is looking to move out, he will ultimately have the option to sell up and buy a house near his DM if that is best for him or retain the investment if his anxiety means he'll always need to stay at home. Presumably he will hopefully run like the wind as soon as he can.

Good luck.

Hi OP,
It sounds like your nephew is very important to you. Is your will up to date so that it reflects how you want to leave your estate (for example if you die before making this gift)?

You're not unreasonable but it won't hurt for your sister to buy a house as an investment; when Brian is an adult he can make his own mind up about whether or not he lives there. Whatever happens, it won't be a wasted investment.

I second cheeseismydownfall - you need proper legal and investment advice.

I can see many downsides to being given a property at 18 - especially if there's a mortgage or tennants and TBH at that age I'd have heavily looked to my parents to guide me though whatever legal/money implications there were so you could well be increasing your sisters control and reducing your DS future options.

I am a landlord. Management companies don’t do and decide everything. Surprisingly, I have heard shares do better than houses in the long run.

In your position, I would invest the money and give your dn access to the money in stages. He may blow it up the wall at 18 if you don’t.

As for his parenting and anxiety, poor Brian. This was also my first reaction btw before reading the responses. He needs freedom. My dd is his age and she walks about, goes to the park, takes the bus to the city with a group of friends etc.

Giving your dn a house, albeit seemingly wonderful, comes with so many caveats and is also a bit controlling.

A rental can be a major headache especially if tenants don’t pay and have to be taken to court. Or tenants, who trash the place. What if there were a fire? Who organises and chooses new kitchens, bathrooms, insurance valuers and so forth?

I’m yet to come across a management agency, which would effectively manage a property so completely. Then even if you did, they’re not going to do it for 10/15%, you’d have to employ another company to project manage repair work, then lawyers, who would manage any legal work.

This all will seriously damage any profit and I personally would have a long think about where’re the rental income with all of the ensuing headaches will be worth the while.

It will be Brian's to do with as he pleases, he can sell, he can rent it out - well that obviously isn't true it is? Poor kid can't even go to the park so he's hardly like to be allowed by his overbearing mother to make such a huge financial decision is he? Honestly, you both sound as if you are overwhelming him in different ways, surely his future happiness and wellbeing should be more important to you than squeezing some extra percentages out of his inheritance?!

Invest the money in a buy to let property of your choosing which is in the best location to return you a reasonable rent and rate of return when the property is finally sold.
When your DN is ready to buy his first property, you can sell your buy to let to free up the funds for DN's deposit on a property of his choice, in an area that is relevant to his life at that point.

I know someone in a very similar position to this. The son is now in his mid 30s, hates the house, doesn't feel that he can sell it, and worse, feels as though the people that bought the house trapped him in a life he didn't want. He wanted to move to London (as far away as you can get really from where the house is) and do something completely different with his life.

He blames the people that bought the house.

Now you and I know he could have sold it and done whatever the hell he pleased, but he didn't feel like that. And he knows it makes him sound like a whingy martyr but that's the situation.

Do not buy a house for Brian. Buy a house if you want to and when he's/you're ready, sell it and give him the money. Or put the money in trust now. But, do not buy house that will be his.

YANBU. Say you don't feel it is in an adult's best interest to live that close to a parent and you will wait until he is 18 so you can consult him on where he might like to live. Or, if he goes to uni, wait until he's 21 and knows where we wants to find work. Pointless to do anything else.

What if Brian dies young? His estate will be left to his parents so you will have given your sister a house. It all sounds really stupid, tbh. Just invest the money however you want until the time comes where Brian has moved out and is planning where to live on a permanent basis. (When he first moved out he might just plan to study in a town and not live there long term). Then, if you still have a job and the money and your own home(as none of these are guaranteed in the future) you can offer to put money towards or buy him a place then. Why your sister and you are planning to do it now is odd and bad financial planning.

@Coconutscrub

YA BOTH BU

I think you should wait until Brian is a fully fledged adult and let him rule his own life.

This. It’s an utterly bizarre thing to do.

@Kiduknot

Poor Brian.

I agree it wouldn’t be kind to buy him the house next door.

Minors can't own houses, and there are property and tax implications for trusts.

Look into this a little further.

Also, it sounds weird.