Split costs on different incomes

[Depolo]

Household A: Income of £30000 per annum

Household B: Income of £128000 per annum (before tax/NI)

3 x children. 50/50 joint care between homes. No maintenance paid, but all joint costs split 50/50 ie uniform, school trips, dinner money. Children have two wardrobes provided at each household, costs are not shared for activities booked and organised at individual homes.

My question. Should joint costs be split 50/50 as per shared care agreement OR should costs be split on an income ratio.

There will be plenty of things moving forward that if the kids want to do he will need to fit the bill for, the expensive ski trips….. the New York trips in secondary etc. I think you just need to be honest about your disposal income and he must know how much you earn etc

@Longestsummerever23444

Has it been an issues before OP? I think 85 for a school bag is excessive- 20/25 is fine! School uniform from John Lewis isn’t excessive though. I’d say you can do the uniform half as that’s needed but the bags are OTT and be honest that you just can’t afford it- and say it was lovely of him to treat the kids. Moving forward there needs to a budget

Of course school uniform from JL is excessive if your budget is Asda.

OP tell him that you can't pay and he should have discussed with you if he intended to buy the high end version of everything.

Tell him that you will buy the uniforms next year, and will alternate years like this from now on. Therefore you both get to control the budget as you see fit.

It sounds like you need to have a conversation with ex about what you can afford (eg Asda uniform) and that if he wants more expensive than this, he can pay the extra cost himself.

Costs 50:50 if agreed regarding spending and custody is 50:50 is reasonable.

I assume you are claiming the child benefit, and possibly child tax credits/universal credit as well? As he wouldn't be eligible based on his income, but you are.

For three children, backpacks, full uniforms, trainers etc that sounds like a fairly normal total! Especially if the items are better quality, they will probably last longer than cheaper items and shouldn't need replacing as often, saving money in the long run.

It doesn't matter if his wife works / doesn't work for the company (I'm not sure how you can be 100% sure on this unless they run everything by you?) anything paid to her needs to be taken out of their household total earnings you're using to calculate this!

If you genuinely can't afford to pay the £300 odd, how much can you afford? Maybe offer that amount, then say you'll take care of a few more bits in the future until it's evened out? If you knew it was the school shop this week, you should have mentioned prior to the shopping your budget.

You just need to be clear with them from the outset what your budget is. Agree that when they buy anything over a certain value that they expect you to pay half for, then they have to get your agreement first.

Generally 50/50 sounds fine here.

It feels like you were hoping they'd pay for the uniform in full, because it was their week when the uniform was being bought. You've been caught out and are pissed that you have to pay your share. If you'd said to them beforehand that you knew it was uniform-buying-week and you expected to pay up to X as your share, they'd have known where they stood.

Also you can't factor in dividends that are paid to your ex's wife, even if they are playing the system.

I would send him the bill back as he has already paid for it and you not pay your 'share'. It's a piss take. I would go to local shops, supermarkets etc and cost up what you would pay for these items. List them for him and repay him half that amount with a text to say this is what a uniform costs and which you can afford. He can hardly sue you for the additional costs. I would be furious in your shoes. If you keep separate uniforms at each other's houses just keep the cheaper ones at your house, it would still be cheaper.

We're in a similar position to OP except our side is the one with the higher income.

For uniform, we find it easiest to split what we're buying rather than the bill, so each family can pay what they can afford - means no nasty surprises like that one. In theory it's 50/50 but in practice we pick up things like trainers, coat, blazer, etc, which tend to be the most costly aspect of the shop. It doesn't help this year but might be worth suggesting it going forward?

I agree it should be 50/50 but if it means the other option is DSS going without then we're happy to contribute more.

I think 85 for a school bag is excessive - not if you have a 6 figure income.

I think the split like LBOCS2 suggest might make sense, so you buy x items they buy y, then each family can choose according to their budget.

Tell him that you will buy the uniforms next year, and will alternate years like this from now on. Therefore you both get to control the budget as you see fit

This seems like a fair way to do it.

I think if you’d posted about your ex spending a huge amount (for your budget) on school stuff for your DCs, without any consultation, and then presenting you with a bill for half of it you’d have a different response.

Half of the cost of trainers needed for school PE - fine
Half of the cost of X branded trainers for school PE - not fine
Half the cost of a school bag - fine
Half the cost of an £85 school bag - not fine

There’s a huge difference in your budgets so it’s very unreasonable for him to splash out and then expect you to match his generosity.

@DuckDuckGooses

For three children, backpacks, full uniforms, trainers etc that sounds like a fairly normal total! Especially if the items are better quality, they will probably last longer than cheaper items and shouldn't need replacing as often, saving money in the long run.

It doesn't matter if his wife works / doesn't work for the company (I'm not sure how you can be 100% sure on this unless they run everything by you?) anything paid to her needs to be taken out of their household total earnings you're using to calculate this!

If you genuinely can't afford to pay the £300 odd, how much can you afford? Maybe offer that amount, then say you'll take care of a few more bits in the future until it's evened out? If you knew it was the school shop this week, you should have mentioned prior to the shopping your budget.

The household earnings is an interesting point. If only one person is the earner and their spouse a SAHM shouldn’t their entire salary be counted? It’s earned by one person . However much they decide to give SAHM is an expense of the main earner. Not money earned by a partner.

In the same way if one person runs the business all of the money is his. It doesn’t matter whose name is where for whatever tax dodging reason. If she doesn’t work for the business any money he choses to pay her is again his expense and not income earned by her.

@Carboncheque

I think if you’d posted about your ex spending a huge amount (for your budget) on school stuff for your DCs, without any consultation, and then presenting you with a bill for half of it you’d have a different response.

Half of the cost of trainers needed for school PE - fine
Half of the cost of X branded trainers for school PE - not fine
Half the cost of a school bag - fine
Half the cost of an £85 school bag - not fine

There’s a huge difference in your budgets so it’s very unreasonable for him to splash out and then expect you to match his generosity.

That's what did happen, didn't it?

Did uniform week fall on your week last year and how much was it then? Could you not message back "Last year the entire cost for all 3 kids was £250 and we paid £125 each. I can't afford to buy them branded stuff. Have you got receipts? I'm happy to take back and buy the more affordable versions" and take it from there?

The ‘should costs be split 50:50 if one family earns much more?’ is why 75% are saying YABU.

If it had been ‘should I have to pay half of the costs when ex has spent way over what I can afford/is necessary?’ would have a different result.

The usual line is 50/50 as that's the legal stand.

However up until fairly recently my exh earned more than double my salary, we have an almost 50/50 child arrangement but he paid me $250 a week support which enabled me to stay living in our very very expensive area as well as pay for after school care and swimming etc.

This arrangement suited him as he's rubbish with money and was happy to pay as long as it was a fixed weekly amount.

He viewed it as me being able to stay local (2 streets away) was of the greatest benefit to our son.

It really depends on the relationship between you, my exh and I are still close and consider one another family and I know if I were in his position I would do what I could to help him.

Sorry I didn't read the full thread, my ex would just pay for it, let me get it next time or you could just offer what you had budgeted?

From a quick Google, Asda’s bestselling grey school trousers for a 9 year old boy were £7 for two pairs. M&S’s most popular were £13 for two pairs. John Lewis’ bestselling grey school trousers for a 9 year old boy are £22 for two pairs. He chose the most expensive option (when you don’t have to buy from a prescribed uniform shop.)

@TractorAndHeadphones but that's just what is being assumed by the OP - who I'm guessing doesn't have full financial insight into how their finances work? Doesn't matter who's company it is if the money is going half to each of them, only count one half (the exHs half)? It's just a snappier 50/50 debate if OP includes the new wife's half too, makes it look more skewed in the OPs favour!

[quote DuckDuckGooses]@TractorAndHeadphones but that's just what is being assumed by the OP - who I'm guessing doesn't have full financial insight into how their finances work? Doesn't matter who's company it is if the money is going half to each of them, only count one half (the exHs half)? It's just a snappier 50/50 debate if OP includes the new wife's half too, makes it look more skewed in the OPs favour![/quote]
It’s not that dissimilar to a self employed man not declaring income to lower tax (& child payments). It’s not the same as it’s legal or borderline legal depending on how it’s done, but it’s just reshuffling his income to maximise the after taxes amount. He’s still really earning it all.

If I was on his income (which is his income whether he diverts half to his wife for tax purposes or not) then I'd want my kid to have the fancy bag and the JL quality trousers rather than Asda. But I wouldn't expect his lower earning parent to pay for it.

I think 50/50 is fair but should be agreed in advance. So school uniform was needed, you should have both discussed how much it should cost.

How about splitting it so he gets it this time, then when your kids next need shoes/bags/whatever you get it. That probs makes the most sense

Do you have a DH or is all the wage yours? You should just be focusing on your own earnings so half of 128, 30 etc. Fwiw I think that backpack is too expensive and is more Christmas present than back to school.

Fwiw I think with things like hobbies, if it's expensive I would be happy to pay more if I was the higher earner if it was me/the DC that decided to sign then up. So if I am into horses then I sign DC up to riding lessons but absorb the cost myself, if the ex wants the lessons they pay. If the DC requests it then I consider how much I want them to do it and offer a higher contribution if I think the sport is a good idea.

I think this is a good idea from a PP

Did uniform week fall on your week last year and how much was it then? Could you not message back "Last year the entire cost for all 3 kids was £250 and we paid £125 each. I can't afford to buy them branded stuff. Have you got receipts? I'm happy to take back and buy the more affordable versions" and take it from there?

I'm going to go completely against the grain on here and say I think the higher earner should contribute more than 50/50.
If I had extra disposable income I would want my dc to benefit from that.

@NannyAndJohn

Can't say until we know who is A and who is B.

Why does that matter?

It’s very late to be buying school uniform. Given such a disparity between incomes items like this should be agreed in advance though if they’re so wealthy I don’t blame them for shopping for better quality items. Better to buy once and so items last.!

Why don’t you just buy your kids things for when you take them to school