Split costs on different incomes

[Depolo]

Household A: Income of £30000 per annum

Household B: Income of £128000 per annum (before tax/NI)

3 x children. 50/50 joint care between homes. No maintenance paid, but all joint costs split 50/50 ie uniform, school trips, dinner money. Children have two wardrobes provided at each household, costs are not shared for activities booked and organised at individual homes.

My question. Should joint costs be split 50/50 as per shared care agreement OR should costs be split on an income ratio.

@NannyAndJohn

Can't say until we know who is A and who is B.

Why not? What difference does it make?

If I was the higher earner I would pay more, because I want the best for my kids and I don't seethe as a financial transaction. In fact, I do have a higher disposable income than xh due to the fact I claim all the child benefits but we have them 50/50, so I'm happy to spend more. Generally though, whoever has them when they need something buys it

@OhSmellyCatSmellyCat
Bias makes the difference.

50/50

It's a shared child so surely shared costs at 50/50 makes sense? Then the individual activities with each family can be paid for by that family? That's what happened when I was a child between my parents anyway!

Personally 50/50 the kids belong equally to each parent. Why should household a benefit from house hold bs work. That would discourage house a bettering their careers as house hold b is allowing them extra spare cash.

When the relationship is over I’d say 50/50 would be the norm.

Curious to know the genders of each income family here and who the op is,

However It’s nice to see for once no gender bias and a fairly unanimous response.

Once upon a time if a woman said we are split should he pay more for the kids than me, the answer would be yes, but if a man said should the mother pay more than me he’d be told to fuck off and step up, he had rhem so he should pay.

It’s nice to see no bias on this one. That people strongly expect both parents to step up equally for their own kids now.

Say I earn roughy 1 quarter of my husband's wage. We pay the bills 50/50. This means either I struggle to keep up and end up in debt or we have a lifestyle that I can afford on my wage, rather than what we as a couple can afford.
Now transfer the same scenario to your kids. Should they lead a lesser lifestyle half their life based on your principles or their lower earning parent go into debt to keep up the lifestyle you want them to enjoy because you are a higher earner? Or should you pay for more?
Those are the options.

It’s fair for joint costs to be 50/50.

The parent whose income is less still has the same obligation to pay for half of their children’s costs regardless of what the other parent earns.

[quote Youseethethingis]@OhSmellyCatSmellyCat
Bias makes the difference.[/quote]
Indeed , it does

As it's also 50/50 care then 50/50 cost is fair. No maintenance is expected when sharing care as you're both paying your bit the time you have them. And I think it's fair with costs overall.

The higher earning parent shouldn’t allow their DC to go without.

If that means person B has to pay more, because person A cant or won’t pay then they should.

So I am household A. Household B is ex and partner.

Ex and wife took the D.C to buy school uniform today. I was presented with half the costs afterwards. But (and this is the bit I think is unfair), if I had taken them shopping I wouldn’t have shopped as up market as they did. Bill for my half is over £320. It wasn’t discussed with me that the youngest would have a very expensive rucksack (£85), branded trainers for all 3 for PE and uniform from John Lewis. The bill was just text to me as “your half”. There is no way I can afford that and if I’d taken them shopping I’d have shopped cheaper. He’s chosen to shop where he has without considering if I could afford my half.

I hope you're not including your exes wifes income in this.

@Depolo

So I am household A. Household B is ex and partner.

Ex and wife took the D.C to buy school uniform today. I was presented with half the costs afterwards. But (and this is the bit I think is unfair), if I had taken them shopping I wouldn’t have shopped as up market as they did. Bill for my half is over £320. It wasn’t discussed with me that the youngest would have a very expensive rucksack (£85), branded trainers for all 3 for PE and uniform from John Lewis. The bill was just text to me as “your half”. There is no way I can afford that and if I’d taken them shopping I’d have shopped cheaper. He’s chosen to shop where he has without considering if I could afford my half.

I would work out what I would have spent without the brands etc and send that over.

Or if I was feeling petty I wouldn't send anything at all. Unless I had to because of a court order.

But that’s different op. You should agree parameters in advance. Set a budget. The fact you’ve not is your issue. You knew they needed uniform. You could have taken them shopping and presented him with half, you didn’t you left it to them.

i would work out what I would have spent without the brands etc and send that over

Nah, she could have said they need uniform I’ll deal with it and let you know your half. Leaving them to deal with it, setting no boundaries then complaining after? No not so much.

I would just tell him you can’t afford that and ask to pay over three months.

Even knowing which household you are its not possible to say. Your ex could be earning 30k and his wife the rest, you could be a sahm and your household income come entirely from your partner.

@MissM2912

I would just tell him you can’t afford that and ask to pay over three months.

I definitely wouldn't do this OP.

He should have asked you before spending so much.

His own fault if he doesn't get half back.

Is 128000 not including his partners wage?

I would have said before hand can you get trousers from x or x and so on tbh.
You left him free rain to shop wherever

@Wilmaa

Is 128000 not including his partners wage?

I would have said before hand can you get trousers from x or x and so on tbh.
You left him free rain to shop wherever

I don't think OP has mentioned there being a court order for 50:50 costs in which case he will have to accept whatever OP offers towards it.

It'll be his own fault for not agreeing a budget.

Communication is what is needed here. We have a rule with DH’s ex regarding things like this which are over and above maintenance. If she discusses things with us beforehand then we’ll make a contribution because sometimes we need time to save. If she just buys something/books something and expects us to contribute then it’s a hard no. This was after she paid the deposit on a £1500 school trip, just assuming that we’d pay half. She then left it until about a month before the balance was due to inform us that £750 was due! In the end it was a moot point as it was cancelled due to
Covid but we’ve said she can’t do it again as we can’t guarantee to be able to come up with the cash. Maybe you should do something like that?

I see how the ex is thinking, I would not want my children to wear cheap stuff if I can afford nicer things, just because their dad doesn't earn as much. You need to have a discussion that your budget only stretches so far; it's of course very nice if he wants to buy them fancier things, but then you can't pau 50-50.

It'll be his own fault for not agreeing a budget.

But not hers for not agreeing a budget?