Split costs on different incomes

[Depolo]

Household A: Income of £30000 per annum

Household B: Income of £128000 per annum (before tax/NI)

3 x children. 50/50 joint care between homes. No maintenance paid, but all joint costs split 50/50 ie uniform, school trips, dinner money. Children have two wardrobes provided at each household, costs are not shared for activities booked and organised at individual homes.

My question. Should joint costs be split 50/50 as per shared care agreement OR should costs be split on an income ratio.

I definitely wouldn't do this OP.He should have asked you before spending so much. His own fault if he doesn't get half back.

Sure, but doesn’t she have any responsibility? She knew they needed uniform. She could have popped down Asda or where ever, got it, and then billed him half, she didn’t, she let him deal with it.

Neither have managed this well but it’s not all on him to not just ask her how much but do the shopping too. She has equal responsibility.

@sweeneytoddsrazor

It'll be his own fault for not agreeing a budget.

But not hers for not agreeing a budget?

Exactly.

So as I said. Budget has to fit the lower earning household if the wealthiest household wants to stick rigidly to 50/50.

@PollyPepper

I hope you're not including your exes wifes income in this.

His wife doesn’t work. They have a joint company, wages and dividends paid to each of them.

Say you can't afford; ask him to return and buy somewhere else or you can pay for the next lot instead.

@sweeneytoddsrazor

It'll be his own fault for not agreeing a budget.

But not hers for not agreeing a budget?

We don't even know that he had told OP he was taking them uniform shopping. Maybe OP was planning it for next week.

Even if he did, he's the one who'll be out of pocket so his responsibility to prevent that.

“Left him to it” - he’s their father...with 50/50 care. That’s a weird choice of words.

It’s his week with them. The same week the school shop is always done. It fell on his week so he took responsibility, he wasn’t doing me a favour!

Yes I’ve been at work this week - so didn’t have time to “nip to ASDA”

So why didn’t you text him and say right shopping is to be done, I can do it or you, budget is x? You are not a passenger.

@Bluntness100

I definitely wouldn't do this OP.He should have asked you before spending so much. His own fault if he doesn't get half back.

Sure, but doesn’t she have any responsibility? She knew they needed uniform. She could have popped down Asda or where ever, got it, and then billed him half, she didn’t, she let him deal with it.

Neither have managed this well but it’s not all on him to not just ask her how much but do the shopping too. She has equal responsibility.

I think if he's the one that will be out of pocket, it is ultimately his responsibility.

i think if he's the one that will be out of pocket, it is ultimately his responsibility

And if they both behaved like the op and didn’t buy the uniform who is responsible? Neither should be a passenger here.

Behaved like the OP

We have a week we buy uniform. It’s this week. Kids are at his. Therefore he bought the uniform

It really doesn't matter who's week it was presumably you both have some idea of how much income you both have. If costs are split 50/50 then you should be able to say I can afford to pay x amount. If you spend more than that it's out of your pocket. Equally he should have said how much can you afford

Well it should be mum and dads incomes, not household income, you can’t be including the income of new partners.

Generally 50/50 with agreements on larger things like school trips.

While you should be paying 50/50, it’s not fair if he’s going to choose to spend £85 on a bag. I wouldn’t expect him to get the cheapest of everything, but not should he be making the most expensive choices for everything either.

It’s something that you knew was coming though, so you should have spoken to each other about it before the shop happened as you have a budget. You’ll know for next year that you need to do the shop, or talk to him about it first.

I think for three children needing uniform, bags and trainers thats not a huge amount per child. If it’s always done this week you should have offered to do it yourself if you wanted to control costs and brands. Even if worked long full days all week it could have been done online.

Gosh some very odd views on this thread. I guess going forward it's worth agreeing on a rough amount for school uniform etc, and then if he chooses to go over that amount because he can afford it then fair enough- hindsight is a wonderful thing. Say you can't afford to but will pay a fair amount, surely he has some awareness that saying oh yeah that'll be nearly £400 isn't something easily absorbed, especially if he's spent that much on a backpack uneccessarily.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I think for three children needing uniform, bags and trainers thats not a huge amount per child. If it’s always done this week you should have offered to do it yourself if you wanted to control costs and brands. Even if worked long full days all week it could have been done online.

Its just over £200 per child, when I think how much kitting out my 6 year old costs I think £200ish each is pretty reasonable, especially if school bags were included.

Nothing wrong with buying an £85 rucksack for your kid if your household income is in the six figures. But you can't make a decision like that then demand half the money for it. There should have been a budget agreed then if your ex wanted to get more extravagant things he could cover that cost himself.

I dont know what you can do about it now though if no conversation was had about a budget beforehand

Yours and your family ex's income aren't that different. He'll have to pay nearly half of that £128 k in tax, then split between two of them.

You should text him and say you can't afford this and he will have to return it all. Cost up the uniform at Asda or wherever you want to get it from and tell him that's what you are prepared to pay. Chances are he will just let them keep it if not do an online order.

Having a 'uniform week' is bonkers though. Just do it yourself next year.

@arethereanyleftatall

Yours and your family ex's income aren't that different. He'll have to pay nearly half of that £128 k in tax, then split between two of them.

I think you need to do the maths again,😃

Why is everyone being so harsh on OP?
He’s the one who’ll be out of pocket so it’s his responsibility to agree on the budget.

@rockaround

You should text him and say you can't afford this and he will have to return it all. Cost up the uniform at Asda or wherever you want to get it from and tell him that's what you are prepared to pay. Chances are he will just let them keep it if not do an online order.

Having a 'uniform week' is bonkers though. Just do it yourself next year.

So she has to do things because the ex doesn’t have any common sense?

Yours and your family ex's income aren't that different. He'll have to pay nearly half of that £128 k in tax, then split between two of them
128k post tax is £78k.
30k post tax is £24k.

How have you divided it up in previous years? It also isn’t just about disparity of incomes but also attitudes to spending. We have a reasonable household income but there’s no way I’d spend £85 on a school bag. I’m happy to buy the £10 supermarket trainers for primary school PE trainers as PE kit is left in school and only comes home at school holidays for washing. I don’t mind spending more on secondary school PE trainers as they only go into school on PE day so can be worn at home. I also hand down whatever uniform I can and have bought done second hand items and buy things when they’re on offer eg. M&S 20% off uniform and £15 off Treads shoes, other items in sales.

It might be an idea going forward to add up all the uniform that you would buy and tell ex that you’re happy to pay half that amount towards what he’s buying if he wants the kids to have more expensive items. If he’s happy for them to be kitted out on your budget then it’s probably best that you shop for them.