2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

Op, when you call your voicemail and hear the automated date/time as soon as it starts to play push number 3. It will delete the voicemail

You could ask DP to do it quickly for you if you are too anxious. But you won't hear anything if you do it fast. I hope this helps x

And now for the good news OP.

You've saved the cost of two places at your wedding!

@GladAllOver

And now for the good news OP. You've saved the cost of two places at your wedding!

🤣😂 bonus

Thank you, I'm trying to stay strong. It feels so unnatural to me to be ignoring somebody. I'm usually there for anybody in a heartbeat. This just seems so odd.

I knew a mum on the verge of eviction and desperately needing to borrow money and get a guarantor for a new place to rent. There was no way I could help as she was a serious risk. I don't think I could turn her away if she had showed up at my door with her children.

I think I could easily turn away the Op's 'friend'.

If she had any empathy or understanding around anxiety or OCD she would not be putting you through this. You are doing the right thing OP.

She’s clearly assumed from very early on (and without floating the idea by you!) that you were going to be the accommodation provider. That is incredibly entitled and just not on. Again it’s not what a friend would do.

@Lotusmonster

She’s clearly assumed from very early on (and without floating the idea by you!) that you were going to be the accommodation provider. That is incredibly entitled and just not on. Again it’s not what a friend would do.

Agree - she most definitely had assumed she could foist herself on you and is astonished that you demurred.

I have to wonder if there's more going on, and despite what she's led you to believe, she's being forced against her will to move out.
I wonder this too. Her behaviour seems so extreme. How much form exactly does she have for this sort of entitled stuff? If it's quite out of character I'd be wondering if she's telling the whole truth.

What a nightmare!!
You're doing so well OP - keep going, hopefully she will leave you in peace soon. If she doesn't it's time your DP told her to no means no and to leave you be.

I'm still in shock at the cheek of her. Thank goodness you said no.

And as others said - don't ask why she wants to move it. Her reason won't change your answer so it's not important. All it will do is make you worry

Stay strong, OP, you are doing the right thing.

Get DH to check the messages , out of your hearing, if she is still trying to bully you, I think I would text her back.
Hi X. I know your blowing up my phone, but I really don't want to talk, as my decision is final. Please respect this and stop calling. Both DH and Myself will not be inviting anyone to stay, so it is not personally.
I hope you can now see your actions have been totally unacceptable, and you will drop this matter.

Have you not asked her for her reasons as to why she can't stay put whilst it is on the market? Perhaps it is her dog/the smell of it that might put off buyers? Perhaps she is going to make some money by air b&b ing it. So far she hasn't even bothered to explain why she needs to leave, which makes me think that she doesn't have a good reason. Have you listened to the voicemails?

I do feel for you, OP, it feels so wrong to stand up for yourself when you're not used to it. But if no-one ever stood up to people like this, they'd carry on riding roughshod over others' feelings and needs.

I just find it astonishing that she seems to think SHE is being completely reasonable for demanding to move in, be fed, warmed and sheltered for free, when she has other options, and that YOU are being "unfair" for not wanting to be treated like shit on her shoe.

I think you just need to front it out and speak to her on the phone

It will be awkward but stay strong and be assertive, otherwise she will keep ringing you blocking her number is a likely way to ruin the friendship(you may not even care at this stage)

You are being very strong, I am a people pleaser who can't stand conflict so I would have to listen to the messages.

@islandhoppin

I've had another call this morning but not answered, another voicemail but I can't listen to it until my break later today. Not sure I even want to. It's draining.

Why would you have any of this conversation over text - pick up the phone and ring her and get it over and done with. She thinks she can talk you around, she needs to hear in your voice that she can't.

@Hugoslavia

Have you not asked her for her reasons as to why she can't stay put whilst it is on the market? Perhaps it is her dog/the smell of it that might put off buyers? Perhaps she is going to make some money by air b&b ing it. So far she hasn't even bothered to explain why she needs to leave, which makes me think that she doesn't have a good reason. Have you listened to the voicemails?

I wouldn’t be asking why she’s not staying in her own house at this point. Given her recent behaviour, she’s likely to see it as an opening to try and talk OP round.

And I think someone who had a solid reason for not being able to stay in their own house would be open about it when asking to stay indefinitely at a good friends house.
As in opening the conversation with a “I can’t stay at my house because of xyz, please can I stay at yours”. It seems really weird not to volunteer some sort of explanation if making that kind of request.

I understand why people think op should call her. However, I think island responding to her will be viewed as rewarding bad behaviour and there is no way shape or form she can persuade this ‘friend’ she is wrong.

Yes it would be great to know the reason she can't stay put but actually I agree with the comments that knowing just puts more pressure onto the Op to step in. Especially if it's semi genuine - ie she's being evicted - but the chances are if she's being evicted the Op definitely doesn't want to be bank rolling her.

You might think you know someone but you never really know what people are involved with.

I know that she isn't in any financial pressures regarding the house, to pretty much paid off now so I don't think it could be anything to do with that.
I'm

"I understand why people think op should call her. However, I think island responding to her will be viewed as rewarding bad behaviour and there is no way shape or form she can persuade this ‘friend’ she is wrong. "

THis!!!

OP, I think you are absolutely right not to allow yourself to be railroaded into this and have done well to not let that happen, but blocking her number seems harsh and very final. This is someone you describe as your best friend – surely you can talk to her at least once?

She has overstepped the mark in my eyes, unfortunately. She knows I struggle with my MH and that her doing this will push me over the edge, but she's done it anyway. I can't understand why she couldn't understand my reasoning the first time round ☹️

Op shouldn't have to turn off her voicemail. She may actually need it on for normal messages